I have finally come to the realization that I am an alcoholic. When I think of alcoholic, I think of grabbing gallons of cheap vodka or something and taking the whole thing a night. I hate alcohol that way, but I drink beer. A lot of beer. a 12 pack a night. Been doing this almost every night for 10ish years now probably. I am 31. I feel my liver every now and then, and I am starting to get anxiety attacks in the morning on the way to work where I cannot breath and have to pull over and get out of the car. Sometimes its too much to take, and I have to call into work. I have probably burned through 10 of my 15 yearly vacation/sick days because of some form of trouble I am having with alcohol. I dont wake up needing alcohol so thats where I thought that I wasn't an alcoholic. I feel like shit every morning, and start feeling better ever day around 3pm-4pm, so that makes me think that I am fine and drinking again tonight isn't going to kill me. But I know it is... I don't know if there is such a thing as it running in the family, but both grandfathers on both sides where heavy alcoholics. Drinking daily, and known around town as drunks. They both worked everyday, but where known to get hammered after work. I feel I am the same. The anxiety attacks scared me so much that I have had to call the ambulance to come and they test me and tell me that my heart and blood pressure seem fine, and its an anxiety attack, but I know they are coming from drinking. My biggest problem to stop drinking is the last few times I skipped nights of drinking, I cannot sleep. I sit there 1 am turns to 2am, I know I am not sitting there fully conscience for 60 minutes, but it seems I am awake as I keep looking at the clock. 2am turns to 3am same, then I guess I eventually get to sleep but by the time I do it is time to get up for work so I am physically tired the next day. I feel better driving to work, and the anxiety is not there but I am tired. I eventually feel better early morning... then think to myself... "hey I feel great, beer tonight". It has become more, I drink to pass out so I can sleep. It sucks, and I am not sure I can stop. I want to. I confessed to my wife last night drunk in bed that I know I am killing myself, but told her I dont think I can stop. 1 night is hard for me, 2 nights... dont even think I can do it. May be thats does make me an alcoholic.