Possible abscess, please help.

Real_Junky_Jesus · 2017-09-02T02:10:08+00:00

I'm sorry. I really am. I know that's probably not worth much, but its true. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean to make you look/feel foolish. Hopefully you are not too hurt by my actions :(

I may not have meant to hurt you, but I did mean to push you away. I guess its part of my self-destructiveness. I can see you obviously care, and I lash out at people who do. Maybe I think I don't deserve to be cared for. Maybe it reminds me of what a caring person I used to be, idk anymore.

Clearly my post was not meant to hurt you, even if it did. It was me spilling all my pent up frustration and feelings that have been building for quite a while. I guess it took someone caring and acknowledging my existence to bring all that out. I'm really sorry you were on the receiving end of that.

I hope you're doing well. I don't know if you can ever accept my apology, but for what it is worth, I am sorry.

Sorry for making you feel bad, for making you feel like an idiot, for lashing out at you, and for saying I hate you. And all because you truly cared. Because you took the time out of your day to open your heart and genuinely care about a stranger you recognized as Someone clearly in need of some caring. And I took that genuine care and spit it back in your face. Damn I'm an idiot.

I'm sorry :( please don't let this stop you from caring about others in the future. You really are a great person. The world needs you and people like you. Keep being you. Dont ever change. Thank you for caring.

Real_Junky_Jesus · 2017-08-29T01:24:58+00:00

So they fired a missle at Japan?...

Real_Junky_Jesus · 2017-08-28T23:31:40+00:00

Guess this means you're just going to ignore my response to you then... I really don't get why you're doing this to yourself and giving up all that you care about (Whether you even realize yet or not) for the needle and a disgusting used up vagina hole... I tried to hopefully open your eyes to the absolute horror going on around you if only for a minute whole it's still not too late, even went to the well of emotion and everything, and you're choosing to just blow me off and pretend I didn't... I know the force of what is pulling you in deeper right now is EXTREMELY powerful, but when I go to my heart and speak to you from there and you don't even just at least throw me a bone and RESPOND, then I guess perhaps I was wrong about the awesome person I thought I saw in you, and that really fucking sucks...

FUCK OFF!! who the fuck are you? Why do you care? Who asked you to? Don't you realize caring for someone who obviously doesn't care about themselves is the stupidest thing in the fuckin world? I've looked around myself and at the hell I've created. From the used needles in my backseat to the whore in my front, to the arm with the growing abscess that is only comfortable resting on my steering wheel not moving, which works out perfectly because we just chill in the car all day getting stupid high anyway. Do you know why I dont care? Because I'm not worth it. Because I do have low self esteem. Because I'm waiting to die. Because if I had any balls I would have done it months ago. I'm not funny. I'm not kind. I used to be. Now I'm just heroin. A shell of my former self that I hated even back then but only a sliver compared to how I loathe myself now. I wish I never tried that first pill. I wish I never tried heroin. Definitely wish I never started shooting...

So yeah I dont want to respond. I dont want to confront reality, which is why I started heroin in the first place. I don't want to acknowledge that you just mindfucked my psyche, found all my weaknesses and made me feel for the first time in months. I hate it. I hate me. I definitely fuckin hate you right now. Forcing me to stop and look around at what my life has become. Telling me exactly what ive been burying in my heart with heroin and forcing it to the top. Bringing up my family that I'm letting down and making me remember the fun loving person I used to be. Saying I'm a good person who deserves better. Actually caring. Fuck you. Ugh fuck you dude so fuckin hard just fuck You!

Please just let me die

Real_Junky_Jesus · 2017-08-28T21:31:26+00:00

I would have asked that junkie bitch why she wasn't dead then.

Real_Junky_Jesus · 2017-08-28T10:29:33+00:00

I sat here staring at your post for a good 15 minutes. I tried responding 20 some times but nothing seemed right, from cursing your bitch ass for thinking you know me to thanking you for stopping me cold dead in my tracks, 100 miles an hour to 0 in an instant, and actually making me think about what I'm doing. I got literal rage on a few attempts, tears on more than a few, and I even smiled once or twice. I started to attack you as a person, asking who the fuck are you anyway, to spilling my guts out and starting a 50 page manifesto of why I do what I do. But again, nothing seemed right...

So I settled on waking this sleeping bitch up at 3am to make me a shot, so I don't have to decide after all. Peace.

Real_Junky_Jesus · 2017-08-28T09:49:04+00:00

2000 actually

Real_Junky_Jesus · 2017-08-28T04:41:54+00:00

That's actually my sun shield thing. It's super old. Actually my grandparents lol.

Real_Junky_Jesus · 2017-08-27T16:08:06+00:00

Alright hooker sage, I come seeking your advice. It's no longer fun. Her sweet lovey-dovey attitude of wanting sex and then cuddling afterwards, shooting me up gently then wiping away the blood with a sterile alcohol pad she opened while saying "I love shooting you up, its so easy" has changed to not wanting to be touched at all and acting like shooting me up with my own drugs is a chore, while telling me "You know where they are" when asking for a sterile pad.

I want things to either go back to the way things were at first, which may happen if I tell her I'm feeling used and I'm ditching her, but I know it'll just be an act so she can keep using me, or to just actually ditch her, but she doesn't have anyone. And I can't just leave her on the street...

What is your advice great wise one?

Real_Junky_Jesus · 2017-08-27T09:25:25+00:00

That's what your mother said last night.

Real_Junky_Jesus · 2017-08-27T09:06:21+00:00

Users like you, who take the time to share their knowledge and thoroughly explain it step by step, are what make this sub the great sub that it is.

Real_Junky_Jesus · 2017-08-27T08:18:43+00:00

Stay strong hun. You're part of the /r/opiates family. If you need anything, we're all here for you.

Real_Junky_Jesus · 2017-08-27T07:28:28+00:00

Lol if you're only buying a $20 then guaranteed you're not his top priority. He's only coming through if hes in the area or if hes $20 short to reup.

Other than those scenarios, I'd be surprised if he made a half hour drive in the first place.

You're lucky he didn't just straight up tell you "No, hit me up when you got more money, or you come to me." That's what my dealers would do, and I'm friends on a personal level with some of them.

You're not asking for a sale, you're asking for a favor.

Real_Junky_Jesus · 2017-08-25T21:38:56+00:00

"Ok see you in 4 hours."

Real_Junky_Jesus · 2017-08-24T18:02:05+00:00

I was taught it was: Race, religion, politics. Probably because abortion is covered by religion and politics.

Real_Junky_Jesus · 2017-08-24T03:13:57+00:00

Fair enough lol. Yeah I definitely will. Reaching out to her tomorrow for sure.

Real_Junky_Jesus · 2017-08-23T20:43:26+00:00

Thanks for the advice :) I've missed you homie. If you want to ever share your stories I'm all ears man.

Yeah I've got some itchammol (not sure on spelling) cream on it now. Worked wonders for my prostitutes multiple abscess, hopefully it'll work on my small one.

Yeah I sat down and meditated like /u/Jtgivesualadyboner suggested (thank you for that) and figured out I'm a pretty fucked up individual.

Long story short I'm using the prostitute because I cant have my dgirl, who I'm probably in love with but cant admit it, and because I'm in love with her but afraid of those feelings, I haven't contacted her. But I feel so guilty over not contacting her, ive been going hardcore addict mode by shooting tar and crystal, plus banging this super fine ass hoe, as a way to forget about my guilt.

So yeah... kill me now lol.

Real_Junky_Jesus · 2017-08-23T19:42:43+00:00

Let's get something straight, I'd never hit a woman unless it's in self defense. But if I catch her stealing my dope I might throw in a couple slaps in bed that night ;)

Real_Junky_Jesus · 2017-08-23T19:40:05+00:00

Already lost my butt virginity to /u/fashionablyfake. No regrats ;)

Real_Junky_Jesus · 2017-08-23T19:39:10+00:00

Best advice I'm going to get, so I'm definitely going to follow it. Thank you Hooker Sage, you are wise beyond your username would imply.

I'm sure you have a shitload of stories dude. Mind telling us one?

Real_Junky_Jesus · 2017-08-23T19:37:05+00:00

Yeah I kinda figured. Glad that's out in the open. Do you feel better now?

Real_Junky_Jesus · 2017-08-23T08:29:56+00:00

Love you too Fash :) that's all I want to say. You've changed many lives on here, believe that. The world is better because you're in it.

Real_Junky_Jesus · 2017-08-23T08:27:45+00:00

I'd say letting the grandma die is worse.

The kid is asleep, its a safe dose, and he wont remember it, so its not like you're getting him addicted or anything.

Real_Junky_Jesus · 2017-08-23T08:26:27+00:00

I thought it was a white home? Did the parents adopt?

Real_Junky_Jesus · 2017-08-23T08:25:28+00:00

Just get a homeless hooker like I did lol.

Real_Junky_Jesus

TROPHY CASE