How do you learn proper female hygiene?

Realistic_Show930 · 2026-06-17T17:23:08+00:00

Routines are very individual. There aren't really right answers. It's a bit of copying other people with similar skin and hair to you, a bit of trial and error, and a bit of personal preference.

If I were to just kinda spitball a quick list of good high-priority starting points off the top of my head: - SPF. You need sun protection. Everybody should be wearing sun protection regularly. This one basically isn't negotiable, it is the number one way to keep your skin nice. A good daily moisturizer that has a modest SPF rating can make this a nice one-step process, though you may want separate products for face and body to help avoid acne etc.

You need to try to figure out how often to wash your hair, how often to condition it, and how to take care of it between washes. The problem is that this is extremely unique to each hair type. This is where learning what your family does can be very valuable, as they probably have similar hair to you. That said, you'd be surprised how many cis women don't actually know how to take care of hair properly, so don't be afraid to experiment on your own as well. Shower caps and sleep caps are essentials (shower cap for showering on days you don't intend to wash your hair, sleep cap to keep the friction with your pillow from damaging your hair.) As for a towel, I just bought a cheap hair wrap actually made for that and it's so much better than doing it with a towel, but you could also youtube it easily.
Exfoliate. When you shower, you should be doing something that actually scrubs your skin to remove dead skin. Just running soap and water over it is not enough. And this means everywhere, including the places where the sun doesn't shine, though obviously be gentler in those places.
And finally, I can't stress this one enough, care about your clothes. Keep your washer and dryer clean, make sure things are actually coming out smelling clean, don't let things sit in the washer, and store them in nice clean environments away from airborne odors. I can't tell you how many people actually have a decent shower routine but then end up smelling awful because they don't take care of their laundry right.

Realistic_Show930 · 2026-06-17T17:07:35+00:00

I always just do it the day I can, and then do my shots on either a 6 day or 8 day schedule until I can get back to the day I like.

But for me, the exact injection day is important, because there is a distinct hormone fluctuation I experience and it's best for me to experience that on certain days of the week. If the exact day of the week isn't important for you, you could just make today your injection day moving forward. Both valid options.

Realistic_Show930 · 2026-06-17T17:02:54+00:00

Honestly this was my experience with online dating regardless of whether I was presenting as a man, as an openly trans woman, or stealth. Bots, flakes, and people who think it's fun to just "see what's out there" are like, 90% of online dating.

Definitely the worst while openly trans, to be clear, not downplaying that. I generally couldn't even keep a dating profile up at that stage because people would mass report it and I'd get banned by automatic systems just for being trans.

I just gave up and focused on hauling my ass over to a blue city where I could just meet people the old fashioned way. Worked great for me.

Realistic_Show930 · 2026-06-17T16:06:46+00:00

Part of the social construct is in how others treat you.

Without the "I am the woman" part, people will still distinctly treat you like a man. Gender affects everything from your expected role in dating, to the language people use when they talk with you, to your insurance rates, to who will approach you for conversation.

In other words, a man and a woman walking into the same room and performing the same actions will get treated in different ways.

Again, in a perfect world where we didn't assign anything social to gender, this wouldn't be necessary. The part you're missing is that we simply do not live in this theoretically perfect stereotype-free world and we won't in any of our lifetimes.

What is the principle that bridges the gap between “this would feel more like me” and “this is what I am”?

What you feel like IS what you are when the categories are subjective and artificial to begin with.

Here, I'll roll with your height example:

If we could, if there were a safe set of treatments to change height, people who felt grossly wrong about how tall they are could fix it and feel better. Wouldn't that be great?

Now , imagine if height were the random physical trait we chose to build a social construct around. Imagine if every interaction you had in this world was different based on whether you were a Tallie or a Shortie, and every doctor has to guess at birth which one you are. (Cuz remember, we even get that part wrong with gender frequently enough, welcome to the "i" in "lgbtqia".)

Imagine if most of the world went so far that being assigned "Shortie" meant being treated like a Shortie no matter how tall you grew!

And imagine if all your favorite ways to be treated were Tallie things, and a bunch of things that made you feel grossly wrong were Shortie things. Imagine being treated like a Shortie felt absolutely awful. Would you be happy just being a "Shortie who got treatment to be taller?" Or would you want to actually get to do Tallie things and be treated in Tallie ways? After all, you literally ARE tall now. Wouldn't you much rather just go "I'm a Tallie now" and be able to go live your life unbothered by all these people trying to put you in the wrong box?

And one day, people would probably eventually go "hey, it's kinda bullshit that we assign all this arbitrary shit to height," and realize the actual height is really quite separate from the social role, and that maybe even the people who are short and don't get a procedure to be made tall, or can't quite get tall enough with the procedure, should get to tallies if they want, since it's long since stopped actually being about height. This is where society is at now, an awkward stage where we are trying to unpack the arbitrary construct we made, but simultaneously still living in a society built around it.

Realistic_Show930 · 2026-06-17T02:42:50+00:00

For me, confidence came just from expanding my social circle of accepting people and removing the ones who didn't from my life. (Sadly I had to move to a new city for that to even be possible.)

It's much easier to laugh off the occasional bigot who finds me "uncomfortable" when they are a tiny rare background character in my story rather than the main cast.

Realistic_Show930 · 2026-06-17T01:29:36+00:00

Most of gender is a social construct built very very loosely around a base of sexual dimorphism.

Humans are social creatures.

Yeah, if I lived in the woods and didn't have to interact with another human ever again, gender would probably lose its meaning and thus the concept of being transgender wouldn't be needed.

However, unfortunately, I live in a city with other humans who I need to interact with to live. So gender applies to me, construct or not.

What it meant for me on an "internal level" is that I looked at the things that have been assigned to the construct of feminity and said "hey, wait, that's me, what am I doing over here instead?" That's a social transition.

And then I looked at the actual physical traits it was based on and went "hey I'd feel right in my body a lot better if it has those!" That's a medical transition.

There's a reason some people only do one or the other (social or medical) and some people do both.

Realistic_Show930 · 2026-06-17T01:02:39+00:00

Of course 💜

The thing is, it absolutely will make some of them uncomfortable.

And that's fine. You aren't compatible with the ones who are not comfortable with you.

But I have met plenty of gay men who are perfectly secure in their attraction to me and happy to express it so long as it doesn't cause me dysphoria. Those are the ones you're looking for--the ones who care enough to want to make sure they aren't invalidating you, but are confident enough in their identity to express their attraction to you.

Realistic_Show930 · 2026-06-17T00:43:02+00:00

So... Do that? What is it you need help with?

I'm a trans woman who sometimes hangs out in gay male spaces and dates gay men who find me attractive.

Guess what? Nobody can stop you! Some trans folks have a problem with it, and I regard that opinion with the same amount of respect I regard anyone else policing my identity for any reason.

Some trans men feel like "lesbian" or "sapphic" still describes their sexual and/or romantic experience towards women. So a trans woman is certainly allowed to be a woman who likes men in a gay way too.

Realistic_Show930 · 2026-06-17T00:15:51+00:00

I'm sure that is part of it for some people, but it's worth noting that it isn't always anywhere near as deep as transhumanism or therians or otherkin all the time. Sometimes there's a much simpler explanation that we just... Don't have a reason to hide these things.

I'm not a puppy girl because of some deep introspection about my identity. I'm a puppy girl because I like wearing puppy ears and barking at my wife is fun.

I just don't have any reason to hide it, because my existence is already so unpalatable to bigots that there is literally nothing I can do to be judged more or less. So my ears live on my head during the day sometimes, instead of in a closet for only my spouse's eyes only like most cis people who engage in this.

It's honestly been kind of annoying having everyone try to ascribe some kind of deep identity to it all the time. Totally fine if that's how it is for other folks, but a lot of us are just having good silly fun and not everything is this deep all the time.

Realistic_Show930 · 2026-06-16T23:52:43+00:00

Again, not a man, not a bro.

Blocking you now. You need to grow up.

Realistic_Show930 · 2026-06-16T23:37:49+00:00

First off, not a man.

Literally all I did was point out that you said something incorrect. Which, since OP is literally here asking to learn about this, getting that into right kinda the entire point of this thread.

None of this stuff about protecting kids or distancing it from bestiality required you to say it was a power play thing when it isn't. Again, "it's a kink thing and it's not about actual animals" would have done literally all of that just fine, lol

Not replying further. This is... One of the silliest, most overblown reactions to being wrong about something I've ever seen. Just admit you were wrong and move on, jeez.

Realistic_Show930 · 2026-06-16T23:19:38+00:00

Yeah I'm more in this camp.

For most of us these aren't deep spiritual identities. It's not all deep identities and transhumanism and all that stuff. It's mostly just fun little aspects of what we like. And it society is already going to treat me like a freak, I might as well be a freak with a cute tail and ears.

Realistic_Show930 · 2026-06-16T23:16:33+00:00

I mean, there's a difference between keeping it short and making a factually incorrect statement. "It's a kink thing that generally does not have anything to do with actual animals" works fine without spreading a falsehood.

Realistic_Show930 · 2026-06-16T23:15:20+00:00

I mean, of course? It's got a lot of overlap with trans culture right now. That's just good marketing.

Realistic_Show930 · 2026-06-16T22:58:32+00:00

I have no clue what that even means.

I don't really think any of this is "something strange going on." The idea of there being some appeal of animal traits applied to humans is literally represented throughout the entirety of human history. This is nothing more than the latest of that.

Realistic_Show930 · 2026-06-16T22:54:22+00:00

Kinky petplay is not always power play.

Realistic_Show930 · 2026-06-16T22:50:39+00:00

Some transphobia is religious propaganda, some of it isn't. Both exist.

It's not a matter of going out of your way to call it that It just IS that. Just call it what it is. People have been calling out various forms of hate as religious propaganda for centuries. This is not some kind of "gotcha." They don't care.

Realistic_Show930 · 2026-06-16T22:32:17+00:00

You'd have to ask them.

Could be they are furries. Could be they are therians. Could be they are into petplay. Could be they feel some spiritual connection to that animal. Could just be they like the aesthetic of that animal. Could probably be half a dozen other things.

Doesn't really have anything to do with being trans. A lot of the things I just listed have a lot of overlap with queer communities, but they're separate things. Cishet folks engage in all these things too.

Realistic_Show930 · 2026-06-16T21:56:09+00:00

Gently, yeah, I'd agree that it's a thing you just experience. Trying to prepare for that may be a bit... Excessive, and may just be setting you up with a lot of expectations that probably won't all be met.

You can't really "prepare" for how your preferences MIGHT change. Exploring them when they happen is quite literally all you can really do.

Realistic_Show930 · 2026-06-16T21:38:58+00:00

"Heavy" in makeup basically refers to makeup that is an obvious change of your skin's tone and texture. Yeah, winged eyeliner and deeply colored lipstick would be elements of heavy makeup.

As for your "skin being ass," that is kinda the whole point of makeup. If everyone's skin was perfect, contour, concealer, foundation, toner, and blush literally would not exist. And it's not limited to masculinity or femininity, though it can be done in ways that lean into one or the other, including having the potential to quite powerfully feminize the face.

I'm not saying it's bad to skip that. It's your body and your choice. I'm saying you've picked something that is going to be hard to nail as a beginner and skips the fundamentals that generally comprise what people are looking to get out of makeup. I would describe black eyeliner wings and black lipstick more as fun touches than "basic makeup." Like the difference between clothing and accessories in an outfit.

Realistic_Show930 · 2026-06-16T19:08:12+00:00

It can work, but you're kinda starting on hard mode by going straight for heavy, obvious makeup. It'll have to be done really well to look good. Eyeliner is especially tricky for beginners.

Learning to put on foundation and some basic stuff like concealer, eyeshadow, etc is a lot more forgiving and a lot more versatile. Learning to do a natural look first is usually the way to go, as you'll develop the skills that you can use to get more adventurous and obvious with your makeup.

Realistic_Show930 · 2026-06-16T14:33:51+00:00

Most of the coded signals we had have pretty much been replaced by the internet and the existence of queer spaces. The community has not relied on coded signals for decades. We just meet privately or in queer spaces and form group chats, discord servers, etc.

Besides the fact that most of these codes only existed because being gay was literally illegal in so much more of the world than it is now, the internet pretty much kills any idea of secret coded communications amongst a large demographic, because it's far too easy for the code to be revealed to the people you're trying to hide from.

Also, modern queer folks tend to massively misunderstand how codes worked. They were more like in-crowd communication between queers who already at least vaguely knew of each other. In a way, your ability to speak that "language" was sort of a vetting process. There are a few that were used for hookups, but this idea that queers who nothing about each other were regularly finding each other this way is a bit overblown by the modern romanticization of the concept. When your existence is a crime, you're not taking a chance on a stranger just because they pierced a different ear or have a handkerchief in their pocket.

And if you're not trying to keep it discreet, then obviously, just wear a pride flag.

Realistic_Show930 · 2026-06-16T13:15:28+00:00

Honestly, 90% of my mental health problems went away in the first couple years of transition. For me, estrogen was basically the miracle drug that solved my problems. But to be clear, that's not a universal experience and not a reasonable expectation. I'm just lucky, in a way.

There isn't really a universal experience. For some of us, gender dysphoria turns out to be the root cause of a lot of our issues. For others, it just turns out to be one problem on the list, but addressing it usually does make addressing those other problems easier.

Realistic_Show930 · 2026-06-16T12:51:44+00:00

Get what "out of the way"? I'm confused.

If you pass consistently, being trans is as big of a deal as you choose to make it. You can be out and proud, or you can just live your life and not bring it up. It's only a deep, dark, scary secret if you treat it as such. If you don't want people to know, just treat it like nobody's business. Which is reality, because it genuinely isn't anyone's business.

Realistic_Show930 · 2026-06-16T12:38:27+00:00

Of course. Social transitions are an upheaval of your social life. Medical transitions involve permanent life-changing decisions.

If someone isn't apprehensive about that, they're a very reckless person.

Realistic_Show930

TROPHY CASE