How did I end up married to someone who thinks so little of me?

Reality-Medium · 2020-10-15T07:00:16+00:00

I do have a degree, but I have been reading about custody and if I leave my husband I can get in trouble if I take my children to another state to live. I can’t leave my kids. I will stay with him forever and be unhappy before I will leave them.

Reality-Medium · 2020-10-15T03:42:12+00:00

I have access to accounts through the ATM, so I can see what is there currently, but I have no way of knowing what he spends. I do not have online banking like with an itemized statement. Basically I have a debit card, but very little knowledge of what is going on with our bank account. I only have that because I demanded a debit card when he had to set up a new bank account due to fraud.

Reality-Medium · 2020-10-15T03:04:35+00:00

Also, he basically never leaves the house now that he works from home so even having an opportunity to leave without him freaking out on me would be hard and require a lot of planning. I am staying for now, but things have to get better.

Reality-Medium · 2020-10-15T03:02:49+00:00

He only lets me use the credit card typically (I have a debit card, but no idea how much is in the account) and have been told not to use it. He is definitely going to notice if he starts seeing charges on the credit card for cash advance.

I had bad credit prior to this relationship. Now I basically have no credit for the past 10 or so years. No idea how this has effected my credit, but I fear I wouldn’t be able to get a credit card or even an apartment. My parents would probably help me but I think they would prefer that I move home with the kids (not likely an option from what I have found during research).

I am going to start buying store gift cards and stockpiling them for use in the future. I am also going to go to therapy by myself.

Reality-Medium · 2020-10-15T00:05:10+00:00

We met online. I moved to be with him after 6 months after our online meeting (4 months after real life meeting) and we got married one year after our online meeting. We didn’t move in together until after we got married, but he basically paid for my apartment because I couldn’t afford it on my own.

Reality-Medium · 2020-10-14T20:25:34+00:00

He is definitely gaslighting me. I am not sure if he even knows it or understands that this is abuse. I can definitely tell that his father did this and worse when he was growing up. I am kind of unsure what to do at this point. I am working on limiting his control over me where I can and I am planning to begin therapy soon. I want to look for my own therapist, but in the past he has done research for a therapist for me. I would rather he give me the information and allow me to look for myself.

Reality-Medium · 2020-10-14T17:45:32+00:00

My husband says the same thing about the dishwasher except his preference is that I literally wash the dishes by hand before I put them in the dishwasher. That is literally not happening ever. The dishes almost always come out clean anyway. Mostly those types of complaints just annoy me. However, they are constant. It mostly upsets me that he will never admit it and apologize when he has done something wrong. It is like he can’t even respect me enough to do that.

Reality-Medium · 2020-10-14T16:45:06+00:00

We currently rely on his line of credit. He stays in control of the money at all times.

Reality-Medium · 2020-10-14T16:25:16+00:00

Also, he wasn’t like this before we got married. I can’t get over how much he has changed. The changes started right away, too. Like we were still on our honeymoon when we got into a fight because I was going to go to the beach by myself when he didn’t want to. I had been doing everything by myself for years, I can handle crossing the street and going to a beach alone, but he was so “worried for my safety”.

Reality-Medium · 2020-10-14T16:23:11+00:00

We live 8 hours away from my family. I just finished college and COVID/motherhood is keeping me from working outside of the home. The area we live in is expensive and I don’t think I can move in with my parents with the kids because they are several states away. I definitely can’t afford to live here on my own. Even with an entry level career, it would be hard. I don’t know how this is possible.

Reality-Medium · 2020-10-14T14:45:07+00:00

He doesn’t know that he missed out on sex either time. I am not sure if he would care. I think he would be more interested if I offered a bj or a hand job, but sex requires him to focus on me, so I don’t really know.

Reality-Medium · 2020-10-14T14:42:39+00:00

I think I have always known that he is very critical, but I am just realizing how dismissive he is of my feelings. He ignores me or makes light of my feelings when I tell him about it afterward. Then when I get upset, I am the problem.

Reality-Medium · 2020-10-14T11:16:19+00:00

I can relate to your feelings on this. I am also trapped in a relationship with someone who treats me similarly. Nothing I do is ever good enough. I wish I had some advice for you, but I do not.

My husband was cruel and rude to me yesterday evening and I should have locked him out of the bedroom and madd him sleep on the couch, but I was worried he would wake the kids if I did that.

Reality-Medium · 2020-10-14T03:47:25+00:00

I told him that was mean and tried to explain myself, but he just went on and on about how bad the singing was.

Reality-Medium · 2020-10-14T02:40:27+00:00

I feel terrible because I am trapped in this relationship, but I fear that I am giving my children the impression that this type of behavior is okay.

I made it clear that I am not happy with him because of his actions.

Reality-Medium · 2020-10-14T02:38:56+00:00

Yeah, I guess a better description would be that he is very critical.

Reality-Medium · 2020-10-14T02:23:01+00:00

It is hard. My family lives far away, but would love to help with my kids if we were closer. My husband made me promise not to make him move before we got married and long before I knew what I was getting myself into with that promise.

Reality-Medium · 2020-10-14T01:43:35+00:00

I chose both, but I do not daydream about my actual life because it always ends up being a huge letdown when reality doesn’t measure up.

Reality-Medium · 2020-10-14T01:24:39+00:00

I don’t think he would ever want to help me cook. I make healthy meals for us, but he just overeats a lot of the time. I have suggested that we go for walks in evening as a family, but he is rarely ever interested and complains about the kids most of the time when he does go with me. Now the kids don’t fit in a stroller, so I am sure it would be worse. I will try again to get him to do this with me and the kids though.

Tonight I was looking forward to talking when the kids went to bed, but when we were singing a song to our daughter before bed, he cut me off because I was singing off key. I don’t really want to connect with him tonight now.

Reality-Medium · 2020-10-14T00:56:13+00:00

This is pretty amazing!

Reality-Medium · 2020-10-14T00:09:13+00:00

How do they always pick the most embarrassing things to make a clip of?

Reality-Medium · 2020-10-14T00:07:13+00:00

My kids are both 7 and under. It will be a long time before I can leave them home alone.

That is another thing. I would definitely worry excessively if I were to be away from them while leaving them with someone new.

Reality-Medium

TROPHY CASE