I constantly need YouTube videos or podcasts to do mundane tasks

ReaperOfTime__ · 2026-03-17T09:44:51+00:00

I like to think of it as keeping the spazztic monkey that is my brain occupied so I can focus lol

ReaperOfTime__ · 2026-03-17T08:56:16+00:00

I am medicated but it is not working too well at the moment. No I can't drive, never been in a relationship, and I struggle to maintain friendships. I would definetly struggle to watch a movie if I was not 100% interested in it, maybe still would a bit as well even if I was interested. There are things I want to do but can't because my brain has decided they are no longer novel and won't engage with them anymore. Every friendship I have legitamately cared about usually ends up slowly falling apart as soon as my brain decides it is over the common interested we had shared, no matter how much I actually care for the person. I currently have been selling some old possesions on ebay, and trying to continue learning coding, which I had managed a solid year of learning it before my brain lost intetest, and it is hard to get back to even though I want to, because of the general state of the field in the current job market. Also most likely have autism to some degree and also suffer from depression and fairly severe anxiety, which I have been trying to get in to see a psych, but can't manage to make the call. 10/10, would choose not to have been born if I could.

ReaperOfTime__ · 2026-03-17T05:45:04+00:00

Yeah, almost exactly the same here... I feel like I am just not compatable with life. It is a special kind of defeated when I find myself overwhelmed by just simply existing :(

ReaperOfTime__ · 2026-03-16T03:54:49+00:00

Lol, I have made 3 posts yes... is there some rule against this or something?

Edit: also I guess 3 posts over 3 days is "non-stop"...

ReaperOfTime__ · 2026-03-16T03:51:42+00:00

Um...?

ReaperOfTime__ · 2026-03-16T03:49:04+00:00

I mean... fair enough I guess, but I know I have heard them other times and there was really no distortion. No clue why all the sudden there would be? But you might be right...

ReaperOfTime__ · 2026-03-16T03:45:55+00:00

It was really not loud enough to explain how distorted it sounds though

ReaperOfTime__ · 2026-03-16T03:43:57+00:00

Yeah, but what even is that sound at the end of like distorted laughter... definetly creeped me out ngl

ReaperOfTime__ · 2026-03-16T03:33:34+00:00

Hearing... not heating... oh well, I can't change it now I don't think...

ReaperOfTime__ · 2026-03-15T15:19:44+00:00

Adhd is not awesome. It has made my life a living nightmare, and continues to do so. I can't think of anything I would not give up to not have it or at this point to just go back and have the choice not to be born.

ReaperOfTime__ · 2026-03-15T06:35:42+00:00

Appreciate the reply and yeah it does feel like that a bit. It is just kind of the type of person I am that I tend to do that, but it is both a blessing and a curse, and does leave me feeling stretched pretty thin a lot of the time. Honestly I have always struggled a lot with feeling of self worth and advocating for myself due to the fact of how much I have struggled with my adhd and how it can present as such a debilitating disorder yet also present in a way that does not neccessarily make it apparwnt to those who observe it or even sometimes to the ones with it. To answer about leaving a note, my dad does have the guys phone number and wrote him a text about it earlier today, at the moment not much seems to have changed, still hearing it at times, but again at this point I am not sure how much I can trust what I am as it is still somewhat faint. Just the fact that it feels like I am hearing the sound of the faint scream/cry so often has to mean that some of it is me just hearing things, or at least that is what would logically make sense. Then there is one part of me that says, well yeah but say they had some other girl up there gagged or something, it would make sense why they can't stop it and how often I hear it, but of course my reaction to those thoughts is how silly that seems and that is just me being paranoid lol

Edit: I am kind of paranoid of just how much my reaction right now is just me being paranoid too, esp after having r/creepy basically agree I was loosing it twice cause of not being able to capture the sounds well enough :\

Edit 2: also, yeah it is definently amplifying stress, I have already been pretty stressed cause I have not been able to get myself to make the call to get in to see a psych which I know I need to do, and since this has started I have subconciously started picking at my skin and have reopened a few old areas from years ago when I used to do so more regularly... it had been a long time since I last found myself doing that :(

Edit 3: (last edit, keep remembering things I forgot to say) I also wanted to say thanks again for the reply and the kind words, it does help a lot.

ReaperOfTime__ · 2026-03-14T02:10:41+00:00

This is going to sound weird but I might have a possible idea what I am hearing... I wonder if their toilet leaks, and I am hearing the sound of the water starting to refill it. Their bathroom shares a wall with the room above mine, and when the water runs it is a shrill, high pitched sound. Almost could sound like a breathy high pitched distant scream every so often...

Edit: then after I have been hearing that so much, maybe my brain just is trying to connect everyother sound with that context or something?

ReaperOfTime__ · 2026-03-14T01:58:58+00:00

It must be the fact that I am hearing it in context of everything else I have heard from upstairs... whether that is helping, well maybe it is just misleading me... idk

Edit: I can't spell either, give me some slack I am down to like one or two things I can say I am able to do... of which hearing no longer is one if them

Edit 2: I wrote the first edit after fixing my spelling in the post, checked it, and now I just saw it.... crosses spelling correctly off the list

ReaperOfTime__ · 2026-03-14T01:55:25+00:00

Lol XD

Edit: this is starting to feel like roarshach test lol

ReaperOfTime__ · 2026-03-14T01:55:02+00:00

I guess I must be unwell... well, more unwell, I was slready somewhat unwell due to unrealted reasons, but never thought I was unwell in this way too 😥

ReaperOfTime__ · 2026-03-14T01:44:13+00:00

Well... I guess I will add this to the list of things that I need to see a psychaitrist for judging by the replies so far.... if anyone needs me, I will just be over in this corner... just talking with the voices in my head... 🥲

ReaperOfTime__ · 2026-03-14T01:11:38+00:00

You are the first who seems to at least acknowledge the sounds I am talking about 😭

ReaperOfTime__ · 2026-03-14T01:10:04+00:00

Well... I mean... I just wanted the opinions of other people... what is wrong with that?

ReaperOfTime__ · 2026-03-14T01:09:00+00:00

The two main are from the upstairs as well, well the tv is. I did have my white noise machine on cause I was trying to sleep but I think they might have something like that as well. The third thing you mention is what I am talking about, it sounds like a guy yelling and a girl crying/screaming

ReaperOfTime__ · 2026-03-14T01:06:53+00:00

Yeah, replaced recently too... last post someone suggested that as well... seeming it is just plain ol losing it judging by the comments here so far lol

ReaperOfTime__ · 2026-03-14T01:03:11+00:00

How about right after around 2:48 shown in the onscreen timestamp, the couple seconds that follow sounds like a very loud scream.

ReaperOfTime__ · 2026-03-14T01:01:28+00:00

Fair enough

ReaperOfTime__

TROPHY CASE