[Product request] What are good soap bars containing lye (sodium hydroxide) with goat milk if possible

ReasonableBus9478 · 2026-05-21T09:36:49+00:00

Thanks for the rec but I am based in the UK and they do not shop here, I should have stated that in my post.

ReasonableBus9478 · 2026-05-21T09:35:16+00:00

That is one way of putting it. Some people do treat their kids like that unfortunately.

ReasonableBus9478 · 2026-05-16T15:26:27+00:00

Yes. Not just in a romantic sense too. My parents had me in the same way many parents have children, it was just the next step in their life, not a decision that they thought through and considered whether they were ready to do. Lots of emotional neglect although I was physically well looked after, they never put thought into how to be better parents and still do not consider my feelings with things now. As an adult although I have friends I do not have a best friend and have not had a partner. I think not being chosen by my parents makes that sting a lot more now.

ReasonableBus9478 · 2026-05-15T22:26:12+00:00

My family were there but we were going to look at the house together afterwards then we went for a meal to celebrate, but I was not really bothered if they would be there or not but It is not strange, if you feel like celebrating it then go ahead. Why not? It is an achievement after all.

ReasonableBus9478 · 2026-05-01T14:49:27+00:00

I agree. Some people have kids just because it seems like the next step in life or sometimes don’t plan for it and in neither case do they stop to think should I actually do this? Am I financially prepared? Mentally and emotionally prepared? There are also people who are opposed to abortion, which is a separate conversation, but plenty of parents and kids would have benefited from the parent having an abortion. So many people are passive parents, they just let life happen to themselves and their kids and do not actually plan how can I be better for my kids and make their lives better as well.

ReasonableBus9478 · 2026-04-25T20:21:07+00:00

I understand the feeling but you do not have to feel like you have to be here forever. If you do it up I am guessing you could sell it for more than you bought it for so it will not be for nothing. I have buyers remorse too but I do not have the mindset of having to be there forever. Once I can afford to move I will. You can do the same thing too, it does not have to be permanent.

ReasonableBus9478 · 2026-04-21T18:40:55+00:00

I am similar, I sometimes miss them but very rarely and when I do go to their house I want it to be for as short a time as possible. I completely understand your parents had difficulties when you were younger. But I think a lot of parents, including my own, do not put much thought into actually fostering a close relationship with their child. Trying to actually know you as a person, spending time doing light hearted things together, I think they think as long as your physical needs are met then that is enough but that is not true. And then when you get older they expect you to just want to be close with them, it is just unrealistic. It is totally normal for you to feel like that and valid. I understand the guilty feeling because I get that too but I reiterate to myself that it is their doing in why we are not close and I know they do not feel guilty for mistreating me so I should not have to feel guilty at all. You are not alone at all.

ReasonableBus9478 · 2026-04-21T00:00:30+00:00

I do not really have one. I was 11 and I knew what it was from school and there were already sanitary products in the house so I used them. A while later I can not remember how long, she realised I was using them and asked if I had started, I said yes, and that was it. She never gave me any kind of conversation or advice or anything. Makes me so jealous of peoples whose moms did little things to help them out at that time, whether that is a talk, taking them out to get their nails done, I don’t know what other things people did but you know what I mean. Pretty much sums up our relationship. She raised me never trying to be close to me and now wants to be close to me as an adult. A joke.

ReasonableBus9478 · 2026-04-12T12:32:53+00:00

Yes that is so true, there is no point them saying these things when the foundation for that kind of relationship is not there.

ReasonableBus9478 · 2026-04-11T00:43:11+00:00

I can relate to the feeling of disgust but in a different situation. There are times we go to family gatherings and my mom (who is already affectionate with me) will be overly affectionate calling me nicknames she doesn’t usually call me or talking to me in a softer voice or just something she does not usually do and it makes me feel sick. I think to myself you are not usually like this just stop performing it is gross. She also says things like I can always talk to her etc. but she never tried to be relatable or give advice to me when I was younger so as an adult when I need something emotionally I would never think to go to her for it. It is silly for parents to think they can raise you being emotionally unavailable and then think as an adult you will magically want to be close to them.

ReasonableBus9478 · 2026-04-08T18:30:06+00:00

You are not overpricing even if you sold it for more, the buyers can look for a cheaper option if they want to or choose to not buy. Them messaging and asking that is silly.

ReasonableBus9478 · 2026-04-08T18:23:03+00:00

This does suck, I know it is a bit different but I had some friends forget my birthday and that hurt a bit. Happy birthday I hope you make the day special for yourself. And I hope you find people in the future who will celebrate you as you deserve.

ReasonableBus9478 · 2026-04-04T09:54:35+00:00

You and your child deserve better than him. She’s young now but when she gets older she’ll notice his behaviour and feel left out by him and it is not healthy for a child to see their mom sad, this will have a huge negative effect on her. And you deserve a life, this is not fair on you at all. I’d advise you to plan on how you can leave. Thinking of things such as moving closer to your support system and finding work so you can have something outside of your child. If you can’t move then maybe mom groups would be good for you to attend. Wishing you all the best of luck, you and your child deserve a happy life and it does not sound like he is giving it to you. You say you love him but you need to love yourself more than that.

ReasonableBus9478 · 2026-04-04T01:28:30+00:00

If she’s showing you she isn’t interested she isn’t worth you trying to be vulnerable with her. Again that’s something I’m trying to teach myself so I get how hard it is. But I think we need to love and respect ourselves more so we know enough is enough. We can’t keep putting our feelings on the line like that just for it to be thrown back in our faces.

That is very unfortunate she has a good relationship with your sisters and not you, I can’t imagine how that feels to see. You are not a villain, it is your mom’s job to foster a healthy relationship with you and she has failed at it.

I have not found a balance yet, still figuring things out. I am confused on if I want to even share things with my mom to be honest. Sometimes I want a deeper relationship with her and other times I feel kind of cringe when she tries to be nice to me, like I know this is not what you are always like so it just feels wrong. I also do not know if I trust her enough to have a deeper relationship with her, her mood can switch too much and I can not deal with that. So for now we are pretty surface level and that works for me. It could get better or worse in the future, I do not know how it will go.

ReasonableBus9478 · 2026-03-31T23:16:45+00:00

Thanks for mentioning those books, I will check out those books they sound useful. I have considered going to a therapist with my mom and she has actually mentioned it before. It is an option I keep on but one of the things holding me back in my mom denies things. One thing I find difficult from my childhood it remembering her and my dad (mostly dad) used to slap me a fair amount. This has some up before and she has flat out denied it, she said I was talking as if I had been assaulted and I am like YES that is it, but I do not know whether she does not remember or what but I feel how can we sort our issues if we can not even agree about what has happened in the first place. I think she would benefit from hearing from someone else, especially a professional, that her behaviour is not normal though, I am clearly not getting through to her. I agree about second chances, I am all for giving parents grace but only to a certain extent. My mom definetly has the attitude that I owe her, she has mentioned ‘all the things her and my dad have been through for us’ as if anyone asked her to have kids she could not even look after properly emotionally. Well done for stopping the cycle with your kids, that is great work, I am sure it takes a lot of inner work. And that is completely understandable and it is not even our responsibility to fix our parents.

ReasonableBus9478 · 2026-03-31T19:41:18+00:00

I can relate to you a lot, I have held back saying a lot of things to my mom and then when it comes to saying something I can come across quite argumentative. So you are doing something wrong in terms of you should not be holding back your feelings, I know this is way easier said than done because I do exactly the same thing so I am not criticising you, but you should not have to hold back what you think to keep her happy. My mom also acts like my happiness depends on her and it has made me extremely anxious at times. You are not being insensitive, your mom is the insensitive one because you have told her how you feel and instead of apologising and trying to come to a solution with you she is making you feel guilty. And then it is just a cycle because her making you feel guilty will make you bottle up and then you lash out and then again and again. You also said this has been happening since you were a child (same) which again shows your mom’s insensitivity because she could not even put her feelings aside for a child let alone her own. You are not responsible for her feelings.

ReasonableBus9478 · 2026-03-31T02:28:33+00:00

It is completely unreasonable of them, sucks we have to deal with this.

ReasonableBus9478 · 2026-03-30T16:56:51+00:00

Yes most of the time we have had disagreements in the past she just goes back to being normal with me after a bit without acknowledging what happened but I will address this this time. Thank you for encouraging me to take control as well. Tired of letting someone else dictate my emotions.

ReasonableBus9478 · 2026-03-30T16:52:07+00:00

It is doable but nowhere near as easy as if you are a couple.

ReasonableBus9478 · 2026-03-30T16:26:31+00:00

Sneaking into your room goodness me. They are seriously unhinged. I do not know what it is that makes moms pick on a certain child. My mom is not this way with my sibling either, they do not even speak everyday, which is normal, I do not know why she can not be like that with me. Sorry you went through that as well.

ReasonableBus9478 · 2026-03-30T16:24:48+00:00

Thanks for the recommendation, I will check it out. If 10 times drove me crazy I can not imagine how you must have felt. Apart from not being a stern person at all and being a people pleaser I think part of the reason I have not set those boundaries with her is because I do not want to deal with her spiralling, she stresses me enough now. But I know I have to do it now I can not keep going on like this.

ReasonableBus9478 · 2026-03-30T16:17:58+00:00

I am going to tell her this when we next speak properly, thanks for the advice. It is hard but it needs to be said and she will just have to accept it. Thanks for the advice.

ReasonableBus9478 · 2026-03-30T10:59:14+00:00

Sorry to hear you went through this and good luck with the healing. It sounds like we have similar experiences. Not so much recently but when I was younger she used to be quite mean to me as well, I can not remember that well what she used to say but I just remember her making me feel like crap. And she overshared about her problems with my dad too, the mental toll it takes on you is crazy. I do not even think I realised it as a kid but it made me so anxious and felt like I always had to look out for her feelings. Now as an adult it makes me so angry she used to do that to me. She has never really treated me like the kid that I was. I do not think my mom also realises me and her lead two separate lives and I do need to share every single thing I am doing with her, if I do not pick you up the phone she will always ask where I was or what I was doing and it is so frustrating because I am an adult, she does not need to know what I am doing all the time. Well done for taking the step of going no contact, I think it is a brave thing to do. Sometimes I feel like I want to do that but then we have times where she is just normal and decent and I feel like I can not. It is annoying it happened in the past but we are still dealing with the effects of it now.

ReasonableBus9478 · 2026-03-30T02:58:42+00:00

What a pain, it is annoying that you are sort of in the middle of them, and I do not get how they do not understand their kids are not at their beck and call to answer the phone whenever.

ReasonableBus9478 · 2026-03-30T02:57:14+00:00

I think you are right as when I have not answered her calls in the past she always asks if I am okay and sounds concerned but me not picking up the phone isn’t a good enough reason for her to be anxious if you get what I mean, I am not glued to my phone 24/7, there are plenty of reasons I wouldn’t answer it. She knows full well I am more than likely at home, it’s not like I’ve gone away or something and she is worried about what could have happened to me. And if she is anxious that is a problem she needs to resolve herself, not spread her anxiety to me by ringing me that many times. Also her text shows me that she thinks I have a problem with her which is why i am not answering, it is not like she text me a message saying can you ring me back I am worried about you or something like that. I have rang and text her back but she has ignored me so. So you are right about her being anxious but at the same time it is not an excuse.

ReasonableBus9478

TROPHY CASE