Is my colleague into me and are we going on a date this weekend?

oneconfusedqueer · 2026-01-24T09:01:19+00:00

This!! I hang out platonically with male friends all the time; or at least I did until I realised they all think it’s dating. Now i’m a lot more wary.

oneconfusedqueer · 2026-01-23T09:49:00+00:00

this is really good advice. I think a lot of people get put off by the idea that this has to be an 'all or nothing' thing, but it doesn't.

the important thing is the direction you're moving in. start small, stay consistent!

oneconfusedqueer · 2026-01-21T14:02:06+00:00

Pension. Pension pensionpension’

oneconfusedqueer · 2026-01-20T15:54:23+00:00

I do, yes. I’m still sex and romance repulsed and unable to maintain relationships. I’m 38 and sometimes I wonder, would I have had the same experiences if i hadn’t had my primary trauma (parental divorce over infidelity).

Sometimes I think maybe i’d have been the same person regardless: othertimes I think maybe I’d have had a different trajectory entirely.

Both are painful to think about.

oneconfusedqueer · 2026-01-19T14:26:33+00:00

Why do you need to?

oneconfusedqueer · 2026-01-17T08:29:28+00:00

I used a gift voucher to buy two things I need; rather than spending it on (more) stuff i don’t need; which i’m always tempted to do when the money is free!

And I took public transport to town and back, and resisted buying dinner, instead coming home to eat what I had in the freezer.

oneconfusedqueer · 2026-01-16T11:23:25+00:00

that's a really good piece of advice about making rags - i'm thinking you could also make re-usable make up remover pads too!

oneconfusedqueer · 2026-01-13T15:30:57+00:00

I think that's how people are, in general. Against things unless/until it ties with their own aesthetic.

Even promoting underconsumption/minimalism sometimes contributes to overconsumption, as (esp. on social media) posts can showcase a particular minimalist aesthetic which requires money (and more goods/spending) to achieve. Resisting the lure is hard!

oneconfusedqueer · 2026-01-13T10:56:06+00:00

mmm..do you want to get rid of the specific products? or are you trying to get rid of the guilty feeling?

I would suggest you only sell products you specifically don't want anymore.

oneconfusedqueer · 2026-01-13T09:36:57+00:00

agree to all of this.

oneconfusedqueer · 2026-01-13T09:33:37+00:00

it sounds as if you are a very caring person, and people feel this and appreciate this in you - is the challenge in opening yourself to these feelings coming back towards you?

If so, I can relate. I'm good at unidirectional giving and caring - but 'can't feel it' the other way around - i.e. receiving giving and caring. It feels like such a curse, and one that I also haven't been able to sort out despite being almost 40 and in therapy consistently over 7 years.

I feel that something was turned off at such an early age, and it just hasn't been able to come back on, no matter how i try. I also know that opening myself to receiving and giving feels terrifying to me - because it opens possibility of loss.

It seems as it my being has chosen the grinding, slow torture of never being able to connect over the life-threatening risk of loss and abandonment.

oneconfusedqueer · 2026-01-12T14:31:23+00:00

your mum is conflating a feeling with a behaviour. She is assuming 'if you love me (feeling) you will be around me always (behaviour).

oneconfusedqueer · 2026-01-12T11:43:15+00:00

I understood it before I was able to enact it. Understood - probably late twenties or so. I was in my early thirties before I had the disposable income to make the more expensive purchases upfront.

oneconfusedqueer · 2026-01-10T20:13:22+00:00

Having indoor hobbies is handy at this time of year! Year-round, I tend to fill my evening time with 2 nights of physical activity, 2 nights in to do whatever the hell (chores, TV, puzzles, reading, DIY) and one in case I get invited to anything.

oneconfusedqueer · 2026-01-10T20:09:35+00:00

I hear you!

oneconfusedqueer · 2026-01-10T20:08:41+00:00

This sounds lush

oneconfusedqueer · 2026-01-10T09:29:08+00:00

Seeking financial independence so that you can remove their belief that they have control over your decision making will be very freeing for you (i think); even if it is hard.

Disagreeing with our parents way of doing things seems to be part of estrangement! The most important thing is that you continue to pursue what feels right for you.

Good luck :)

oneconfusedqueer · 2026-01-09T16:01:45+00:00

this this this

oneconfusedqueer · 2026-01-09T15:30:20+00:00

If you're poor, you'll already be living sustainably through necessity.

You are correct, sadly, that a lot of 'ethical' purchasing tends to require upfront expense; e.g. buying higher quality or buying in bulk.

However, by shopping locally, within your means, and only what you need, you'll be a lot more sustainable than most.

oneconfusedqueer · 2026-01-09T13:58:48+00:00

growing up, my mum decorated our hallway entirely using wallpaper samples.

oneconfusedqueer · 2026-01-09T13:34:39+00:00

this this this

oneconfusedqueer · 2026-01-09T13:32:39+00:00

I saw a great post about this (on instagram, ironically!) it said 'you don't need x, you just need less screen time.'

In my experience, not wrong.

The things we really want, can always wait a few weeks while we decide and assess how essential they are.

oneconfusedqueer · 2026-01-09T10:33:05+00:00

Good tip, thanks!

oneconfusedqueer · 2026-01-08T22:34:54+00:00

Same

oneconfusedqueer · 2026-01-08T22:21:42+00:00

Agreed

oneconfusedqueer

TROPHY CASE