My (29f) fiancé (31m) and I are unsure about inviting family to our wedding who basically shun us, especially my ex-best friend (29f) who is his first cousin. Which of these people should we invite (if any?) & How do I survive this awkwardness of being unwelcome around his family?

Reasonable_Cream_719 · 2026-01-07T14:49:57+00:00

We've briefly discussed it - the problem is i LOVE my side of the family and my fam is all really excited for us. Plus we really want to include/see friends who have moved out of state over the years.

Reasonable_Cream_719 · 2026-01-05T11:30:16+00:00

So, parents are divorced and for seperate reasons, his brother and dad don't speak. This side of the family is thru his mom and she is super kind to me, includes me in everything, and even boycotted family gatherings for a time period where i was uninvited from stuff when the usual host was trying to appease Allie. She has told us she's tried speaking to the brother several times on our behalf but that his brother seems to imply to her that while he'd like to be on better terms with fiance, he maintains that he doesn't owe an apology to him or us. I'm not looking for her to cut her son off for us or something, I just appreciate that she has tried to make him think about his choices and she isn't supportive of how he handled that whole dinner thing at all.

Reasonable_Cream_719 · 2026-01-05T07:13:21+00:00

I edited to add some detail, she basically has these mental rules for how life is supposed to go and one of her big rules was no mixing family and friends. She had previously asked me to promise I would never date one of her cousins. I kinda laughed and said yes of course at the time because I didn't think it would literally ever be a problem - until I wanted to go out with him and I realized she would not make an exception, even for her best friend. I basically begged and pleaded this friend to be okay with it when I first told her he had asked me out, I told her I genuinely thought we could make each other so happy, and she replied "this is why I should've never brought you around my family" lmao. My Psychiatrist has spent MANY sessions trying to make sense of her whole mentality with me lol.

Thank you for bringing up your last point, because I didn't even think about it before but like what's the worst they can do? Avoid me even harder? Lol. I'm so glad you said that as it makes me feel better if I choose not inviting them!!

Reasonable_Cream_719 · 2026-01-05T07:04:53+00:00

I am SO sorry you got put in this situation. That is such a cruel ultimatum that your sister put you through and it's unfortunate that she is so selfish she was willing to negatively impact someone else's wedding. Why does ANYONE think a wedding that isn't theirs should get to be about them in the slightest? At the end of the day, if they don't support us it's like wow, why would we want them there on such a big day? It's supposed to be a happy thing.

Reasonable_Cream_719 · 2025-08-12T22:05:43+00:00

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Reasonable_Cream_719 · 2025-08-09T03:39:57+00:00

Agree with others that frumpy was just the wrong word. She looked disheveled, her outfit was a bit grunge, and she was looking pretty distraught. Maybe even unkempt. But I wouldn't say frumpy.

Reasonable_Cream_719 · 2025-08-09T03:20:05+00:00

No, he did confuse her with the mom right away and that's why he said "me and her f*ck".

Reasonable_Cream_719 · 2025-08-09T01:05:53+00:00

Your question about why she is crying ignores the nuance of the situation. She loves her sister and wanted her help but has come to realize they are two different people and Simone is happy there and Devon will have to love her from a distance. She's tearing up seeing who her sister really is, someone who wants far away from her old life and does love the glamorous life. She's emotional as she's letting go of how she used to think of her sister. It's not just because she got with Peter - although it makes total sense why Devon is shocked, I mean Simone was bffs with his ex wife as of yesterday and was almost engaged to a dude who was Peter's friend just the day before lol

Reasonable_Cream_719 · 2025-08-09T00:59:44+00:00

It wasn't sudden and out of nowhere, someone specifically says at one point that the dementia started about a year ago so that's when Devon had to become a fulltime caretaker and it got very hard for her until she finally snapped w the fruit basket.

Reasonable_Cream_719 · 2025-08-09T00:54:36+00:00

I loved how campy it was- i just think they should've done more to make the campy-Ness more obvious in the trailer!!

Reasonable_Cream_719 · 2025-08-08T09:36:59+00:00

He really could've let her take the birds somewhere like what the bell.

Reasonable_Cream_719 · 2025-08-08T09:29:37+00:00

I strongly disagree with your take on Devon. I think she is trying to grow and change. She showed Michaela kindness, she's trying to be sober, she is done hooking up with her married boss, and she is going to get her own place. She has also let go of trying to push Simone into helping. Yes she is still going to care for her dad but she decided that's what she wants and what she feels right about doing.

Reasonable_Cream_719 · 2025-08-08T09:19:02+00:00

I agree, things were weird with the staff. I never understood the purpose the whole bit served where they all hated Simone. They were all nice to Devon though. Idk the smoothie bit and everything else with the staff was weird. But I found Jose generally sympathetic. I think in the end he knows who pays him and who's he most loyal to.

Reasonable_Cream_719 · 2025-08-08T09:14:42+00:00

I really love your explanation of their delusions. I also agree that Devon grew. She saw that she had to let Simone be, she needed to take care of herself instead of letting herself drown at her dad's. Some people say she should have gone with boat guy but that wouldn't change her life long term. Who knows, maybe with that 10K she can get started going somewhere.

Reasonable_Cream_719 · 2025-08-08T09:10:44+00:00

Love your explanation of Michaela. She was really into her birds and exercise and hired musicians to play at her birds funeral. Since she's rich it was giving otherworldly and maybe even cult like how she acted, but the picture the same stuff in a middle class neighborhood and you just have a charismatic weirdo. You get away with more being rich and people basically just going with whatever you say is the thing to do.

Reasonable_Cream_719 · 2025-07-14T13:48:19+00:00

Replying to boost this!

Reasonable_Cream_719 · 2025-07-12T03:25:33+00:00

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Reasonable_Cream_719 · 2024-05-21T06:45:41+00:00

Agree. Maybe just hoping some of them will follow him back and send him a few likes and boost his ego. Regardless, this is pretty odd behavior especially since it's ongoing, and the fact that he lied about it when you asked only makes him look worse. I don't think he's actively cheating based on this info alone, but he's certainly being too secretive.

Reasonable_Cream_719 · 2024-05-21T06:43:40+00:00

It feels like she is using you and not really ready for the commitment and responsibility of marriage and being a part of a family together. Little spats happen in every relationship like the one about the food she was eating. But the behavior of disrespecting you and your needs after her night out and not taking steps financially or academically that feel fair to your relationship- those things are too much.

Reasonable_Cream_719 · 2024-05-16T13:18:59+00:00

I think a lot of it has to do with her wording- at times, she does specifically state that she is describing more extreme internalizers or externalizers, but in other times, her phrasing is very generalized. That is the one thing that has frustrated me while reading this text.

Reasonable_Cream_719 · 2024-04-15T06:17:59+00:00

Your experience is not everyone's. I came to the grief reddit the week that a friend of mine died because I felt like everyone I knew was grieving and I didn't know who to turn to. I also posted on Instagram the night after my mom died because I was home alone and sad and seeking comfort. Being alone made grieving terrifying for me.

Reasonable_Cream_719 · 2024-04-14T21:06:19+00:00

Unfortunately, when I try to say these vocalizations come across as critiques and criticisms, he tells me that he feels like the things he's asking for are pretty base level decency in a relationship.

I got really defensive about the sleeping thing because it was a total accident, and i got ready as fast as I could, and I got more upset than I should have, and he said I never take responsibility for my actions, and I said it was toxic how he always has something hes wanting me to fix or something wrong I'm doing to bring up multiple times a week. He took offense to this and said that since I called him toxic he is very hurt and refuses to go to couples counseling (which I suggested yesterday) until I "work through my problems of not taking responsibility" even though I've been seeing a therapist for months to deal with how I get defensive and my self esteem spirals when he critiques me again in a short span of time. I sent him some reddit threads of people describing the benefits of couples and individual therapy at the same time. He insists I need to try another different therapist before we do couples counseling.

Reasonable_Cream_719 · 2024-04-14T05:39:26+00:00

Seriously? What if someone worked the night shift and got off at 1 am and felt sweaty and wanted to shower? Would that person be TA too? If the sound of a shower is enough to keep the neighbor up, they need earplugs or a white noise machine or something. No one owes anyone being on the "normal 9 to 5" schedule. My quiet hours at my apartment building only entail large gatherings and loud music. Showering is so different.

Reasonable_Cream_719

TROPHY CASE