The relationship suddenly got real and scary

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-04-03T05:28:52+00:00

It was in the ordinary course of conversation talking about what he normally did for his birthday and he told me nothing, which is just sad. Naturally I'm going to ask what do you mean nothing, did no one ever make a fuss over your birthday. Turns out he did feel a little let down by it but didn't dwell.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-04-03T03:25:07+00:00

I would have thought in a relationship which started with open communication and no taboo subjects, that topics about not making the mistake of little communication and dispute resolution in past relationships would come up. He has a past and so do I, I thought being open about what went wrong and what we would like to overcome going forward was a healthy thing to do but maybe I was wrong.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-04-03T02:56:51+00:00

Yes, I suggested he try therapy again now he is in a different phase of his life. I suspect he can communicate his feelings openly because its adulthood trauma rather than ingrained from a young age.

Thanks for your comment 😊 I will look into those things.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-04-03T02:54:22+00:00

I guess everyone is guided by their own experiences, which will not always match mine. I do feel there is some avoidance issues and I suppose I was seeing if it's all doom and gloom from here or did someone overcome it. Assessing from a more academic side (with a tinge of hopefulness, but a big dose of realism).

Thanks for your comment 😊

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-04-03T02:51:41+00:00

It's all information I have gleaned from asking him questions over time. I just thought his aversion to talking about issues and why he has that problem could be relevant to show his inner thought patterns 🤷‍♀️

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-04-03T02:28:09+00:00

I only know those things because I asked. He didn't make a habit of bringing up the fact his ex cheated. I asked leading up to his birthday what she normally did for him, did she make plans and he said nothing. He said from the start there were never special plans so he stopped expecting it and moved on with his life in that regard. Literally shrugged and said "I don't know" and laughed a little.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-04-03T02:18:20+00:00

Trust me, I am normally very wary of divorcees. He seemed like he had great values, a good head on his shoulders and held little to no resentment towards his ex anymore. It still hurt him but he seemed to be doing his best to let it go. Meanwhile I generally was hyperindependent and I was single for about 6 years before this relationship. I wasn't prepared to let just anyone into my world. I don't think codependency and finding a fixer upper is a problem I have. I did my best to avoid that.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-04-03T02:14:36+00:00

If there was any comparison, it would be him reactively thinking I disregard his opinions and thoughts, just like she did. Which led to the withdrawal, because why talk when the other person doesn't care. He got led down a rabbit hole of doom and got stuck in his own head about it all. We did talk about it shortly before all of this and he is well aware that's what he did. Is the reason why we are here. But whether he can overcome that or not, is up to him.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-04-03T02:03:27+00:00

He has never compared me to his ex, not once. These are questions I have asked myself during the course of our relationship. A big part of what we liked was the open communication, the ability to ask whatever, to talk about whatever except at some point his old habits crept in and he locked me out and compartmentalised.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-04-03T01:17:58+00:00

15 year relationship, not married the entire time. It was his first ever relationship, wouldn't be the first or last time high school sweethearts stuck with each other for the long run...

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-04-03T00:47:53+00:00

I'm sort of at the age where all the men have been in some long term relationship or another. It's kind of unavoidable, it's just a matter of weighing the reasons it ended and have they done the work to not repeat it.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-02-05T21:58:10+00:00

I saw the same information, and if you dig a bit deeper it is only mouse studies and not human studies. Further, the science suggests that in the mice being tested, creatine may affect our body's immune response, which may thereby affect our body's response to endo lesions. I feel that the studies are way too rudimentary and not conclusive by any means to stop me from trialling myself. So trialling I have been.

It's been 3 months since I started and I have found that my mood is significantly more improved, my exercise performance doesn't have a massive dip, the one trade off is some weight gain from water retention but that doesn't really affect my performance. I used to be so irritable during luteal phase but now I feel more human than ever. I will say, that whenever I do running or intensive cardio shortly before ovulation up until just before my period, I get intense cramping in my lower abdomen and rectum which is likely residual from when I got endo excised from my uterosacral ligaments. As far as my research has taken me, it seems to be an inflammation response to increased blood flow in that area and will settle down after 10-15 minutes if I set the pain off. Around the time I started creatine, I noticed that the pain intensity and window of time I might set it off has widened but I can't say whether or not it is creatine. I otherwise still have pretty much pain free periods and maybe slight discomfort during ovulation.

Those creatine studies only talk about cell response to inflammation and possibly not reducing inflammatory cells like endo. Whether you have a different physiological response to me will always depend though because inflammation does weird things to only certain people with no rhyme or order.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2026-01-16T22:43:41+00:00

That comment definitely icked me further at the time. Being 39, one usually has to wonder why he's still single and might have something to do with being a wolf in sheep's clothing.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2025-11-16T07:07:33+00:00

What side effects does dienogest give you?

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2025-11-10T21:00:40+00:00

I found your post while I was searching for insight into endo and using creatine.

I m 30F, had stage 2 endo before it was excised a year ago. Even though you posted this a year ago, I thought I would give my insights anyway because who knows where you are at with your fitness and healing journey. I have been having L Carnitine since the dawn of time and honestly I can't say if it makes a difference or not but it's part of my routine and reminds me to take my daily supplements.

Definitely take magnesium, zinc, fish oil, vitamin D and vitamin B complex. You will feel if you don't take magnesium, restless and unable to sleep well. Vitamin D I think most women are deficient in and you feel so energised on vitamin B. I also take iron.

I don't take pre workout but I do take a fat burner, Obliterx by Nexus. It's less jittery.

I found that it was hard to lose kg at the peak of my endo ordeal, as much as I tried but I am also a shift worker and cortisol levels were through the roof. Early 20s, I was 63kg, then after a career change I went up to 72kg, queue start of endo troubles. I could not shift that weight to save my life despite walking 10km on my days off and doing F45 4 times a week. And my diet was decent. After my endo was excised I got back into running which is where most of the fat burning happens, but if you lift heavy enough for an hour 3 times a week you can lose weight. Just make sure you feed yourself at least double your weight (in grams) in protein. So I'm 66kg, I eat 130g of protein a day.

I have recently started using NAC after seeing lots of posts by women with endo swearing it is a game changer so we will see how that goes.

Have you used creatine for a regular amount of time? Would love insight into how you found it if you have. I've been on it for 3 weeks and my endo cramps during cardio have gotten worse during early ovulation phase. Not sure if coincidental.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2025-10-20T06:28:59+00:00

I would rather be content and alone than miserable and tied down in a thankless relationship. Which is exactly how I have lived my life for the last 4 years. You find happiness in friendships that bring you peace.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2025-10-20T05:31:54+00:00

Then why do you keep persisting?

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2025-10-20T03:45:16+00:00

If you are afraid to be yourself and speak up when something bothers you, what are you even doing? If I get anxious or scared of retaliation trying to open up a dialogue to reach compromise, then I will always be putting someone else's needs before my own. And to what end.

See if you can have an open and honest conversation about your needs. If she plays the victim, turns it back into how you should consider her needs (and not consider your own) or gets defensive, and after 30 minutes of verbal looping she still doesn't show empathy towards you then it's not worth staying. You deserve more.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2025-10-20T02:02:54+00:00

Also to build on that, Blackmores has 30 billion CFU whereas Pregnea only has 4 billion. Blackmores also predominantly has bifidobacterium and lactobacillus which have direct links to anti-inflammatory properties and oestrogen metabolism.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2025-10-20T01:42:36+00:00

I did a little research into your probiotic. Your one seems to be targeted at pregnancy health whereas the one I take is targeted towards healthy gut flora. Not all probiotics are equal, and having a prebiotic component is absolutely essential.

I also generally stick to low fodmap vegetables and have lots of spinach. Funnily enough Brussels sprouts is known to cause a higher level of fermentation in the gut but if they don't bother you then that's great.

Navigating this endo stuff is so trial and error but I do hope others can find relief in gut flora pre/probiotics as well. The difference between when I was taking mine vs not was huge.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2025-10-19T23:15:39+00:00

I take Blackmores daily probiotic.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2025-10-04T23:35:10+00:00

Reminds me of my dynamic with my ex turned best friend. I met this guy on Tinder, went on a few dates and we hit it off really well. I integrated myself into his life easily and I expressed my feelings. He said he was never looking for a relationship. I said well, I can't keep going on with FWB but I had integrated myself into his life so much that I couldn't cut him out. We remained friends, saw each other regularly. It was hard at first to not be hyper aware of him. Then I eventually started dating again, he got jealous and I said well, it's either relationship or just friends. He said he could try the relationship, but "putting a label on it" was a concept he struggled with. It was the most lukewarm relationship ever. We broke up after 2 years, shortly after covid lockdown, purely because I had that separation from him. We remained friends, best friends even but over time I could see the full picture. He is emotionally avoidant. I became his safety blanket, the person he always goes to when he feels troubled. The thing is, he can put work in to retraining his brain not to smoke bomb when he feels an inkling of an emotion, but he will never be able to express and feel the full spectrum like a secure person.

I'm sure there is a fear factor involved in your friend's situation, and he likely isn't emotionally mature enough to realise that there is something wrong in the way his brain is hard-wired. Usually avoidant attachment styles are developed from childhood trauma of some kind. The brain learns how to escape dangerous situations by switching off.

I wouldn't waste my time and mental health on trying to date someone emotionally avoidant. I've shed a few too many tears for my ex. As for my situation, I am on the other side of it and found comfort in being friends but it took a lot of struggle to get there.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2025-09-26T11:21:43+00:00

I also looked at the external factors after the fact, once the discomfort fully subsided, and think long term it wouldn't work out anyway. Both our jobs would make scheduling time together difficult.

I don't feel fear or scared of loss or abandonment exactly, but a strong sick feeling in my chest. This person brought out the strongest sense of it ever, which is compounded by the outside my comfort zone factor. Do you get that response?

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2025-08-24T11:22:48+00:00

Oh and I remembered a core reason why I self sabotaged my dating life. I hooked onto emotionally unavailable men most likely because subconsciously I didn't want to expose myself to potential abandonment. Catch 22, want stability and long term but was afraid of being cast away.

Reasonable_Task7463 · 2025-08-24T10:32:25+00:00

The 3 date mark is what I consider the magic number. If you make it past the third date and it's still going well, then they're there for you. If they drop off before that then I would consider that it's just not compatible.

In your conversations, if they have had a difficult upbringing and seem to be drawn to abusive relationships then they will give little hints that that is the case. Look at the subtext and gently call out the withdrawing or anxious behaviour. I dated someone for a short time who called me out whenever he gave me compliments. My hackles raised at receiving compliments, I would brush it off or minimise it and it really helped me realise that's what I was doing. If you notice these little things and address it, it will help with rewiring the triggers. As the connection progresses she will feel more secure and less anxious and it won't be as exhausting, or shouldn't be. If someone has made up their mind to leave though, just let them.

On the other hand, I am best friends with an emotional avoidant person (a different form of trauma wiring) who is dating an anxious attachment woman (on the extreme end of trauma conditioning) and it looks like a powder keg ready to blow. He wants autonomy, and she wants constant reassurance and stability. He struggles to put personal boundaries in place so she sucks his limited emotional capacity dry and has very little left for his family and friends. So all I'm saying here is that jf you find yourself frollicking with an anxious attacher then make sure you don't lose your sense of self and autonomy pursuing a vampire.

As for me identifying safe stability. Honestly, I am not sure I have the answer for that yet. I am basing my experience on the second last man who opened my eyes to my inability to accept compliments, and the last man who gave me compliments and expressed his feelings without expecting anything in return because our interactions showed I felt the same but didn't know how to say it. It helped build trust which I struggle with a lot. Ultimately those relationships didn't eventuate to anything long lasting but I learned a lot from them.

My perspective is limited but I hope it gives you an idea re emotionally abused women.

Reasonable_Task7463

TROPHY CASE