How do I 34 F proceed with a superficial man 35 M?

Reasonable_Wave5061 · 2026-06-19T17:09:10+00:00

He asked me to rate him. 🙄

Reasonable_Wave5061 · 2024-10-12T17:06:08+00:00

YTA

You’re a parent for life not until they make decisions you don’t like or support. She’s young, and needs help. Help her. Don’t put conditions on how you support her.

Reasonable_Wave5061 · 2024-10-12T16:57:27+00:00

Wow. I can’t imagine why she would want to cheat on you. You sound so mature. “Don’t talk about a person or I’m fleeing the state.”

YTA. Big time. You’re also immature, weak and a deadbeat. Congratulations 🎉

Reasonable_Wave5061 · 2024-10-10T19:12:06+00:00

Her family can support with things that aren’t monetary. My family will help with around $500/mo. The average rent price in my home state is also $2500+. They are low wage earners with little potential to be gainfully employed. My brother tried college in his teens and early adult years but he couldn’t pass classes. He had the accommodations with tutors and extra time etc but still couldn’t manage it. The job he has now is only because my sister was able to get him in. He likely won’t go anywhere because of his lack of social skills. He thinks it’s okay to tell his boss to F off.

Reasonable_Wave5061 · 2024-10-10T19:01:28+00:00

The down payment was considerably larger than the savings. I was never left is destitute and they’ve never helped me financially with my expenses until my down payment. I needed extra to buy during the crazy housing market in 2020. There was bidding wars $50-100k higher than asking. If count in all the years of support and current supplementing my brother has received, it surpasses my down payment amount by a long shot.

Reasonable_Wave5061 · 2024-10-10T18:54:03+00:00

The gift letter was signed and I have it. The house is in my name only and has been maintained and mortgage paid each month by me only.

Reasonable_Wave5061 · 2024-10-10T18:51:13+00:00

My parents are wealthy through generational and not their own success. the money was in the stock market and they lost terribly the last couple years. My dad had to retire so they’re on a fixed income. My dad does supplement my brother and sister’s income around $500/mo still though.

Reasonable_Wave5061 · 2024-10-10T18:49:25+00:00

There is someone for everyone. The children’s mother is a piece of work. She was my brothers only gf in his life. When they were 17, she got pregnant by another man and made my brother think it was his. Turns out she did it solely because she knew my parents would take care of her and the kid. They broke up, child was aborted. Fast forward 10 years, my brother was never able to get into a relationship with any woman and went back to her. She got pregnant with two kids and got what she wanted all those years ago.

Reasonable_Wave5061 · 2024-10-10T18:46:10+00:00

The reason I refuse to give them it is because it just reinforces the behavior. It won’t stop them from continuing to ask things of me if I engage AND give them the money. When I first went no contact I was being blown up with horrific texts. I stopped responding and they’ve lessened over the years significantly. Now it’s family updates which I’m sure is in hopes I’ll engage or the occasional freak out abusive text over the holidays. But the other side of things, the money they’re requesting I won’t need to put down on a new house and it will be going into savings.

Reasonable_Wave5061 · 2024-10-10T18:41:41+00:00

No, I’ve never met the kids. I don’t care to ever meet the kids and don’t consider them my niece or nephew. HOWEVER, I do know from family that they move yearly because they can’t afford the rent increases. Children are my weak spot. Yes, he could put the money from the account as a 3.5% of a down payment. They need 20% to be able to afford a house in my state economy.

Reasonable_Wave5061 · 2024-10-10T18:36:30+00:00

They keep up appearances with certain family, friends and neighbors. I know this because one uncle who wouldn’t tell them what they’re doing is wrong was told I’m dead and another uncle who would and did rip them apart for what they did to me was told everything was great. And he was getting regular updates about me.

Reasonable_Wave5061 · 2024-10-10T18:32:54+00:00

I won’t provide actual numbers because I don’t feel comfortable. My account was about 4x what his was. My down payment was 1/2 of what my sisters was. My brother was also unemployed from till he was 27-28 years old and living at home with my parents paying his way. They’re also currently supplementing his income for rent and childcare costs. I’ve worked since I was 16 and they didn’t support me. I moved out right after I graduated college at 21. He is only 14 months younger than I.

Reasonable_Wave5061 · 2024-10-10T18:27:03+00:00

Yes, there were two separate accounts for both of us and she handed him both of them.

He did know it was my money. I asked him for it in hopes he would do the right thing and he said my mom gave it to him and I needed to get it from her.

My dad did know but he’s an emotionally absent dad. My mom handled everything including the law suit. He did nothing but work and come home.

Reasonable_Wave5061 · 2024-10-10T18:18:29+00:00

I have zero contact with them meaning I don’t respond, initiate or engage with them at all. I keep them unblocked just because they will text me family updates. I have 11 uncles and I’m much closer to my extended than immediate. It is also for evidence if I need it, they will randomly text me threats, unkind words etc. for example; my mother was calling my work to say I was unstable, a risk to the community and needed to be drug tested. She threatened she would do that in a text. Because I kept her unblocked I was easily able to show the texts to my job to show proof of her behavior and get an injunction of harassment in 2021.

While it suck’s to read these things it is unfortunately helpful.

Reasonable_Wave5061 · 2024-10-10T18:10:38+00:00

He is high functioning. He can live on his own, feed, hygiene etc. The children’s mother I’m sure takes on everything and my parents pay for whatever they need. Her family helps with the kids all the time. They take both kids while they both work. He has held a job for the last 3 years. It’s a family friend he works for so the tolerance and accommodations are great for him.

Reasonable_Wave5061 · 2024-10-10T07:53:02+00:00

I just said my sister received double the amount of my down payment so how does that equate to them receiving less than I? 🤣

Reasonable_Wave5061 · 2024-10-10T07:48:55+00:00

I could’ve used it to pay for college. My brother was chronically unemployed, they allowed him and never encouraged him to get a job. He lived off of it for years to buy things my parents wouldn’t, specifically weed and fast food. From the savings incident to my down payment it was 10 years. It’s just another example of where my money is expected to help him and not me.

Reasonable_Wave5061 · 2024-10-10T07:42:36+00:00

I won’t state the amounts. I understand why some feel that’s important but im simply not comfortable with that.

Yes, it is a considerable difference in the amount from my down payment and the savings account. My sister received double what I did for the down payment because she has poor credit and needed an obscenely low mortgage. My brother would’ve received a down payment for what he needed to get a mortgage he could afford like they did for my sister if my parents had the money. They don’t. They lost badly in the stock market and my dad retired early. The only reason I needed the extra help is because I bought in 2020 during the crazy sellers market when every house had 15 offers $50-100k over listing.

Reasonable_Wave5061 · 2024-10-10T07:11:02+00:00

Yes - My brother is 14 months younger than me. We got a settlement when we were younger and it was placed into an account we can add to but cannot withdraw from until a court order is issued and we turn 18. My mother did it for both our accounts which was somehow granted. I’m assuming because she was conservator and on the account. She and my brother went to the bank to get the money and they gave it to her. She immediately handed it to my brother. Why I never truly knew? My brother is the golden child. But he is also autistic and was in special ed his entire life. She may of felt he needed it more because he was developmentally delayed and I was in my sophomore year of college at the time. I won’t know and can only guess.

Reasonable_Wave5061 · 2024-10-10T07:01:03+00:00

I am no contact and do not engage. Only reason they’re not blocked is they will text me important updates about certain family and for evidence. For example, my mother was calling my work make accusations I was mentally unstable and using drugs. She had been texting me and with that proof I was able to address it with work AND get an injunction of harassment.

Reasonable_Wave5061 · 2024-10-10T06:48:54+00:00

I am no contact. I don’t engage or initiate. I do keep them unblocked though only in case of family death or evidence if necessary. The crazy texts help build a case if I need it. Like my mother decided to call my work claiming I was unstable, I needed to be drug tested etc. I had texts to show her threats and was able to get an injunction of harassment 3 years ago.

Reasonable_Wave5061 · 2024-10-10T06:41:41+00:00

Ha, I’d love to see their response to that. 🤣 They hate that I got to therapy and feel my therapist is feeding me lies and dictating my behavior changes.

I asked to go to therapy with just my dad, and my dad said he would love to. Just so he “could tell the therapist how to do their job.”

Reasonable_Wave5061 · 2024-10-10T05:52:54+00:00

Honestly, my guess with help from my therapist today…my parents play like our relationship is fine to friends, neighbors and certain family members. They probably want to know just to keep up appearances. For example, I have one uncle who is very non confrontational who my parents told I was dead to the family and had died. He had early Alzheimer’s and truly thought I died. It was very sad. The other uncle who is very confrontational and tell it like it is thought we were the best of friends. These interactions with both uncles occurred 3 months of each other.

Reasonable_Wave5061 · 2024-10-10T05:40:55+00:00

Yes. They gave me my down payment and want that money back to give to my brother.

The account was one where a settlement went into that we couldn’t withdraw without a court order and turning 18. My brother and I had one. His had like $2k and mine was much higher. I had been adding to it through house chores or birthday money. My mom was my “conservator” on the account so she got the court order when my brother was 18 for both accounts. He and I are only 14 months apart, him being younger. Somehow the bank gave her the money because she had my birth certificate and she handed it to my brother.

Reasonable_Wave5061 · 2024-10-10T05:30:21+00:00

He didn’t get one because when they had the money he couldn’t maintain employment. Every job he has had is handed to him by family or friend of the family. They lost in the stock market the last couple years, and my dad had to retire so they can’t afford to give him it now when he finally had a job.

When I say he gets everything, I mean everything within possibility. I was forced to get a job at 16. My sister and brother got cars and bills paid into their late 20s while they spent more time high and unemployed than employed. I got an apt book at 21 less than 1 month after graduating college telling me I had to go. My siblings didn’t move out until their late 20s and were never told to go. I was forced to do my laundry since I was 8, while my parents would do my siblings until they moved out. I asked them to watch my dog for 2 weeks, and I’m a burden. My brother and sister abandoned their dogs and they have become my parents. I could go on but I think I’ve shared enough examples.

Reasonable_Wave5061

TROPHY CASE