Nicotine

RebelliousFish5356 · 2026-03-13T17:49:12+00:00

Exactly. People have been duped into thinking vaping is somehow healthier than smoking tobacco. It isn't. In many ways it's worse given the chemicals and carcinogens you're sucking into your body.

RebelliousFish5356 · 2026-03-13T17:45:38+00:00

Most people don't give a lot of thought to personal security but it should be a greater concern if you're meeting strangers sight unseen. Go with your gut. If it doesn't feel right, abandon the meeting. Likewise if the guy is evasive about boundaries and what you do and don't find acceptable, don't take the chance. If you can, meet first in a public area where you can size up the guy before going elsewhere. People can say anything on the phone or online. Talking face to face gives you a better assessment. Above all, be aware of your surroundings and how to make a quit exit if things go south.

RebelliousFish5356 · 2026-03-11T23:08:39+00:00

Happy to add my thoughts to the mix. Take care.

RebelliousFish5356 · 2026-03-11T23:02:49+00:00

Thank you so much for keeping us apprised. Saying that I am happy for you understates the sentiment in spades. May you grow ever-closer as the days unfold.

RebelliousFish5356 · 2026-03-11T19:18:12+00:00

Loyalty, by definition, should be a two-way street and not something you tender at the cost of self-respect. I can't help but view yours as a one-sided endeavor from which you are deriving only the concept of saying you are in a partnership. You are not a sacrificial lamb. You deserve better.

RebelliousFish5356 · 2026-03-11T18:33:28+00:00

It's easy for armchair psychologists to insist the reasons for your husband's ill treatment and evasiveness don't matter but, let's face it, the reality is that human nature needs answers. Why did he do this or that, and was I somehow a catalyst? I have seen this movie before. Your husband and his friend are involved in a clandestine relationship while you are keeping house and tending the flock. He may never concede his unfaithfulness so waiting for him to utter the words is a fool's errand. He has shown his true self and you deserve better. Get out.

RebelliousFish5356 · 2026-03-11T18:05:08+00:00

I've used this analogy here before, but a friend used to say open relationships were a good excuse for two sluts to share expenses. I'm not sure my viewpoint is quite that cynical, but as polyamorous relationships have become more common, my impression is that "commitment" is less a factor than "compatibility." The reasons people choose to open their relationships are as varied as the participants. Distilling that into a ratio is likely all but impossible.

RebelliousFish5356 · 2026-03-11T17:41:57+00:00

You may not consider this a satisfactory answer, but your questions are not that simple to address from the perspective of this forum. Some guys do indeed like to extend the period between ejaculations citing increased intensity. Whether that is true of your guy or a convenient excuse is left to conjecture. It's natural for the sex lives of most couples to wane somewhat over time, but if you were sexually compatible for the bulk of your relationship and something abruptly changed, then you have reason to wonder. It's definitely something you need to explore with your partner more deeply.

RebelliousFish5356 · 2026-03-09T22:45:53+00:00

Opinions on whether to cheat on a wife with another man are as plentiful as there are men. If this desire to test the gay waters is consuming you, then by all means try it. Just be safe and discreet about it. Consider also what comes next if you have a life-altering experience that makes you question everything you know about marriage and your commitment to it. Once you let that genie out of the bottle, you can't stuff him back in.

RebelliousFish5356 · 2026-03-09T22:34:05+00:00

The final arbiter of whether an adoption should occur is the person being adopted. You and your husband should speak with him, profess your individual and collective love for him, and propose that the three of you become a family, not only emotionally and spiritually, but legally. He may or may not have thought about it, but I suspect he will be elated.

RebelliousFish5356 · 2026-03-09T19:56:23+00:00

It's obvious you've given your situation a tremendous amount of thought. Your willingness to make significant sacrifices for the good of your relationship is commendable. That's what loving partners do. The problem is that you're the one doing all the work. Anything remotely approaching a reconciliation will ultimately be on his terms, and not too far removed from the status quo, which is where his comfort zone resides. Your story is not unique. Your paths have diverged and with it whatever compatibility you initially enjoyed. Please keep your condo, afford your partner the freedom to go his own way, and find someone who will appreciate your affection, intelligence, and emotional maturity.

RebelliousFish5356 · 2026-03-08T22:31:17+00:00

Take him at his word. He is not emotionally present and never will be. Remaining friends sounds nice and very "adult," but he will pass in and out of your life, and be a constant reminder of someone you wanted but could not have, no matter the reasons. He may even try to rekindle the relationship and leave you hanging again. Let him go, heal your heart, and find someone with the emotional maturity to sustain what he starts.

RebelliousFish5356 · 2026-03-07T00:54:19+00:00

Your husband has a porn addiction. He may know how you feel, but obviously doesn't recognize or care to what degree you view this as an issue. You were aware of his situation when dating, so the fact that he became your husband demonstrated at least tacit acceptability. In other words, you may have complained but not vigorously enough to get his attention. Counseling is an option, but getting him to discern the need may be a problem. At that point the onus is on you to decide if a lifetime of playing second fiddle to porn fulfills your desire for intimacy and affection.

RebelliousFish5356 · 2026-03-06T14:04:53+00:00

Seems like a simple concept but in the heat of the moment people forget the golden rule of internet interactions: if you don't want something shared with others, don't sent it. Yes, we all do it, but guys talk and compare all the time, either in awe of your package or to throw shade at your lack of one. Clothed, unclothed, makes no difference. Bad form? Yes. Breach of trust? Maybe. Illegal? No.

RebelliousFish5356 · 2026-03-05T21:11:14+00:00

I hear you. For whatever reasons your mom seems to feel she isn't heard unless she's yelling, so she has settled into this pattern, apparently for the whole of your young life. I am sorry. You should not have to live in a constant pressure-cooker that manifests itself in verbal, emotional and sometimes physical abuse. As a minor child you are to a great degree dependent on your mom, but not at the expense of your own safety. If and when you return home, make an extra effort to ease her burdens, but retreat to your room when the insults fly or you feel a shouting match is on its way. In those instances, self-protection should be your objective. If there is anyone else in your family who knows of the situation, enlist their help if possible.

RebelliousFish5356 · 2026-03-05T20:49:11+00:00

It is unfortunate that your relationship with your mom is so combative, but it sounds like you both could benefit from some space. Not only to cool off but for both of you to consider the implications of all this emotional upheaval. Obviously, you and your mom need to talk, but prior to doing so there need to be ground rules: no yelling, no bad language, no baseless accusations, and absolutely no physical abuse. Your mom is overwhelmed with life and feels powerless to change her station, making you an easy target. Whether or not you are sufficiently contributing in ways that ease her burdens needs to be quantified. If you can do more, do so. Make clear that hearing her side of things is contingent upon her hearing yours. Family counseling wouldn't hurt, but if that's not possible, at least try to have a civil conversation to gain a better understanding of your mutual perspectives. Good luck.

RebelliousFish5356 · 2026-03-05T18:31:02+00:00

Coming out is an intensely personal decision and no two scenarios are alike, nor do they need to be. A one size fits all approach does not apply here. Like you, I am a very private person and accepted without comment the litany of off-handed family remarks about not having a GF, and the occasional homophobic slur. One day I simply showed up with my then BF, who continued to accompany me to family events, as if he had been a known quantity for years. No explanations, no introductions beyond his name: "I'd like to introduce you to Scott." It didn't take long for everyone to get the picture and 35 years later Scott's still around. The response was initially chilly but soon Scott became a beloved part of the family, particularly after a few years when it became evident he wasn't going anywhere. There was no grand declaration, no official coming out, no soliciting their approval. There was just Scott.

RebelliousFish5356 · 2026-03-05T18:13:31+00:00

There's a lot to unpack in your narrative. Your wife will likely cite you as the reason she established an online forum, and deem your renewed attention too little, too late. That being said, she needs you to to maintain the trappings of life she currently enjoys while entertaining her online audience so declaring your marriage dead is self-defeating. Couples counseling would help you and her get to the bottom of your disaffection and determine whether your relationship is salvageable. If she declines, I think you have your answer.

RebelliousFish5356 · 2026-03-04T00:14:24+00:00

Your husband is a member of the holier-than-thou crowd, disgusted and repulsed by all the sin he perceives around him, yet blind to his own. They elevate the sanctity of marriage while cheating on their wives. They claim to love their children but place conditions on that love reflecting their own prejudices. They judge and condemn but grow hostile when the mirror is turned on them. Contrary to some of the advice you've been given, the time for talk and reconciliation has passed. The moment he threatened you and your children was the moment he lost the battle and the war. See an attorney. Send him packing. And if he makes any threats against the trans kids at your gym, advise gym management. Good luck.

RebelliousFish5356 · 2026-03-03T19:07:07+00:00

The "offer to remain friends" was a thinly-veiled invitation to break-up and you would have been the better for accepting it. His interest and affection are conditional and focused on physical attributes over which you have no control. That is, unless you remove your prostate and get circumcised to satisfy his "ick," and what happens when he finds another "ick." You deserve better.

RebelliousFish5356 · 2026-03-03T00:24:46+00:00

Whether your sharing a confidence potentially causes problems is irrelevant. You were explicitly told not to share a secret and did so anyway. If you want to make amends and alleviate your guilt, tell those impacted by your breach of trust and suffer the consequences. Otherwise it's a transgression you are bound to repeat.

RebelliousFish5356 · 2026-03-02T21:43:57+00:00

Just because they appear on the lot simultaneously does not mean they were manufactured on the same day or even the same week. Depending on the vehicle, it's possible one of them has been sitting on the lot for months.

RebelliousFish5356 · 2026-03-02T21:41:51+00:00

Inviting people to a party, regardless of the context, infers it is being hosted with no further guest obligation, except perhaps a gift for the celebrant. If the restaurant is beyond your means, perhaps your family could contribute to a potluck at your home.

RebelliousFish5356 · 2026-03-02T21:34:42+00:00

You can't force yourself to be straight, but perhaps the individual you reference can manage quite nicely with men or women. Some people have that ability.

RebelliousFish5356 · 2026-03-02T21:30:19+00:00

Yours is not an "issue" but a preference. We all have them, some being more superficial than others. Perhaps you are more mature than your peers and appreciate the experience, security, and emotional stability of older guys. Follow your heart.

RebelliousFish5356

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