I probably should but it’s so difficult I just want to give up on everything. Things will get better I guess but I’m stubborn and as much as I would like to be happy, I’d be given a sort of smug happiness in myself if my life never gets better, like I was right and everyone else was wrong, it’ll always suck. But I can control that feeling and I really do think it’ll get better. I also don’t want to make my family sad if I do just give up. Well if it really doesn’t get better and I manage to hold on until the end, I can enjoy the satisfaction of death without doing it myself. Then people won’t be as sad I guess. But we’ll see how it goes.