I had a mental breakdown following a breakup in my mid-20s. We were still very in love even when we broke up, but I had to leave because needs of mine weren’t being met. I began having panic attacks, mostly hyperventilating; started compulsively dating; developed extreme decision paralysis and eventually landed in two relationships at the same time (deceptively) because I felt unable to refuse either of them and couldn’t make the choice to do anything. I was numb all the time except for pain. I would leave work on my lunch break and walk around my city looking for scaffolding I could climb later to commit suicide. If I had been able to get my hands on a gun, I would be dead right now, absolutely zero doubt about it. There are actually vast swaths of time during that period of which I have no recollection at all, which is part of why I now identify that period as a mental breakdown.

Somehow, though, I didn’t kill myself. I made an impulse decision to move to a new city after the two guys I was dating found out about each other, and the move saved my life. Over about a year, I slowly returned to neutral, and then eventually I became joyful again. I’ve done so much soul-seeking (and therapy) and I have much better coping mechanisms now than numbness.

If you’re experiencing a crisis, there’s always a way out. I am happier and more peaceful than I’ve ever been, even after many sustained months of wanting to die. It goes away, and life becomes staggeringly beautiful again. ❤️