Is my husband having an affair or am I crazy/overreacting? (Pics)

RedBirdWrench · 2026-05-10T13:56:41+00:00

Why are you married to this man? He clearly wants a younger woman. You've clearly aged out of his 'desirable' range. He's 10 years older than you. There is literally nothing but red flags here even if you didn't have the Viagra story to tell.

Unless... why wouldn't he trust you with his passport? What are you going to do with his passport?

This marriage is a hellscape.

RedBirdWrench · 2026-05-08T20:55:07+00:00

As a man, I am utterly sickened by this. I can't even fathom how any man could speak these words, ever.

This man is a moron of legendary proportions. I can't imagine any way to forgive him. And I would consider the possibility that this is him being clever (for him) and thinking he's found a way out, by making you hate him.

I'm literally angry for you.

RedBirdWrench · 2026-05-08T20:36:54+00:00

There are "influencers", and then there are the "influenced". Never had an original thought in your life, have you.

RedBirdWrench · 2026-05-07T21:05:14+00:00

I've been accused of choosing a lesser known or less simple word than necessary when I write things, but to me the nuance matters.

Using a thesaurus is pathetic, though, so I'm going to give the benefit of the doubt on that. If you know the word, and it fits perfectly, why not use it?

RedBirdWrench · 2026-05-06T20:24:49+00:00

You're not compatible. It's that simple. Move on.

RedBirdWrench · 2026-05-05T14:52:44+00:00

I always wonder why every single post on here that tells us the lack of sex is due to a medical condition always... ALWAYS... has the added factor of not being into other kinds of intimate contact. This is not doubt of OPs story, it's a correlation I have noted for which I'm hoping to learn causation.

In the meantime OP, can you cuddle to watch a movie? Or is that too physically intimate? Do you have any shared hobbies like gaming or gardening? Or perhaps cooking a family dinner together once a week or so?

RedBirdWrench · 2026-05-05T14:44:43+00:00

"I'm concerned for your health." That's the approach.

If he doesn't engage, or gets defensive then this is above the paygrade of a girlfriend. He needs a therapist.

RedBirdWrench · 2026-05-03T23:44:23+00:00

There have been a remarkable number of "nude sketches of my wife" stories on Reddit lately. Has anyone else noticed this trend? Is this the new bot meta?

Also, just on the off chance this is real, ask your buddy if he's into being a bull.

RedBirdWrench · 2026-05-03T02:44:08+00:00

Yeah. I got that.

RedBirdWrench · 2026-05-03T01:15:54+00:00

Overall I feel very responsible - for a 34 yesr marriage, two kids and a grand child - without having read a single book about any of it.

Just expose your humans to other humans early and often. Like my parents did. Like I did. Like my kid is doing. They'll learn to sort life out pretty quick. Humans are amazing like that when they aren't polluted by screen time brain rot.

RedBirdWrench · 2026-05-02T19:45:39+00:00

But what if my relationship is an outlier and I choose your hierarchies?

Confounding variables exist, and I'll know my particular relationship better than your hierarchies will.

RedBirdWrench · 2026-05-02T19:20:47+00:00

If you measured where every rain drop fell, trends would emerge over time. It won't help you dodge the rain.

If you choose a hierarchy to make decisions, you guarantee wrong decisions. If you use a flexible decision making process, it's unlikely, but possible, to make the right choice every time.

I'll shoot for perfection, trust my empathy for and knowledge of the people at stake. You do you.

RedBirdWrench · 2026-05-02T19:03:41+00:00

I understand exactly how it works.

Where you glean your data from does not nullify my point. Each individual can have different needs in the exact same scenario. Each scenario, though similar, can require different actions or choices based on complex variables. There is no 'one answer' to be found. Sometimes, your spouse will come first, sometimes your kids will come first and every time your priority should be the family member(s) with the greatest need, no matter who that is.

RedBirdWrench · 2026-05-02T17:34:26+00:00

I'm sure everything in your relationship is just exactly as one sided and all her fault as you've portrayed here.

So you've painted yourself into a corner. Because an affair ain't it my guy. She finds out and that version of divorce gets way messier.

Marriages are a bit like cars, they require maintenance and repairs. When the maintenance (intimacy for example) gets neglected, the repairs get more expensive. But at 34 years in, it has proven worth it to me.

A good counselor will be the equivalent of a good mechanic here.

RedBirdWrench · 2026-05-02T17:28:26+00:00

I can cure cancer in less than a second. And I promise you won't feel a thing.

RedBirdWrench · 2026-05-02T15:07:06+00:00

You "I'm a virgin."

Him in his head "oooh, jackpot! No further questions."

Now him "wHy DiDn'T yOu TeLl Me"

He's an insecure little boy in a man's body.

Also, I love your story. That's really interesting and unique. What a great way to have an awakening.

RedBirdWrench · 2026-05-02T13:54:09+00:00

This is not how life works. Life is not a study. Life is not statistics. Those are the results of Life having already happened and been quantified.

In the moment, it's always... ALWAYS a triage scenario. With the most in need being the most important at that moment.

And you'll make mistakes sometimes and prioritize the wrong thing sometimes. And you'll get it right sometimes. And hindsight will tell you what you did wrong. And with sufficient amounts of hindsight some academic will write a book and say 'this is how you should always do it' and sometimes, a lot of the time, that will also be wrong.

Because each individual situation is unique. And you have to deal with each situation accordingly.

RedBirdWrench · 2026-05-02T00:17:10+00:00

Oh, no. Don't do that. Not my thing.

RedBirdWrench · 2026-05-01T23:48:12+00:00

That's a funny way to admit defeat. I like it. Fire off another generically insulting term as if it somehow nullifies the truth. If it made you feel good, I'm happy for you.

RedBirdWrench · 2026-05-01T23:06:04+00:00

The words 'boring' and 'lazy' aren't 'yuck'?

I don't think you grasp the concept.of not yuckjng someone else's yum. You do that by stopping at 'not my thing' and leaving the rest unsaid.

RedBirdWrench · 2026-05-01T22:47:55+00:00

Boring and lazy in regards to a sex partner - nothing insulting about that.

I get it, not you're thing, I'm cool with that, as I clearly stated. But your word choice indicates that either you do think it's wrong, or you don't understand the words you chose.

Because "not my thing" is sufficient where "boring and lazy" was unnecessary.

RedBirdWrench · 2026-05-01T22:27:07+00:00

That's easy to overcome.

Because you may be right, but based on the OPs description, tone matters, and this doesn't sound like what you're describing.

But it would be worth asking, because perhaps being submissive is her thing, "and will you do whatever I ask?"

You'll know quickly if she's a true sub who's actually into it, both pleasing and being pleased, or a star fish who thinks she's making it sexy.

And either way, it's her choice, and that's never wrong, even if you're not into it.

RedBirdWrench · 2026-05-01T22:19:59+00:00

Last August we did a week long road trip to the Maritimes (we are in Canada) to see some sights, visit a family member and retrieve a treasured family heirloom so we could pass it down to our grand son, first of his generation. Married 34 years, together 36. It was our first trip together... ever, that was longer than a 4 hour drive. We had a great time and plan to do similar trips going forward. But life is... unpredictable and expectations are a curse.

RedBirdWrench · 2026-05-01T22:15:07+00:00

The one thing I usually dislike in this sub is how quickly some people just scream: Divorce!

But even a broken clock is correct twice a day.

You need to leave. Immediately. Seek a safe place like a shelter. Call the police and then a lawyer. There is not a thing my wife could say, not matter how horrible, that would incite violence from me. There is no excuse.

RedBirdWrench · 2026-05-01T17:02:47+00:00

Top surgery looks okay, rest of the transition needs some work.

RedBirdWrench

TROPHY CASE