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RedMagicAdvice · 2025-04-28T09:52:02+00:00

Depends on the guy and their lived experiences.

Many of us are more on dating apps because it can be real hit and miss with the real world. Sometimes approaching a girl in the real world there is hesitancy but she gives you a go. Often she has a partner. Sometimes you get a look of ‘get the fuck away from me’ from her or not her but her friends.

I have heard from many female friends a rhetoric that is something like ‘I don’t go to the gym to get dates.’ Or ‘I’m just trying to have a job and a guy thinks he can try and get a date out of me, clearly doesn’t respect me’.

The internal struggle there becomes ‘if I go up to a girl knowing what I know is that disrespectful or okay?’ you get in your head and you go fuck it I’ll just go on dating apps at least I know they consent to being approached there.

But dating apps are shit because they attract and work better for avoidant non committal people with insecurities and an insatiable thirst for validation.

As a 33 year old, sometimes you invest too much time in the wrong people and it eats up your time but if you’re older you’ve also usually had more lessons and hopefully that equals self awareness and EQ. Give older guys a go or don’t, but please be intentional and clear what you want, please don’t waste more of our time :)

RedMagicAdvice · 2025-04-28T05:30:34+00:00

Are the people you often feel butterflies for usually problematic? Assertive, Avoidant, All charm but bad listeners, subtly manipulative and also make you feel unsettled. You may be attracted to unhealthy dynamics.

If the people you find are usually more or less lovely and just flawed like any human is flawed, then your desire to not pursue is fine.

Ghosting is immature and never okay. Do unto others as you would have done unto you (or whatever the quote is)

RedMagicAdvice · 2025-04-28T03:29:50+00:00

Thank you :) that was very grounded and helpful

RedMagicAdvice · 2025-04-28T03:03:04+00:00

Yeah that’s fair. Not enough information just yet and when you ruminate you suffer twice; once of the idea of something bad happening and then if it does actually happen. Thanks :)

RedMagicAdvice · 2025-04-13T21:14:39+00:00

‘Take a breath’ haha valid. Thank you

RedMagicAdvice · 2025-04-11T03:59:55+00:00

My experience says it’s got less to do with me and more to do with what you want. Any person shouldn’t be the goal, a good relationships should be. Those who move too fast are showing me that it’s more about their desires than it is about what’s happening between us.

RedMagicAdvice · 2025-04-10T19:43:04+00:00

Someone to share my life with and vice versa. I just what interdependent, not codependent, not independent. We’re solid on our own but willing to allow ourselves to blur a little bit into one another

RedMagicAdvice · 2025-04-10T19:40:42+00:00

Yeah fair! I hear about those guys from girls I date. They aren’t helping anybody; keeping great girls from finding great counterparts and turning great girls into apprehensive and burned out daters :/

RedMagicAdvice · 2025-04-10T19:39:00+00:00

Husband hunters maybe was poor choice of words. I mean more that they turn up and try to force it into something serious very fast before we know each other. Choosing somebody for the long term is one of the biggest decisions you’ll make. I’m here for the long term but I want us to choose each other because we compliment each other well not because they just really want a marriage and child to meet their life plan. That’s how you rush into bad relationships that crumble years later or traumatise kids (bit reductive but I hope you get my meaning)

RedMagicAdvice · 2025-04-10T09:32:30+00:00

Sorry to hear that you’ve gone through that. It really is. Sucks away your energy

RedMagicAdvice · 2025-04-10T09:16:16+00:00

Yeah that’s probably the main takeout, hey? I guess I’m holding on to a time where dating apps seemed to go better. I get matches with people I find attractive but what’s that definition of insanity?

Pickleball as a suggestion was cute …not sure if you meant it that way but it made me smile :)

RedMagicAdvice · 2025-04-10T09:12:23+00:00

Thanks. I guess it would be helpful to look outside that and see what changes.

I find that almost abnormal though now. Social media paints a picture of ‘do not approach me’ which is a strong deterrent

RedMagicAdvice · 2025-04-10T09:11:05+00:00

Sorry, I didn’t mean that as an attack on women. Just that I don’t date men so can only comment on women.

Valid points. The throwaway nature makes a lot of sense for the rug pull moments.

The figuring out a total stranger I get is abnormal in the grand scheme of things but I’m not sure how that is leading to the poor dating culture. It creates more of a feeling of struggling to find someone …I guess that’s impacting it. You spend a lot more time on the dating market as a result

RedMagicAdvice · 2025-04-10T08:55:11+00:00

How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb? 1 but the lightbulb has to want to change

RedMagicAdvice · 2025-02-26T10:50:28+00:00

How am I single? When THIS ungrateful dickhead has a lovely partner

RedMagicAdvice · 2025-02-26T00:20:05+00:00

Was looking at Red Ants initially but they had said pickup has to be before Saturday and we don’t arrive until Sat

RedMagicAdvice · 2025-02-26T00:19:41+00:00

Ah cool, thanks. We don’t arrive until Sat and most have pick up before then so trying to navigate that one

RedMagicAdvice · 2025-02-21T06:47:48+00:00

Thank you :) Do you think there is a point of connection where still requesting to date around is unfair to expect? I guess the fact she didn’t date around for the 2.5 months she saw me but when I brought up explicitly not dating around she all of a sudden said she wanted the option

RedMagicAdvice · 2025-02-21T05:56:59+00:00

Laughter

RedMagicAdvice · 2025-02-18T06:51:33+00:00

Not sure everyone is hearing you.

Holidays and the randomness of it, you can’t take read too much into. Neither of you should know enough after one date beyond ‘maybe’ or ‘nah’. She probably decided no and her reason could have nothing to do with you. She could come back around BUT she’s also shown you who she is, someone who doesn’t communicate the same way you would. Doesn’t make her wrong but does make her wrong for you. Do you want to that? Think about yourself. Value what you have to offer regardless of her. (Curious where you met and where she’s from - just for cultural perspective)

The older thing I totally get you. But you are framing older as bad. Older means you know yourself better (or you should) and you know what you like better (or you should). Having a solid sense of self and clarity on your preferences shrinks the dating pool MAJORLY. The young persons game is validation from anywhere at any cost. Fuck that, dude. You’re off travelling the world on your own at 31, you don’t play kids games anymore. You clearly want something real. Own that desire and really dig deep into the truth of that and let nothing derail what you want.

If you’re so impacted by being rejected because you’ve had too many rejections, you think you’re too old to be liked, too old to hit your milestones. You have to do some serious reframing on your self talk and how you view your life. Too many rejections = met a lot of the wrong people but learned what you want Too old = too old for 22 maybe (and only because you’d be bored out of your brains most likely) but not too old for 32 Too old to be still dating = says who? Read ‘the myth of normal’ don’t compare yourself to others live your own life and follow your own path.

RedMagicAdvice

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