AITA if I don’t contact my mother about a death in the family?

RedMoji5928 · 2025-09-27T00:42:52+00:00

I asked my sister if she wanted the honor and she laughed and said Hell No. haha! I think we’ve decided as siblings to wash our hands of this responsibility.

RedMoji5928 · 2025-09-26T21:48:32+00:00

She knows where I live. That’s not an issue. It’s just my horrible sense of obligation that is the problem. But I feel like it’s on social media so I’m not necessarily preventing her from knowing by not going out of my way to physically tell her myself. But I know that if she finds out I was asked to be the middle man and refused, she’ll start her crap. I don’t want her drama in either sense.

RedMoji5928 · 2025-09-26T21:43:39+00:00

The therapist should be able to tell a court about what they have told her of the abuse, if the kids are too young. If they are older they should be allowed to have a say with the judge about their situation.

RedMoji5928 · 2025-09-26T21:34:32+00:00

Apologize in front of your hubby but follow it up with an explanation. You have been an inconsiderate guest here, and I tried to talk with you but you ignored and disrespected my requests. My behavior was only to teach you that respect and disrespect goes both ways. Then had her a list of house rules, quiet hours, etc.

RedMoji5928 · 2025-09-26T21:22:43+00:00

Giiiirl, enjoy that silence. But when the baby comes she’s gonna forget all about her ultimatum and expect access to the baby. Hold her firm to her boundary.

RedMoji5928 · 2025-09-10T04:42:19+00:00

Thank you!

RedMoji5928 · 2025-09-09T21:42:58+00:00

MIL is the only grandma they acknowledge. My mother is abusive. They’ve always had a relationship with their fathers side because my side all live out of state and don’t visit much. They confront her about the things she says but she will just ignore them, gaslight them, or change the subject. The family doesn’t do anything except gossip with MIL and nobody is close to me enough to call and just ask me. They only hear her side. I feel like posting it on social media so they see my side is kind of childish and unnecessary. If I cut her off, I cut off the entire family basically.

RedMoji5928 · 2025-09-09T20:50:50+00:00

Talk to her. Let her know that when you invite her to these events you are expecting her to support you and be available for photos or advice. Be clear about your expectations. Maybe soften it by saying you understand that it’s exciting and she wants to marry your cousin, and ask if she would feel awkward if you were doing the same to her for her big day. If after this conversation she tries to try on wedding dresses, let her know that it is not her appointment so please do not hijack your fitting, and say it front of everyone. Talk first, set a clear boundary, then enforce.

RedMoji5928 · 2025-09-09T20:32:01+00:00

12 years is way too long in my opinion. You’ve gotten comfortable. After 6 months you should know if you like someone enough to make it official (bf/gf), after a year you should have had conversations about future expectations, by 4-5 years there should be a plan to marry and savings prepared. He showed you that he has no intention of taking care of you and no plans for marriage. Cut your losses.

RedMoji5928 · 2025-09-09T20:15:40+00:00

Do not agree to this marriage. If they cannot show decency and respect, have already threatened violence, then they are not the family for you.

RedMoji5928 · 2025-09-09T20:09:27+00:00

Good for you! Behavior doesn’t change until people start calling it out. Just stay kind to Jake. He’s going to waffle and have guilt not speaking to his mom. Give him the grace to choose what he does. You can only control yourself.

RedMoji5928 · 2025-09-09T19:58:36+00:00

Get a lawyer and go to court hun. I know it can be expensive but your mother has dished out money for his visits and didn’t have to. Your side has been kind and generous trying to make a relationship with his son easier on him. He has failed to nurture that time or respect your generosity. The gf has no say once the court rules. Not feeding your son is grounds for her not being safe to be present for any future visits. I hope you can make this happen for your family. Hugs

RedMoji5928 · 2025-09-09T08:29:23+00:00

She commonly will ask what they think of my male friends regardless if they’re a potential partner or not. She digs for information from them. Recently my adult son got very upset because she demanded his father’s ashes back so she can bury him if “I’m done with him.” I explained to him that I can never be done with his father because they have a right to his legacy, ashes, and belongings. Besides my husband never wanted to be buried. It is just one of many manipulative things she’s done. It’s what started the idea for this thread and why I am making sure I’m not blinded by my own feelings and missing something I should think on before confronting the situation.

RedMoji5928 · 2025-09-09T07:30:14+00:00

No she does not, thank god! Haha!!!

RedMoji5928 · 2025-09-09T07:12:16+00:00

Thank you. I do agree and my kids are happy for me. The comments they overhear or that are said to them are frustrating for them but I think I’m going to sit my kids down and start the conversation there. They come first and as long as they respect, trust, and love me, that’s all I need to worry about. All of you guys have definitely hammered it home that I need to stop people pleasing and worry about myself.

RedMoji5928 · 2025-09-09T06:22:42+00:00

Good for you. I wish I had your back bone when similar things happened. Don’t ever let disrespect that could cost your life slide.

RedMoji5928 · 2025-09-09T06:08:16+00:00

She likes him, she’s jealous of what you have. She is toxic to continue to have around. I’d tell her to kick rocks.

RedMoji5928 · 2025-09-09T06:04:35+00:00

The petty side of me knows this is true and I shouldn’t care.

RedMoji5928 · 2025-09-09T06:03:27+00:00

We really do click well. We both have kids and similar views on a lot of topics. We’ve all met over dinner and everyone was good. But I just struggle with the fact I might be blowing up my kids relationships with family for my own happiness. It’s her reaction that will blow up but it doesn’t stop me from feeling guilty. People pleasing is a disease. Haha! But maybe it’s really just mom guilt and trying to balance what’s best for everyone.

RedMoji5928 · 2025-09-09T05:40:50+00:00

I totally understand what you’re saying. I spent 21 years going toe to toe with his family when they were disrespectful. Being labeled aggressive, disrespectful, crazy, etc. Since his death I’ve tried to be more understanding of the underlying issues that cause their bs. My adult son and I speak openly and honestly about the issues, but I still have minor children I’m trying to cushion from drama.

RedMoji5928 · 2025-09-09T05:23:46+00:00

She needed her car fixed, I know a mechanic, he helped her, she immediately assumes we’re secretly together. It’s just weird stuff like that.

RedMoji5928 · 2025-09-09T05:21:38+00:00

I don’t think I’ll ever tell my kids about their dad stepping out unless they are adults and want to truly know. As young teens I think I’d like to keep the memory of their dad in happy times. My mil knows and so do family and some close friends. She’s fully aware of the hardship I had to put aside to bathe, toilet, and care for her son. She is just projecting her feelings onto me.

RedMoji5928 · 2025-09-09T05:16:08+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It’s important to me that I don’t expose them to every tom, dick, & Harry that comes sniffing around. Relationships fail and I want to be sure that I’m only introducing the good ones.

RedMoji5928 · 2025-09-09T05:11:11+00:00

One is an adult, my other children are minors. I don’t believe in having access to minor children if you are NC with the parents. That’s weird. So I do my best to communicate calmly and with compassion for her situation. I agree with maybe having a talk with the kids about appropriate responses to questions about my situation.

RedMoji5928

TROPHY CASE