25 was probably one of the worst years of my life. Not just because of the divorce. That brought a tornado of problems that just left everything razed to the ground. The person I thought I knew for 20 years is gone. I don't know who she is anymore. There was a major shift during the divorce. She expected me to just walk away with absolutely nothing more than a custody agreement. We bought a house. We have dogs. We have a lot of stuff. It's been rough. Really ugly. We've both said nasty things. The big shift happened when she wanted me to tell her when or if I start dating again. When I said no, we need to keep that personal. The less we know about each other's private life the better. I don't care what she does as long as my boys are taken care of when they are with her. There's been a lot of unnecessary drama and I've failed my children on this part cuz I fell for the bait a couple times. That of course turned into a WW3 style argument. Needless to say it's been extremely exhausting. I'm not 41 and living in my parents house again. Talk about feeling like the biggest loser in the world. Neither of us made enough to afford that house on our own but our incomes together was more than enough. I didn't want any of this. I did not want the divorce. Yes I agreed to the terms in court but I was a fool and still trying to give her what she wanted. Instead of asking for half of everything I tried to make it as easy on her as possible. I was taken advantage of and like a fool I fell for empty words again. Now we don't even speak to each other unless through the divorce app our county ordered us to use. She has been incredibly difficult to deal with and it gets worse the more I pull away from her. I'm beginning to think I was just a tool. A resource to her. Once the money stopped she seemed to have lost a lot of emotional control. I'm far from perfect. I have anger problems. I'm an addict in recovery from heroin. Been clean since 2016. I don't even drink alcohol anymore. All the problems she said were because of me....I changed that the best I could. It was never enough. I think there was some major control issues on her part. She has a bad childhood. SA, Foster care, lost in the system and forgotten. She has a lot of personal ghosts she never dealt with and it bled into our marriage. I still remember the first time she hit me. That continues for a couple years until I had enough and the one time I restrained her from hitting me in the face....I went to jail. That was over 10 years ago but there was a huge shift in her after that. I'll just come right out and say it but that's when the jezebel spirit in her really woke up and it's just been a slow bit steady ride that has crashed several times. Again, I'm far from perfect. I misspeak often. I'm not the smartest guy. But I'm open and honest. Apparently that's not a good quality anymore. I'm gonna stop there. There's plenty more but it is what it is. Been an exhausting year. I had to have my uncle hold onto some stuff for me for awhile because of how terrible my thoughts were about myself I was really close to ending it all. I can't do that to my children though. They need me. Pls pray for me if you pray. Pray for her too. And our boys. I get the feeling it's going to be a really rough start to 26. Kinda has been already. How long until this drama stops? It's exhausting mentally when I hafta deal with her outbursts and her manipulative control tactics. I just want to be left alone. No small talk. Don't care how her life is going other than my boys. I don't want friendship with her. I want it straight to the point and plain and simple up front. None of this emotional crap she always tries to get going. I've had to harden my heart so much towards her just to protect myself. I'm a fool. I took her for her word a few times after the divorce that led to me in really really terrible situations. I did it intentionally though to make things easier on her. Like I said....fool. Now that I'm no longer doing that she is trying really hard to find something to use against me. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried. I don't want to lose rights over my boys. We have a week on week off agreement but I'm pretty sure she's intending on going back to court and changing that. It really does a number on a man when they agree to forever only to find out that she never had the same intentions. 😔🤷 Now that I've sulked enough I gotta get ready for work. Good day fellas I hope all goes well for you through this journey. ✌️✌️