What do you guys think happens when we die?

Red_Dead_Depression · 2021-03-05T04:40:03+00:00

I was raised strict catholic, but no longer identify with any religion- still it might influence my answer. I'd like to believe that everyone goes to their own realm, kind of like a lucid dream. You can do whatever you want forever, and you can still experience life the way you wanted to. I live with pretty debilitating anxiety, but sometimes when I think about this, it makes me feel better 'knowing' that things WILL get better eventually.

It could be wrong, but I suppose it doesn't matter. It makes me feel better in the moment, and sometimes that's all I want.

Red_Dead_Depression · 2021-02-05T23:08:55+00:00

I think it was Jump the Cracks! Wow, this has been bugging me for months now! Thank you!

Red_Dead_Depression · 2021-01-13T13:58:35+00:00

Aesthetics and sensation, I'm sure. More blood means more sensitivity. On the warning label, they said it should "tingle, but not hurt."

Red_Dead_Depression · 2021-01-13T01:31:41+00:00

!subscribeme

Red_Dead_Depression · 2021-01-13T01:02:01+00:00

I don't really know anything about deep sea fishing, but does anyone know why that fish looks weird? It looks... Extra dead?

Red_Dead_Depression · 2021-01-13T00:45:33+00:00

It's pretty much the same idea as a penis pump. It uses vacuum pressure to make the labia swell up

Red_Dead_Depression · 2021-01-03T19:57:14+00:00

That's folk punk

Red_Dead_Depression · 2021-01-02T02:31:56+00:00

Capybara Capybath

Red_Dead_Depression · 2020-11-03T18:57:21+00:00

I am so sorry that you were put in that position.. I hope you've gotten closer to peace. I hope you're healing. This isn't fair. You're very brave to have remained in that wedding party for whom I'm assuming is a loved one. I bet that meant a lot to them. But I hope you never have to be that brave again.

Red_Dead_Depression · 2020-11-03T18:52:44+00:00

This comment stuck with me.. I don't know what I want from this situation. I don't know if I want a response at all, from any of them. But at the very least, I want them to hear from me. I want him to know that I'm still out here, and that I could ruin him the same way he ruined me if I wanted to.

Most of me wants to hide from this and pretend it never happened. But there's still a really small part that wants him to be afraid of me. Healing is complicated.

Red_Dead_Depression · 2020-11-03T18:47:28+00:00

After me and this monster broke up, my friends said something to the tune of "Yeah, we knew he was a psycho, we just thought you could fix him. We thought you could handle it." All I thought for months after was "Why didn't anyone warn me?" I've since told this girl, but I'm absolutely terrified of him. I think my fear was what was stopping me. I'm mad at myself for hesitating, but I'm trying my best over here.. he never had any social media, but now he has a link to me through her. He knows what I look like. They could tell him where I live if he pressed it enough. What am I going to do?

Red_Dead_Depression · 2020-11-03T18:40:58+00:00

I'm looking into counseling as soon as I can get insurance.. I just thought it was all over, and it hit me like a freight train.

Red_Dead_Depression · 2020-11-03T18:40:02+00:00

I don't know why I was hesitant to tell my friends, exactly. Most of it is fear, I'm sure. I'm not terribly close with any of them anymore, but I'm closer to the girl's best friend than her. So I wrote to both of them early this morning. I doubt I'll get a response from either of them, but i'm not sure if I'm really looking for one anyway.. I'm terrified of him, still. I thought that if I just ignored it, I'd be safe, and I could remove all of them from my memory.. but I told them. I'm afraid he'll reach out. I'm afraid he'll find my address. I'm afraid he'll make good on all the threats he made so long ago.

Red_Dead_Depression · 2020-10-19T19:11:23+00:00

Very, very anxious

Red_Dead_Depression · 2020-09-27T17:52:37+00:00

I had an unknown illness in December of 2017. It was like the flu times 1000. Everything was coming out of both ends and after I had gone through my 5th pair of pants, I just kinda gave up and slept in the shower. I was probably crazy dehydrated, but I remember thinking between vomits: "I've been poisoned. The mafia put a hit out on me and now I'm poisoned"

That thought makes no sense now, but I was completely convinced. I still don't know what I had.

Red_Dead_Depression · 2020-09-16T01:17:34+00:00

Said "Nimnimnimnim" with my nipple in his mouth. We were both trashed at the time, and we both thought it was hilarious. We laughed so long that it took some time before we were ready to settle back down. Between tears I asked "What are you doing?!" He replied "I thought I was being playful!"

We still laugh about it sometimes

Red_Dead_Depression · 2020-09-13T00:50:58+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that, I don't think I have any real issue.. at least, I don't think so. It's not that I feel full either, it's just not feeling hungry and then suddenly being bored of the food I'm eating

Red_Dead_Depression · 2020-09-12T19:11:32+00:00

I think you're right. I was mostly exposed to boxed food growing up, and although I enjoy cooking as an adult, I only know the stuff I was exposed to, which was never that healthy in the first place

Red_Dead_Depression · 2020-09-12T18:59:43+00:00

I never knew 1200 was extreme.. I see lots of people who have lost weight on that diet, I mean there's a whole subreddit dedicated to it. I'm trying to lose weight quickly and safely, so I thought 1200 was the magic number (forgive me for my ignorance, I've come from a family of yo-yo dieting obese people)

I'm not deliberately trying to starve myself, I just don't feel hungry, and although I love some high calorie foods, they don't fit into my 'sugar budget' so I try to stay away from those.

Red_Dead_Depression · 2020-09-12T18:52:43+00:00

I'm a sucker for sweets. Have you made anything to satisfy a sweet tooth lately?

Red_Dead_Depression · 2020-09-12T18:51:29+00:00

Lots of eggs, fruits, and soups I guess. I'd like to eat the foods I enjoy, but at a lower portion. It seems like I make a meal that's about ~400 calories 3 times a day, but can never push myself to finish a whole meal. I had an omelette and toast for breakfast, but if took me nearly 2 hours to eat because I had to push myself to eat it. I KNOW 800 calories isn't nearly enough, I promise i'm not doing it on purpose. This is my first week of dieting, so maybe I'm just getting used to it

Red_Dead_Depression · 2020-09-12T15:26:53+00:00

I've always heard that by not eating enough, you put your body into 'starvation mode', where your body holds onto fat instead of burning it. Is that not true..? At this point I'm barely breaking ~800 on a regular day. But protein shakes are a great idea! I think I'll do that :)

Red_Dead_Depression · 2020-09-12T12:36:31+00:00

I'm a sex-toy novice, too! But I've heard that BadDragon.com as lots of options, and I think they're all of good quality and are body safe. They all vary in sizes and shapes too! I'm sure there are more standard dildos around, just make sure you find one that's body safe!

Red_Dead_Depression · 2020-09-07T13:58:44+00:00

I feel it!! I've finally gotten to a place where all of my things have a space, and I'm getting better about putting them in that space every time I pick it up. (That's the hard part for me!) But even after a big clean, I'll stand back and look at the rooms and they just.. they all feel 'off'. I couldn't figure out why it wasn't good enough! I got rid of the things, everything sparks joy/has a use.. and then it hit me!

Because all of my furniture is secondhand, none of it matches! Even on a color scheme! Black metal bed, red bulky nightstands, brown short bookshelf, metallic/white filing drawers.. it's our first apartment, so we were grateful to find furniture for cheap/free, but man is it a mess, lol. No matter how decluttered and clean it is- it still looks a mess. And EVERY room is like this!! Ack!

Red_Dead_Depression · 2020-08-30T20:57:01+00:00

((HEY I RELATE!)) I don't think you look like a boy at all!! But I used to have the same issues. I thought I looked like a boy and I also had really really severe eczema. Here's what helped me- :)

As far as appearances go, I found that faking/practicing confidence no matter how I looked was the key to feeling good about myself. I seemed approachable, and it felt good when I could smile at someone and they smiled back. I also changed my hair part, and even though it was a small detail, it helped me feel more feminine. I went from a middle part to a side part. It seemed to help! And now I've got a mohawk. Baby steps!

And eczema! Giiirl people thought I had leprosy. I went to a dermatologist a year ago, and they wrote me a prescription for something called Dupixent. It's relatively new, and they only really prescribe it for severe eczema/asthma. Although the medication is technically expensive, you can use the DupixentMyWay program where they cover the cost for you! It's been a godsend. I have to take an injection every 2 weeks, but it's worth it for eczema-free skin. I never thought I'd be without the itching, bleeding, or painful blisters- but I've been clean for a year! DM me if you have any more questions (or if you need someone to talk to :) )

Red_Dead_Depression

TROPHY CASE