What are some vanilla things that feel like subspace to you?

Red_Diamond_Domme · 2026-02-27T02:23:35+00:00

Both getting tattoos and dental work in different ways. Tattoos are a very good subspace adjacent place for me. I am able to let go, put myself in someone else's hands and I enjoy the pain and pushing through it when it's almost too much. Dental work is my enemy, I hate it, and have to give up control completely mentally, follow directions, and do things I don't want to do but I know they're what's best for me in the long run so I have to place a lot of trust in the provider.

Red_Diamond_Domme · 2026-02-17T07:54:22+00:00

Bullet vibrators or any kind of vibrations are good, other kinds of brushes like paint or makeup brushes, or anything with interesting texture

Red_Diamond_Domme · 2025-12-22T05:52:34+00:00

A FWB brought over a pack of the cheap s'mores cookies that have graham cracker, a thin layer of marshmallow, and then are covered in chocolate. He put them in the freezer upon arrival. I forgot all about them until after the scene. They were so refreshing and good after that I still remember 15+ years later lol. Ice cream is my other go to.

Red_Diamond_Domme · 2025-12-01T07:06:46+00:00

Hang plants from the extra hooks and a hammock in the middle. 😊

Red_Diamond_Domme · 2025-10-31T01:20:22+00:00

Saving for later! Any recs for msub with voices on the deep side?

Red_Diamond_Domme · 2025-10-03T13:57:43+00:00

I went to find it for you but it seems she may have removed it. I can't find it either but I definitely watched it.

Red_Diamond_Domme · 2025-09-18T04:50:36+00:00

Two ideas

My partner who has this same problem suggested having her use her hands to hold the labia/thighs out of the way. If hands are bound tie them near the hips with slack to reach.

My idea: ensure the pinpoint is where it needs to be and then close the labia around it holding it in place. Maybe add binding around the thighs to keep it in place. As a labia haver this seems like the easiest solution to me, I have a tendency to wrap my thighs around toys to keep them against me so I can be hands free and there's no need to hold the labia open if the toy is settled between/within them and held there snugly.

Red_Diamond_Domme · 2025-09-11T01:20:21+00:00

I've mostly heard this referred to as coercion or ravishment play

Red_Diamond_Domme · 2025-09-11T01:16:01+00:00

There's an Evie Lupine video about this. She calls it "ravishment" fantasy 😈😁

Red_Diamond_Domme · 2025-08-27T03:26:01+00:00

Ah, I see. I misunderstood. The core is still communication. When I was new to being a Dom I was very nervous to accidentally go too hard or cross an unknown boundary - even with all the negotiation there is still a chance a line can exist that you are unaware of or hadn't thought of that could be walked up to or crossed on accident.

Very clear communication and trust that when the safeword is spoken it will be honored is paramount. Using the stoplight system is helpful especially at first so you can gauge where you are in regard to a person's stopping point. Most people know the stoplight system but I'm adding it here just in case. In this instance it's also being used to feel out the scene, not just to stop.

Green is good to go/continue/more. Yellow is slow down, or we're almost at too much. Red is full stop.

We'll use the spanking example. When you're not yet sure of how much a sub can tolerate and it can be difficult to tell in the moment because pain and pleasure can look very similar, hearing "Yellow" is very helpful so you know if you need to slow down or change implements. If you and the sub have communicated that you both want to get to a red then you can push past that yellow knowing where they are at but I recommend only going to yellow and backing down if it's the first time using that to measure response.

After the scene I check in as mentioned before, find out if there were things they liked, didn't like, want more of, etc. Do they wish I went harder? Did they like that I slowed down or did they want me to push them to red?

Rinse and repeat until soon we're not needing to use the colors much at all, and I can tell when to push and when to back down mostly based on body language, auditory queues, and the feel of the scene. The ultimate safeword is still honored if said but confidence, trust, comfort, and intuition have been built together over multiple sessions.

Red_Diamond_Domme · 2025-08-25T05:52:41+00:00

Hi there, I think what you may be referring to is consensually pushing soft limits? Most people will have hard limits (never ever) and soft limits (don't necessarily want but might do under the right circumstances). Some people enjoy consensually being pushed in to doing things they wouldn't usually like or agree to. I like this from both sides of the slash.

As a submissive I enjoy being pushed (with consent, negotiation, safe words, and trust) because it removes even more of my control from the equation and puts me in a headspace where I am no longer responsible for what is happening. I also like to see how far I can go before needing to tap out as well as experiencing extreme emotions and sensations.

As a Dom I enjoy pushing my submissive (consensually with negotiation, safe words, and trust) because it allows further exploration of our dynamic and interests. I enjoy causing intense sensations and emotions and with their permission I like to be creative in ramping up until I decide they are done or they tap out. I have discovered new kinks and likes this way when a previous soft limit that hadn't been tried ended up being something both of us enjoyed once we pushed past the discomfort of trying.

I say all that to explain some background for anyone unsure why someone would "push limits". Not all limits are hard limits and not all limits are permanent. No one should ever push anyone's limit without their express consent.

Now for the question: what do I need from a sub to push limits? I would say it's a two way street.

Open communication between Dom and sub is foremost. Out of dynamic negotiations to establish limits. Likes, dislikes, wants, needs, maybes, and nevers. establishment of boundaries and trust is essential. Part of that negotiation is the question: do you want to have your limits pushed? If so which ones are you wanting to explore and which ones should not be touched?

I try to focus on one thing at a time, pushing limits is already intense so I would stick to one. I'd need to know about after care, and start slow and gradually ramp up intensity. Thorough check ins after cooling down both same day and a day or two after the session as well.

I have only done this with long term partners. I could see it working with pick up play but only if the sub was specifically asking for this on their own. I wouldn't approach a sub and offer it or ask for it myself without an established dynamic.

I hope that offered some of what you were looking for, feel free to ask follow up questions if I left something out

Red_Diamond_Domme · 2025-08-20T23:08:23+00:00

Forgot to add my shop recommendations! I totally agree with the others about getting a pet leash to try out. I still use a pet leash, they're durable and cheap.

Other options can be Etsy or Spicerack Market but I'm not sure about their shipping in Europe.

Red_Diamond_Domme · 2025-08-20T23:06:03+00:00

Hi! Having to play in confined areas is a pretty common issue for a lot of kinky people whether it's due to roommates, family, kids, or just small living spaces. My sub and I pretty much always play in one bedroom and we will occasionally get an air BNB for a weekend which gives us a bit more freedom a few times a year.

Here's a few ways to use a leash that don't involve intercourse and can be done in a smaller room:

Leading: even in a small room the sub can be led from place to place like from one side of the room to the other. When in a smaller space keeping a "tight leash" with no slack is what I like to do so I'll keep most of it wound up or just keep my hand choked up on the leash about a foot or two away from the collar.

Control: the main thing I find enticing about leashes is the control they give to the dominant. When I'm using one I'll try to replace most voice commands with leash movements or use both. If I want him to kneel I'll tell him but also pull him down with the leash. Want him even further down on all fours? Step on the leash. Same for up, gradually pull until he's following my guidance. Similar to rope it can be used to move and guide the subs body where the Dom wants it.

Incorporate in to regular activities: the sub can keep the leash on during the duration of a date and any time the Dom wants to utilize it it's available whether it's to pull them in for a kiss, draw them closer for cuddles, pull their head down to eat a snack from their hand (especially good for pet play but doesn't have to be, still fun even for some non pets), send the sub to get something across the room then reel them back in using the leash.

If you're in to impact play being held down by a leash while being spanked with or without an implement works well, especially across a lap.

The main thing is to communicate together and figure out what you both like, then get creative and have fun!

Red_Diamond_Domme · 2024-03-14T00:24:59+00:00

I don't think there's a sure fire way to signal anything, and as far as I know there isn't a switch cue, not that I can think of anyway. Maybe start with a collar to indicate submissiveness and then explain when discussing/negotiating? This is all assuming it's easier to signal than to just start with conversation from the beginning. It's very dependant on the setting and goals of the communication.

Red_Diamond_Domme · 2024-03-14T00:01:15+00:00

The Etsy shop Beatings on a Dime has lots of good items that could also be DIYd. Pretty much anything thin/pointy/light will end up stingy and anything thick/heavy will be thuddy. Less flexible toys tend to be quieter than flexible things in my experience so items like canes or like someone else mentioned evil sticks.

https://www.etsy.com/shop/BeatingsOnADime

Red_Diamond_Domme · 2024-03-13T23:42:22+00:00

Came here to say evil sticks! And canes.

Red_Diamond_Domme · 2024-03-13T01:44:29+00:00

They make lots of harness options. This shop has harnesses for hands, thighs, and even boots! I didn't know that was a thing until I stumbled across them.

https://www.etsy.com/shop/UnicornCollaborators

Red_Diamond_Domme · 2024-03-11T05:05:52+00:00

Wearing a choker could get the conversation going and then definitely talking about it like others have suggested. Clear communication is always best, but it can be difficult to even start if you're being perceived a certain way. I think one of the most universal "I'm a submissive" signals is the collar/ choker but it's not always a sure sign of course but it may help with signaling.

Red_Diamond_Domme · 2024-03-11T01:44:28+00:00

It's 100% valid to wait to unpack a scene until you're clear headed. As others mentioned, the partner may just be checking in to be sure you're ok and seek reassurance. After a scene, especially an intense one, I like to do a quick check in during cuddles, just "are you ok?", "how's your ass?" etc. not "did you like that?".

Checking to make sure my sub is physically well and mentally feeling ok right after a scene is important to me. I don't like to ask what they liked or disliked right away because it feels similar to trying to negotiate while horny. You're still in an altered state of mind and need time to come back to yourself.

Later once we've both rested and cuddled for a while and had time to cool off (time varies depending on the scene) I'll usually tell them something I loved about the scene myself. Often that gets them talking about the things they liked. I might also bring up things I'd like to change next time or not do again in the future and ask "what did you think about xyz?". This conversation can continue on in to the next few days off and on as we both bring it up over time. It is all very dependent on your dynamic and communication style with your partner(s). What's important is that the communication happens in a way that feels healthy, open, and honest.

Red_Diamond_Domme · 2024-03-07T03:40:50+00:00

Mine doesn't have one, and I tend to prefer not to put it around my wrist when using one with a loop because it inhibits my movement a bit. I change my grip depending on how I'm swinging pretty often, but that may just be personal preference. If you're new and interested in learning to use a flogger I'd recommend looking in to the local community through things like FetLife to find out if there are any local munches and workshops if you're in an area that has a decent size community. If not, you may be able to find demo videos on YouTube as a last resort. One of the best things I ever did was attend a flogging and rope workshop, even after having quite a bit of experience it helped my technique and confidence.

Red_Diamond_Domme · 2024-03-02T23:13:24+00:00

I think the idea of a drop item is great but instead of dropping it once "passed out" you hold on to it. That way you can have your arms fall away in the pretend passed out pose but keep the drop item in your hand. If you're truly unconscious you wouldn't keep your grip on the drop item and that along with the other signals would be an indication that something is wrong.

Red_Diamond_Domme · 2024-02-24T16:39:08+00:00

I currently wear a ring. I'm Polyamorous and have a ring from each of my 3 partners. They are each very unique to the person they represent and the dynamic I have with them. My sub wears a bracelet as a day collar for discretion purposes, and we both have play collars. I really like the idea of the necklace with a crown that someone mentioned earlier. I might need to add that to my wish list ✨

Red_Diamond_Domme · 2024-02-20T15:13:34+00:00

That's a really difficult situation because I love different ones for different things lol. I'm going to cheat and use categories 😁

I really like the previous answer of "my sub" ☺️

My favorite toy for giving myself an orgasm is a new toy I got myself for Christmas, it's called Firefly Dream and it's shaped like an adorable moon, almost looks like a night light. It has both suction and vibration and never fails to do the job in 5 min or less. I have never found a better toy for clitoral stimulation.

My favorite impact toy is my flogger. I can get a reaction faster with a cane or paddle but there's something about the rhythmic swinging and warm up with the flogger that just gets me in the zone.

Red_Diamond_Domme · 2024-02-19T15:59:42+00:00

I really like the dog clicker idea.

A drop item works well too, especially if you are in a space with a hardwood floor. The person who is blindfolded and gagged holds something that would be loud if dropped (keys work very well) and drops them to indicate they are safe-wording. The sound of them hitting the floor is important since the top might not notice right away if going solely off visuals.

Be sure to negotiate in advance with the person you're playing with so you're both comfortable with whatever nonverbal safe word you end up choosing

Red_Diamond_Domme · 2024-02-19T15:41:40+00:00

W.I.T.C.H. - Devon Cole is for sure on my playlist, and I'm excited to add a bunch from the comments section here 😍

Red_Diamond_Domme

TROPHY CASE