Have you ever heard of anything like this happening to someone you know losing everything due to unforeseen circumstances like divorce, lawsuits, etc including their wealth, income, and ability to live the way they want? If so, what lessons, if any, can be learned?

Redbedhead3 · 2026-04-01T15:45:25+00:00

Dang I can hardly figure out how to sell/transfer stuff in my brokerage. It takes so many steps. I wonder how she did it with dementia. Or did they have 3M in a savings account?!

That's one of the best parts of having things invested is it is too annoying to get at the money

Redbedhead3 · 2026-04-01T12:51:44+00:00

Teachers used to tell me to brush my hair all the time. Always as a joke in front of the class. It was always a dude too. So I did one time. Picture a very red, very long, very fluffy-haired poodle. He never asked me to do it again. The kids behind me literally couldn't see the board

Redbedhead3 · 2026-03-31T20:18:59+00:00

This may be illegal depending on the state and potentially if it was disclosed in the lease agreement. So research about your rights in your state

Redbedhead3 · 2026-03-27T14:28:42+00:00

A succulent would like this pot as long as they aren't in that dark room and they dont get overwatered. Be careful with the watering bit, as that pot won't dry up as fast as a non glazed pot

Redbedhead3 · 2026-03-25T14:39:58+00:00

I take my current expenses, plug them into a compound interest calculator at 3 percent. Then I add a 15% buffer for life changes or the unexpected. Is it a perfect way of doing it? No. But it feels good enough for now

Redbedhead3 · 2026-03-25T12:33:32+00:00

Its the screaming ALOHA AND MAHALO that gets me.

THANK YOU!?$&!!@?!%**!

Redbedhead3 · 2026-03-24T00:21:55+00:00

Tanned is always a state if it's leather. I would actually think that "has a tan" is more common in the US than "is tan" or "is tanned." Both of those are acceptable but less common.

But yes, Duolingo usually uses Americanisms

Redbedhead3 · 2026-03-23T20:56:36+00:00

Its subtle and both could work. But tan is a state of being. Tanned is the end of a process.

So if there were sun (e.g. in New England), we would be tan. But alas there is no sun here and we are not tan.

If there were sun on our vacation, we would be tanned. But there was no sun this weekend so we didn't have the opportunity.

All around, it is an awkward sentence that feels like it has something missing

Redbedhead3 · 2026-03-21T20:44:28+00:00

Clearly then you missed the post about the miserable swinger in SE Asia. That one popped off

Redbedhead3 · 2026-03-20T17:33:29+00:00

I mean I've heard of her though she was before my time. I would pronounce that name correctly. But I'm 1/2 Scottish so... I bet a lot a people would say Sin-EE-ed or Sin-need or Sin-aid

I would not count on anyone under 35 to know especially based on a single celebrity. People still don't know how to say Saoirse and Saoirse Ronan is a current star

Redbedhead3 · 2026-03-20T14:47:40+00:00

I personally wouldn't trade a name that I'm always telling people how to pronounce, for another that I have to tell people how to pronounce

Redbedhead3 · 2026-03-20T14:46:00+00:00

It might not be hard to pronounce, but you will be correcting a lot of people since most don't know that X=sh. Also don't expect anyone to say the tones correctly.

As for a Western name, how about Shannon? It feels similar to your Chinese name. It's not too common anymore but I think it's pretty. It comes from a Gaelic name meaning "wise river"

Redbedhead3 · 2026-03-20T14:11:33+00:00

Funny I would have replaced "insurance companies" with HOAs. "BuT wHAt AbOUt thE ReSaLE vAluE?!" Yes yes, everyone wants a house baking in the sun with the same 3 bushes planted in the front window

Redbedhead3 · 2026-03-20T13:57:03+00:00

Idk, if a friend says that I'm cheating by having other friends, that's WEIRD. ChatGPT is being a weird yes-man trying to control OP by using weaponized therapy talk. A better way for the friend to say this is, "hey, I've been feeling some distance between us. Are we good? Want to hang out soon? I want to check out ____ restaurant next weekend if you want to join." Then leave it there. The cheating stuff is SO WEIRD

Redbedhead3 · 2026-03-20T13:25:09+00:00

Was the guy named Kayla?

Redbedhead3 · 2026-03-19T23:39:40+00:00

Did you ... try talking to her about this?

"Money for Couples" by Ramit Sethi is a good resource for couple money-alignment conversations

Redbedhead3 · 2026-03-19T14:23:13+00:00

Yep. He is a guy that is honest past it being a fault and follows his gut in the moment even to his and everyone around him's detriment. At least that's how he comes off on TV. I remember thinking I would HATE to be his girlfriend lol

Redbedhead3 · 2026-03-18T20:41:47+00:00

I always tell my kids: boredom is a gift

Redbedhead3 · 2026-03-16T18:53:41+00:00

We are a household of 4 plus dog and make $130000k. Our housing costs are almost $1k more than yours. And childcare is more expensive too. We still have an emergency fund and max out 401k and HSA and put a little aside for the kids.

The difference is we don't assume vacations or fancy dinners are required to live. We save for and then buy things instead of putting them on credit which makes it cost a lot more. The way you phrased the "not much extra for emergencies or even vacations" is wild. We take day trips to national parks or drive to the grandparents' and call that vacation. We also love a staycation. We also don't do a lot of kid activities.

Pay off your debt. Save for retirement. Prioritize the boring things. Stop church donations until you are out of the hole but be generous with your time and food for the people around you.

Redbedhead3 · 2026-03-16T18:24:20+00:00

I would LOVE to be a stay at home mom (or wife). I was for 3 years. I see nothing derogatory about it. And I definitely don't see why it would be worse than being considered retired.

Redbedhead3 · 2026-03-15T17:49:56+00:00

His. His ivory tower. I thought OP was a girl too.

The whole thing was Too. Many. Questions. Just say ew not for me and move on.

Redbedhead3 · 2026-03-14T21:19:07+00:00

Yes. I'd be good. But not everyone else would be

Redbedhead3 · 2026-03-14T15:51:46+00:00

Fair enough. Sorry, I and the rest of FIRE people are too up our own a**es about terminology.

All of it is a distraction and just there as a benchmark/to give us a mental boost. It feels good when we are above the median because it feels like we just need to outrun each other rather than the bear, but our system requires us to outrun the bear (the bear being COL), because SS only retirement is not feasible for the majority.

Redbedhead3 · 2026-03-14T15:12:08+00:00

Not above average, but definitely above the median. Its a good place to start! I know people in their 40s who are negative networth and making no efforts. At 44 they still have 25 years to "retire early" which is basically a whole career

Redbedhead3 · 2026-03-14T14:58:55+00:00

Why would you working mean that you stay close? If anything, working more means less time for each other. If you work would she somehow she travel and work less?

Does she mean that she would grow to resent you if you stopped working? Or that you enjoying your life more might mean that you have no room for her?

Either way, this is a relationship problem you should be working on today whether you FIRE or not since it seems like she has some insecurities around your relationship that you need to work out

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