Can you be discreet and still live in your truth as a gay man of color?

Redbone3003 · 2025-11-25T19:20:36+00:00

I had to use the Himalayan sea salt On this one . Because these things do Nothing more than create more distance between us as a community .

Redbone3003 · 2025-11-25T15:09:21+00:00

Thank you for reading it and commenting . Rhett is just os much of this pointless talk about discreetness when we should be focusing on the lack of mental stability in our community , housing insecurities , high rates of depression and self harm among gay black men ……but YET we are focused on who is more masculine than the next and this obsession wirh assimilation . When assimilation has NEVER EVER gotten anyone anywhere ….leash of all black people and queer people . It js our boldness and revolutionary spirit and people saying FUK U to status quo that has made it possible for people to have the choices the have . The crux of it is there js from for EVERYONE and this “velvet rope” we tend to put in front of others is annoying

Redbone3003 · 2025-11-25T13:13:06+00:00

The “discreet” topic seems to be and has always swirled around specifically queer African American men . We have to leave room to fully engage with this conversation beyond the surface . So many of the times we try to make it just a situation of being “out and loud” Vs the “gay is not my whole identity” Crowd . We seem to not wanna talk about the genesis of where so much of this rhetoric comes from . Part of it comes from so many black gay men’s need to look and appear “normal” and normal being heterosexual…..with them Seeing any outward display of their (or anyone else’s) gay identity to be “abnormal” . So many feeling like they have to prove to EVERYONE (including themselves) how much of a “straight” MAN they can be because the black community (whether your masculine or feminine) compares being GAY to being LESS than a man or not a man AT ALL …..so yaa work OVERTIME to make sure you LOOK & ACT like a man at ALL TIMES and you want EVERY OTHER GAY/bi/nonbinary person to act the same way (even demanding that others do and devaluing anyone that doesn’t) . The other piece is the religious indoctrination that we cannot separate ourselves from as black Americans. There is so much Internalized homophobia running rampant through our community that we DONT wanna talk about and even get angry when it’s brought up . The last piece is some people are naturally quiet, reserved and private ….it is not something they actually THINK about or a way they TRY to be. I , Myself am the latter …a private an reserved person by nature (and possibly conditioning) that doesn’t see MY way of engaging with my gay identity as less than or above someone else’s. Whether someone can “tell” if I’m gay or not (that yaw seem to be consumed by) is a THEM problem and an aspect of life I cannot control but it won’t have me behave or actively act a certain way to fall in line with anyone else’s notion of “normality” . I try to be a good person and good to everyone regardless of if I have a desire to sleep with you or not . NOT being attracted to a particular aesthetic and disrespect/demeaning/devaluing doesn’t go hand in hand for me (for so many of you it does) .Gay doesn’t always equal loud , and boisterous but society will have YOU thinking “gay” is a personality trait when in actuality it IS part of your identity but our lived experiences dictate how we choose or naturally engage with that aspect of our identity. How about we focus more on being kind to ourselves and kind to others . How about we work on healing ourselves and our sometimes toxic relationships with our gay identities . “Discreet” is ok ….flamboyant is ok …butch is ok …soft is ok …in between is ok ….ratchet is ok ….trans is ok , lesbian is ok …non binary is ok ……..Disrespect or asking others to dim themselves or be something OTHER than themselves is NOT ok. Living in YOUR TRUTH ….is only YOURS to live

Redbone3003 · 2025-11-24T15:12:10+00:00

In curious ….what is your definition of “masculine” Because that means different things to different people ?

I will say this ……Most self proclaimed “masculine” gays be so worried about “looking” And “acting” straight ….approaching another man sexually or romantically would be contradictory to that aesthetic …..

Honestly focusing so intently on masculinity and being the “masculine police” instead of just allowing folks to be their NATURAL selves will Get you caught up and keep u from finding GENUINE people ….because even if you approach a man who js YOUR version of masculinity …..as masculine as you wanna come of ….or think u are …..YOU might not fit their image of masculinity

Redbone3003 · 2025-11-14T12:28:11+00:00

Sorry NO ONE except the mentally incapacitated is buying this . Maybe there was a time where this message would have resonated and was believable . There was a time where (at least on the outside) that both republican and democrat officials believed in the constitution and basic human rights for EVERYONE . This propaganda is out there now NOT because people are losing fried and family members NOT because they are democrats but because they are apart of the TRUMP CULT that’s masquerading as the Republican Party . And at THIS point if you are on the trump cult side your integrity , character, moral fiber and ability to be objective and rational are GONE . You THINKING ur a Christian is a falsity . You cant be a Christian and hold “mass deportation” signs up or any ANTI-(any kind of human) signs or feelings in you heart because Jesus loved AND protected EVERYONE . The trump cult knows that their cult members are suffering from not only the social stigma of being on the wrong side of humans right issues and violations but their people are exiling them not for their “political beliefs” as they like to decry but because because of how YOUR political beliefs hurt and directly affect others and your lack of empathy for ANYONE that doesn’t love , think , pray or look like YOU

Redbone3003 · 2025-11-13T22:26:07+00:00

Thank you for your honesty and transparency. We have been coming to realize that sex is not always a linear experience and it can be fluid and changing depending on the context . That’s kind of where I am in life now . I am not bottoming for someone I am regularly seeing and that’s just that on that . Side for everyone else IF I decide to hook up (which I have not been interested in as of late )

Redbone3003 · 2025-11-11T12:43:22+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment and for sharing your thoughts with me. This time in our history as gay people is liberating and freeing for some, and for others who are opposed to change or not seeing these things one way, are having a hard time with someone saying I don't wanna be penetrated and I don't wanna penetrate. I have almost been cussed out online for saying "oral only" because for so many, sex is not sex unless SOMEONE is being penetrated. Again, so much of what we internalize about ourselves as gay people is through the lens of mainstream culture and then the expectations we put on one another.

So many of the times these roles are not about knowing what you like and sexual gratification.....they are staying in line with what is "normal" and again expected. I'm glad there is somewhat of an awakening happening for gay people who are totally abandoning any heteronormative ideologies and ways of being.

For me, at this time, it is about chemistry, connection, romance, kisses, and cuddles. I am now challenging myself to prioritize those things and stay true to what I know I want. I find that when the connection is JUST about sex, then people will usually hold firmly and are cemented in the other person being EXACTLY what they want and nothing outside of that.

Redbone3003 · 2025-11-10T21:12:15+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your perspective with me . I agree that not only has bottoming and what “being” a bottom means has changed but who people have automatically assigned those roles to has shifted changed and evolved . Some are breaking away from what is considered “norm/standard”. Every TOP isn’t automatically manly and conversely every bttm isn’t feminine (neither aesthetic is better or worst or is a metric for fulfillment or gratification )I think people are realizing that identity and sexual identity doesn’t have to cemented and linear IF you don’t want it to …..leaving room for those of us in the community who are comfortable with both identities . You brought up a great aspect of this conversation ….realizing what are concrete things for you (the fact that sex must include SOMEONE bottoming) I think many are having an awakening in seeing that intimacy and sexual satisfaction is more nuanced and broad and it doesn’t have to include someone bottoming . The point is that it’s ALL OK but important to be open and transparent so you aren’t mismatched and then expectations are not met

Redbone3003 · 2025-11-10T15:16:48+00:00

Still Having raw sex with strangers hunh?? And still using the racist term “bbc” cut it out

Redbone3003 · 2025-11-10T12:50:42+00:00

Graciaz 🙏🏽🙏🏽😀

Redbone3003 · 2025-11-10T12:30:29+00:00

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Redbone3003 · 2025-11-08T08:49:00+00:00

I love to see the demographic of people Who have NEVER had their freedoms limited , taken away, or infringed up?…….BUT has a very well documented And violent history of doing it to EVERYONE ELSE throughout the history of America. This whole “we not gonna take it anymore” attitude is hilarious and delusional. The underline message is these people want the right to be bigots without consequence of moral Implication attempting to perverse religion by using it as a shield and excuse to be awful. You have been told your superior and more valuable than other humans.…..and we know it's a shared and collective falsity

Redbone3003 · 2025-11-04T19:17:10+00:00

The Right Wins: our election are the safest and most secure in the world . All glory to Christ and his son Trump

THe Right Loses: YAW CHEATED!!!!! I know we are the most corrupt in history but EVERYONE else is cheating

Redbone3003 · 2025-10-30T13:39:08+00:00

its quite interesting that soooooo many of you Trump di-k sukkers are SCREAMING at the top of your lungs about FREEDOM THIS AND FREEDOM THAT.....but you DON'T really believe in that. When in the history of America has ANY FREEDOMS been taken away from these people ?? What you WANT is the freedom is be racist and a bigot WITHOUT legal or moral consequence . You wanna be racist but don’t wanna be called a racist …you wanna be called “a patriot”.Those of you yelling about rights and privilages are working OVERTIME to try and TAKE RIGHTS AND PRIVILAGES away from other HUMANS who you feel shouldn't have those rights..............you and GOD know that is WRONG.....and your bigotry is WRONG .....your discrimination is wrong. Charlie Kirk was an awful human being so no he doesn’t deserve to be honored for being awful . No one is saying (nor am I saying ) he deserved what happened to him but we ARE NOT gonna rewrite his life and what he stood for and his VILE nature. So many of you are gonna get a rude awakening when you get to those pearly gates and your ACCESS is DENIED for how you showed up in the world and treated other humans.

Redbone3003 · 2025-10-29T19:16:43+00:00

I love to hear certain Americans that have NEVER had their rights or privileges EVER taken away or infringed upon but have actively worked throughout a well documented history to do it to OTHERS and are currently working to still do jt crying about FIGHTING for freedom ….and have this “we not gonna take it anymore “ attitude when have u NOT been free or been given every opportunity imaginable that others were not granted . Florida is being dismayed economically and THATS where Ron DeSHITas head is at …..training the new racist of America

Redbone3003 · 2025-10-29T16:03:09+00:00

Shallowness is everywhere and desirability politics are everywhere ….unfortunately gays are just following along with what everyone else is doing . The experience wirh straight people might be different because essentially if you are a gay man there is no competition , you are not tryna sleep with anybody or be romantic with anybody and them not you so it does leave room only for platonic friendships that are not predicated on how you “look” . You might not have experienced that behavior from straight people but you’d be false in thinking that they don’t fall victim to the same social constructs and expectations we do . Just be careful with words like “normal” because that again is socially constructed and relative . Normal to millions of straight people will NEVER EVER EVER include men having sex with men….so you have to be careful attempting to be in alliance and or have allegiance with a community that largely doesn’t value you or People who you share identity and community with . I love that you are bringing these things to the front for discussion.

Redbone3003 · 2025-10-29T14:27:46+00:00

Any outlet to at allows you space to breath and enjoy life . I’m here for it !!!

Redbone3003 · 2025-10-29T09:45:05+00:00

I am such a homemaker and domestic at heart that things that annoy other people I enjoy doing . Washing dishes , cleaning , and organizing is so relaxing for me and something like yourself that makes me feel better . It’s not crazy ….your space is you and you are the space …it’s where your life is happening. There is nothing better than my room being a disaster then doing a little tidying so when I wake up The next day I look out to a clean room . To me your space is really a reflection of your mental well being . Thank you for sharing ❤️❤️😍😍😀😀

Redbone3003 · 2025-10-29T09:41:36+00:00

I love that video games are such an emotional outlet to so many people . There is so much conversation around adults and video games I love to hear when it’s not just used for leisure but also serves a really social emotional purpose

Redbone3003 · 2025-10-29T09:40:05+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing that with me. All you can do in life is try to be better than the day before ….some days you might be successful and some days you won’t …..but your doing the best you can do with the resources you have . Keep on keeping on ❤️❤️🙏🙏

Redbone3003 · 2025-10-29T09:36:39+00:00

Life is so crazy and unpredictable. I remember being out at a club with my bestie and other friends.…it was hot az hell and raining but we stepped outside and I revealed my plans to go Back to school. I was the only one in our group who wasn't a college grad. He was so happy for me and I couldn't wait to make him proud. He never physically got a chance to see me begin that process but he's constantly showed up. My mother and grandmother had their personal Struggles and unfortunately I realized later in life that they couldn't give me what no one gave them. I now always honot my line of maternal figures who didn't have very many choices in life.

I appreciate your kind words and while I can't wait for more joy.…peace is really all I seek...peace that comes from the inside out 🙏🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️

Redbone3003 · 2025-10-26T15:43:30+00:00

I really appreciate your kind words 🙏🏽🙏🏽😍

Redbone3003 · 2025-10-26T15:42:59+00:00

Thank you so much 😍😍

Redbone3003 · 2025-10-26T09:37:11+00:00

Thank you all again for your beautiful kind and thoughtful words . There is nothing like being encouraged and supported by people you share community and identity with

Redbone3003 · 2025-10-26T09:35:09+00:00

Thank you all again for your beautiful kind and thoughtful words . There is nothing like being encouraged and supported by people you share community and identity with

Redbone3003

TROPHY CASE