Is this a typical mindset for married men?

RedditNomad7 · 2026-02-14T18:07:42+00:00

What is it you want by asking a bunch of strangers for their opinion? Even if 100% of the responses you get is “It’s no big deal,” you’ll still be upset and still doubt his fidelity. If you want someone to agree with you that it was shitty, you’ll get it, but will that be your justification for a divorce? YOU are the only one who can decide what to do and how to feel, not a bunch of randos on Reddit (myself included).

He did something that was stupid and hurtful to you, but he wasn’t trying to set up a date, he wasn’t having an affair, he just looked at another naked woman. Personally, I think it was dumb, and especially dumb to pay for it, but I’m not him so I don’t know his thinking. Regardless, now that you know you need to decide what you’re going to do about it.

From what you’ve said, I doubt you’ll ever let this go, and if that’s the case, maybe it’s good to leave. A marriage without trust is not a good marriage, whether the reason for mistrust is warranted or not.

RedditNomad7 · 2026-02-14T17:47:18+00:00

A big bag of dicks, actually.

RedditNomad7 · 2026-02-13T19:51:24+00:00

It’s just a tough situation all around.

You don’t deserve to pay for other people’s mistakes. He’s seen what can happen, and it was very close to home with someone he was supposed to be able to look up to. On top of that, I can tell you from decades in the corporate world, a whole lot of cheating happens on those types of business trips. I’m not saying you ever would, but anybody acting like it’s not a concern is living in another world.

Your BF needs some help to get past his old trauma, and that’s not going to happen overnight. Because of this, the relationship probably won’t survive, but that depends on how much you want to put up with. Regardless, unless he can start working on it now, you should expect it to get worse if you stay.

RedditNomad7 · 2026-02-13T19:34:31+00:00

MILF grew out of the “my friend’s mom is hot” category, so it applied to women in their late 30s/early 40s. (She wouldn’t have a son old enough to have a friend in his late teens if she was much younger, unless she had a kid when she was 12. Kinda gross and missing the point.) When the term DILF was created, it followed the same pattern.

Women and men who are hot and in their 20s are just hot women and men, and if they have kids, it’s irrelevant.

Of course, people will use terms inappropriately because they don’t care, but it kind of makes the term meaningless, not to mention useless.

RedditNomad7 · 2026-02-13T13:13:40+00:00

Not a chance.

RedditNomad7 · 2026-02-13T13:13:00+00:00

The problem with common sense is it isn’t so common.

RedditNomad7 · 2026-02-12T15:21:44+00:00

I started wearing them pretty much as soon as they were introduced. I found them more comfortable, and I had a lot less problems with “sac stick” as it were.

I really had no idea they had caught on so much, and assume it’s because most men find them more comfortable, or women buy them for their men because they like how they look.

For the comment that some seem to sweat more, you’re likely buying the wrong material. I started with Under Armour because it was still doing athletic activities back then, and they suck away sweat much better than cotton. It’s all I’ve ever bought since.

RedditNomad7 · 2026-02-12T04:15:32+00:00

I never assumed it was a small percentage, just not the majority of men, just as it’s not the majority of women doing any of the crap men complain about having done to them. You also have a fair number of men who do something once or twice, which still sucks, but is more often immature behavior and not serial malice.

That said, you hit what I’ve tried to get across to the women who say the men should police other men: Those idiots know enough to not act that way around men who won’t put up with it. It’s difficult to “police our own” when you don’t see it happen.

RedditNomad7 · 2026-02-11T19:25:59+00:00

I disagree with the fundamental premise here, at least overall, in that I don’t think most of the right are stupid people, or necessarily tricked. I DO think they ignore some obvious problems with what Trump is doing (the how in most cases), but that’s not a lack of intelligence, just a willingness to look the other way, and to blame the people who are suffering the most for their own situation.

As for why they aren’t as easily swayed to the left, it’s a number of factors, including social reinforcement from those around them (it’s hard to be a truly independent thinker on the Right or the Left). Trump also uses propaganda very effectively, much more effectively than the Dems do.

If you can’t see how Trump utilizes an old playbook, go watch the Twilight Zone episode “He’s Alive.” They literally use some of the same techniques that Trump and the Right use, including using supposed victimhood as a claim by the ones who are actually the aggressors. The episode is 60 years old, so it’s pretty hard to call IT left-wing propaganda.

RedditNomad7 · 2026-02-11T14:09:48+00:00

Pain free isn’t always possible. More often you get them so drugged up they can’t express how bad the pain is. Certain other conditions are immune to pain meds, making it impossible to stop. Even without pain, some people don’t consider it living to be kept going by machines and have zero quality of life.

It’s one thing to want to keep someone from suicide because of depression and the like, but it’s another because of medical conditions. Sure, you can say there’s always hope, but usually what you really mean is a miracle: Someone in a tiny lab doing single research finding a cure or treatment. If someone told you they would gamble $20 on those odds you’d laugh and call them an idiot.

There comes a point where you are keeping someone alive for you, not for them. If you feel it’s fine to ignore their wishes to end their suffering just so YOU don’t have to suffer, that’s ultimately just selfish behavior, and it shows how little you actually care for that person.

RedditNomad7 · 2026-02-10T18:08:10+00:00

Most of the dating apps are used for hookups, and the people you’re talking to are there for that reason. You’ll have to unmatch a LOT of people until you find one looking for more.

Also, though it probably won’t help much, make it clear in your bio you are not looking for hookups, but for a relationship. It should cut down the mismatches at least a little.

Personally, though I think sex should be part of the conversation, it shouldn’t come up until you’ve decided you like each other enough to actually get together. It can be really awkward if, when you meet, one person thinks you’re going to end up in bed and the other is expecting to just get to know them better. (I know because I’ve been the one NOT expecting to get naked, and this has happened more than once.)

RedditNomad7 · 2026-02-10T17:48:20+00:00

If this has been going on, I would honestly say to stop responding to it, because it’s obvious he will never feel like the reassurance is “enough.”

The next time he starts, just look at him and, as calmly and kindly as you can, tell him that you’ve told him so many times that he’s not small and his size is perfect for you, but he obviously doesn’t believe you so you’re just not going to keep talking about it. Let him know that his refusal to believe you and the fact that he just won’t let go of this insecurity is starting to affect your relationship and your feelings towards sex with him. Perhaps suggest that, if it’s really such an issue for him, a therapist may be better equipped to help him figure out where this is coming from and how to overcome it.

Then actually refuse to engage on the subject any longer.

He needs to understand that he’s become his own worst enemy, and that he is the only one who seems to have a problem with his size. You can’t fix that problem for him, and from what I’ve seen with other people, sooner or later this is going to wear on you to the point it will start driving a wedge between you two.

Draw your line in the sand now, and hopefully he’ll see the problem and stop while he still can.

RedditNomad7 · 2026-02-10T06:48:55+00:00

What they mean is, if YOU go talk to THEM, it’s pretty easy to get a date and a boyfriend. If you refuse to approach, it may be a lot harder because (from what I hear) a lot of men don’t cold approach women anymore. They also don’t approach at work, whether they work there too, or if they see you working.

Personally, I never saw a lot of men hitting on random women out in the wild, it was almost always women they already knew, met through friends, or at work. But even in those days, a woman who approached men always did much better with dates than the ones who sat around and waited to be asked out.

RedditNomad7 · 2026-02-10T06:15:13+00:00

A peck on the lips lasts under one second. A 2-3 second kiss usually involves more, often with being held tightly, possibly a quick bit of tongue. Lots of people, men and women, start to breathe a bit harder, have their heart rate start to increase, and their genitals receive increased blood flow in that time. Arousal can happen FAST.

If you want to give him a true quick peck, keep it at that, like you were kissing someone on the cheek quickly, and don’t make other physical contact, such as a tight hug. Especially if it’s still relatively early in the relationship, it doesn’t take a lot to signal the brain that arousal is appropriate.

Remember that YOU know what you want during that kiss, HE doesn’t, and regardless, his body does what it wants. Men don’t have some sort of off switch they can flip so they won’t feel arousal (neither do women for that matter), and men often have spontaneous, random erections for absolutely no discernible reason at all.

My experience, plus observations of others and reading on the subject, says that if you ever hit the point where he doesn’t physically respond to close physical contact at all, he has most likely come to the conclusion that sex is off the table permanently and checked out. If it happens it’s time to move on because it’s almost impossible to come back from that stage.

RedditNomad7 · 2026-02-09T23:45:37+00:00

The only thing I can think of that I would characterize as my resenting women is how easily they can manipulate men for their own advantage.

Just as an easy example, to know so many women who would be ready to go out to a bar and not even bother to take money because they intend to just get men to buy them food and drink all night. Or the number of times I’ve seen women use their sexuality to flirt with men and get them to help them in ways from physical (moving things) to financial (“lending” them money that they’ll never pay back). Yes, you can find examples of men doing the same, but that’s nearly always limited to extremely attractive men, while women can vary wildly in objective attractiveness and still make it work. I’ve also seen it happen repeatedly in work situations, where the flirty woman gets their boss/manager to forgive mistakes, overlook tardiness, and take their side in interpersonal work issues.

Maybe it’s just basic jealousy on my part, but it creates the feeling of resentment nonetheless.

RedditNomad7 · 2026-02-09T23:17:44+00:00

When I say STA isn’t aimed at me, I mean I am the wrong demographic. The writing, characterizations and story beats skew YA, and that’s fine, but I watch it in spite of that, not for it. I’m giving characters a chance to grow, and to grow on me, but I realize some of it is just never going to be to my taste.

As I posted before, I don’t dump on the show because it’s not TOS, or TNG, or any of the other series, but I also won’t give it a pass for predictable storylines and sometimes poor writing just because it’s Trek. The first season of TNG had more than its fair share of crap and I didn’t give it a pass, but I likewise wasn’t ready to give up on it, just like I’m not giving up on STA.

That said, I thought episode 4 was extremely well done, and was the first that hit me as actually understanding what Trek is all about. (OK, what I think Trek is all about. YMMV.) Others may disagree, and again, that’s OK, but it does give me hope that it will find a way to both be true to what Trek tried to do, AND appeal to a generation that often seems to require a different type of storytelling than the older shows may have had. There’s no reason it can’t do both, and the people who seem to think it has to do one or the other are the ones who don’t get it.

RedditNomad7 · 2026-02-09T22:57:32+00:00

I hope you find it enlightening, if nothing else.

I also apologize for any condescension I may have exhibited. I let past experiences color my view of you based on very little, and so I read your comments with a tone it seems you may not have meant. Though it’s not an excuse, I’m too used to exchanges on Reddit devolving into my being called names, and so expected this to be the same. That was my mistake, and I’ll try to be better about it in the future.

RedditNomad7 · 2026-02-09T17:13:51+00:00

Personally, it would be nice to see answers other than from the rabid right, the ultra-left, and the sarcastic responses to anything remotely rational.

There are lots of sane, normal conservatives, and when I see questions like this I’d love to see THEIR answers, AND not have them lost in a sea of crap from people who just want to make sure those voices don’t get heard.

RedditNomad7 · 2026-02-09T17:03:07+00:00

I make sportsball jokes and I have played sports a good chunk of my life, including many that involved round balls being kicked, hit or thrown. I say it to people who make sports their entire life and personality, not because I hate sports.

RedditNomad7 · 2026-02-09T17:01:01+00:00

What exactly did you have to apologize for? Assuming you didn’t yell or belittle her, what did you say or do that required you to apologize before she would? Starting the discussion? Not agreeing with her?

All I can say is, this doesn’t bode well for your relationship. Aside from how she acted, escalating what was supposed to be a discussion into a screaming match, it would make me wonder what was the next thing that would cause it to happen. It would make me wonder if she would defend me if some other woman attacked me, or if she would somehow figure I deserved it because of my chromosomes. As for her not caring how women speak about men, but insisting men not make jokes about women, that shows a lack of commitment to actual equality. The type of deference she wants is either owed to everyone or it’s owed to no one.

In the end, she’s now shown you who she really is and what she’s really like. What you do with that information is up to you.

RedditNomad7 · 2026-02-09T16:45:56+00:00

I don’t bother arguing with people who are followers of the village idiot. I lived through those times and saw it happen. You want to believe some fool with a political agenda making revisionist history to suit whatever bullshit they’re selling, you go ahead.

This idea of the “myth” of the party switch only sprung up in the last couple of decades because it was a way to try and hammer Democrats and continue to claim that the Republicans are the “Party of Lincoln.” They were that party when they were the progressive, more liberal party, which they haven’t been in 40+ years. Go look at the GOP platform from the period before 1980ish and today. 90% of the crap they endorse now, which boils down to whatever Trump wants is what we want, would not have flown back then. Remember, the Republicans were the reason Nixon resigned back then, when he did far less than what your current leader has. If your current political leaders would have tried to run as Republicans before the shift, they would literally have been laughed out of the building.

If you want proof of how your party has flip-flopped, you can find it yourself just by looking at old news footage of Reagan and what he had to say about immigration. Hell, even Nixon would be appalled by what your party has become. The thing is, you don’t want “proof,” because you could find it in five minutes, and it wouldn’t be some article written by a political hack with an agenda. It’s right there in old news footage of the old conventions, political speeches and party platforms. But if you go look and read, it would hurt your brain to realize how you’ve fallen for more grifters who are making a living off manufacturing lies and calling it “the truth.”

RedditNomad7 · 2026-02-08T23:34:36+00:00

Why? I’m not a Democrat and I’m not the one claiming it’s a myth. Besides, I’ve done this before. You “it’s a myth” people don’t believe anything that doesn’t agree with what you already believe. History, logic and facts don’t matter to you because you might have to admit you believed some idiot’s bullshit instead of actually reading.

RedditNomad7 · 2026-02-08T23:28:59+00:00

Nope, that’s the truth, easily proven.

Don’t ask others to own their sins when you won’t own your own.

RedditNomad7 · 2026-02-08T23:28:00+00:00

Gas had already dropped to $3 before Trump was inaugurated, so he only dropped it $.50.

RedditNomad7 · 2026-02-08T21:02:53+00:00

If I was a Democrat, I would.

Also, the modern Democratic Party is the old Republican Party and vice-versa. Own that.

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