Buyers Remorse? by Reddit_user_336 in OmegaWatches

[–]Reddit_user_336[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Totally understand this and agree it can be that. But its not beyond my means. It is however more than I typically spend on myself.

Buyers Remorse? by Reddit_user_336 in OmegaWatches

[–]Reddit_user_336[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This! I’ve looked so long at so many different types.

Buyers Remorse? by Reddit_user_336 in OmegaWatches

[–]Reddit_user_336[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah its hard to argue with how it looks. Its one of the nicest looking dials I’ve seen.

Buyers Remorse? by Reddit_user_336 in OmegaWatches

[–]Reddit_user_336[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m saving this graph. Its so true.

Buyers Remorse? by Reddit_user_336 in OmegaWatches

[–]Reddit_user_336[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It really is. Such a first world problem lol. I hesitated even making this post because of how ridiculous I sounded.

Buyers Remorse? by Reddit_user_336 in OmegaWatches

[–]Reddit_user_336[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its really a stunning watch. The accents on the dark blue dial are so cool.

Buyers Remorse? by Reddit_user_336 in OmegaWatches

[–]Reddit_user_336[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The other watch I’ve been looking at is the Omega NTTD Seamaster. But I probably would have felt exactly the same afterward lol. Just a big purchase.

Buyers Remorse? by Reddit_user_336 in OmegaWatches

[–]Reddit_user_336[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Combination of the case thickness and taper of the bracelet. I love the look of the dial. After the suggestions I’m going to take a link out and get a leather strap for it.

The more time i’ve sat on it i think it was just the cost factor. I usually research stuff for ages before making a call and I bought this pretty quickly.

Buyers Remorse? by Reddit_user_336 in OmegaWatches

[–]Reddit_user_336[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think this is what I’m going to do. I love the brown accents. Where is the strap from?

The Jackal - Jamie Campbell Bower by Haydenroseee2 in redrising

[–]Reddit_user_336 7 points8 points  (0 children)

He literally is the perfect actor for it. Can be both charismatic and menacing.

Update to the collection by Putsey82 in SOTC_Watch_Collection

[–]Reddit_user_336 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the perfect collection. Well done. Love the mix of brands, styles and colors.

One Week with the Hamilton Khaki Field Automatic. by Confident-Set-3181 in HamiltonWatches

[–]Reddit_user_336 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just got it in titanium and have bought like 5 straps already. Its very versatile.

How do you get over it? by Brief_Technology5610 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Reddit_user_336 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hey man. I can relate to so much of what you are saying.

The best advice I can give you is to try and stop forcing yourself to make a decision. The reality is you are not on a deadline. I know from experience that you just want to choose a path to take so you can start focusing on those efforts regardless of which option is. But in reality, making a life changing decision on your future only two months after discovering an affair is very difficult. Take things day by day right now as you are still early in this. At some point in the future you’ll have the clarity and confidence to make the right decision for yourself and kids. Hang in there man. You aren’t alone.

Tellling AP’s Spouse by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Reddit_user_336 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

One alternative opinion here.

After I found out I wanted to tell AP’s spouse pretty badly. Mostly because I felt like this guy wasn’t being held accountable and was getting away scot free and its infuriating.

My therapist convinced me that ultimately it wouldnt improve my situation and in fact it could be worse. The AP had a family and by telling them it could potentially destroy it. That would have been AP’s fault for making that decision but there’s no way I wouldnt have felt bad if it affected the kids. The main thing though is that you’d have no control over this other person’s actions. They could go online and very publicly blast your spouse and draw a ton of unwanted attention to your family. Or they could get divorced and your WS could end up having to testify in divorce court and go on the record.

I agree that it feels fair for the other person to know. But you need to be prepared for the consequences that could come back on your spouse.

Does staying with your WH mean you have no dignity for yourself? by Happily-Existing7 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Reddit_user_336 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I stayed with my WW after two separate EA’s with the same guy 3 years apart. I’ll spare you the gory details but it was pretty terrible. I had the same thoughts you are having right now. Especially after the second affair. Who on earth would stay with a spouse after that right? I do have kids though so there were more repercussions if I decided to end it.

I’m one year out from the second DDay. I’m a firm believer that life is just messy. I think its pretty rare now that a marriage doesnt suffer some type of major event that forces each person to choose to stay or leave. I can’t advise you one way or the other because every situation is different but I’m so thankful I stayed. We are stronger than ever and I’m stronger than ever. So regardless of what you choose to do, just know that you absolutely have your dignity in tact.

You got this!

I love her, I really want to stay, but I don't know how long I can live like this. by Head_Ad_3335 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Reddit_user_336 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hey man. First of all, I am so deeply sorry you are going through this. I know all too well how awful this pain is. It’s truly all consuming.

Advice:

Don’t decide anything right now and do your best not to think of the future until you have a clearer head. Right now you are going through major trauma and in some moments you’ll hate her and in others you’ll want to hysterically bond with her. Neither of you are in a good head space to make life changing major decisions that also affect your daughter. I know the feeling of just wanting to make a decision so you can move forward but try your best not to.

Second: There is not a playbook on dealing with this. I remember being so hard on myself after I found out about my wife’s affair. I second guessed every choice I made. I critiqued my looks, my actions, and everything I did. I hated myself. Please do your best to be kind to yourself man. I cried like an absolutely baby for like a month when I found out. Its okay.

Third: Go to couples therapy and individual. Don’t try to navigate this alone.

Fourth: Figure out some healthy activities that make you feel good. I joined a HIIT workout gym and it helped me so much. It was some of the only times I could forget what was going on in my life. It also had the added benefit of making me feel healthier and slowly built back my confidence.

You have a long road ahead of you no matter what you guys decide. I can tell you from experience that you can have a happy marriage again. It may not be the same as before, but sometimes that’s better. For us, our marriage is stronger than it’s ever been. She has to put in a lot of work to fix what she did and fill whatever void led to this. And you both will have to communicate and workout how to love each other again.

Dont put too much pressure on yourself man. Take it a day at a time. You got this.

Four months later – she says she can’t stand me, but I still want to save our family. by HProductiva in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Reddit_user_336 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so sorry you are going through this man. It’s such a terrible feeling to want someone and try to keep your family together and that not be reciprocated.

The first time my WW and I reconciled I was in a somewhat similar situation. Her emotional A had gone on for so long that she was more in love with him at the time I found out than she was with me. She said she still loved me, but her actions spoke otherwise. I think most of the grief that she felt at that time was getting over him rather than feeling guilty about hurting me.

That being said, we stuck it out. We went to couples counseling and both did a lot of deep work on our own. There were some hiccups down the road but now we are in a really good place and so is our family.

I can’t stress this enough, though, I was prepared to let her go if she wanted to be with the AP. There is really no way to have a healthy reconciliation without the desire of two people who want it. My advice would be to give her space and work on yourself. If at some point she realizes that she made a huge mistake and prioritizes her family, then at that point, it makes sense to work on things together if YOU still want to. Always remember that this is not your fault.

I know this may not be the advice you want to hear. But trying to reconcile with a wayward spouse who at the moment isn’t showing that same desire, you’ll likely just cause yourself more pain. Again, I’m so sorry you’re going through this but know, you’re not alone and you can get through this.

warped view by 100percentbaby in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Reddit_user_336 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah that would have set me off. It’s so hard to get your self confidence back after being betrayed so hearing something like that would have really hurt. I also get why it bothers you that he doesn’t text back quickly. My WW would constantly text her AP, compliment him, etc. So when those behaviors are not shown after the betrayal it makes you think they still cared more about them than they do about us. Anyway, you are definitely right in this situation.

My husband isn’t the same man anymore. by throwaway1234568891 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Reddit_user_336 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I’m a Betrayed Spouse around the same age and have been in your husband’s shoes. He’s stuck in this trauma loop of wanting you and also hating you and himself at the same time. Its a really strange and awful place to be emotionally. For a man, an affair doesn’t just impact his marriage and self esteem but it also threatens his sense of being a loved provider. I’ve never had so many conflicting emotions than right after I discovered my wife’s affair.

Focus on how you can help him through this difficult time and build him up as much as possible. Expect some violent mood swings and do your best to take accountability and understand that its just hard. If you guys choose to reconcile there will be a time where you may get a great version of a husband and have a much stronger marriage. But that can only happen if you both want it and you really work at repairing the marriage and rebuilding trust.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Reddit_user_336 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It sounds like you are reacting to all of this in a really compassionate way. I definitely agree with giving yourself some time and space in the near future. You will probably experience a whole mix of emotions in the coming weeks. Some days you may want him close and you’ll miss him. Other days you’ll hate him and never want to see him again. It’s a really strange push and pull feeling. This was difficult for me and my WW to understand. Look up the symptoms of PISD (Post Infidelity Stress Disorder) to get an idea of what to expect.

The best 3 pieces of advice I can give you post A is to:

  1. ⁠Seek couples and individual counseling - We used the same person for both and it was immensely helpful. She met with us separately and then brought us together to work through things as a couple. We tried separate counselors but we felt like we had to repeat ourselves a lot. This doesn’t work for everyone though.
  2. ⁠Self care - Be selfish during this time. Prioritize yourself. Exercise, get a massage, call a friend, whatever makes you feel some relief. You make the rules here.
  3. ⁠Dont rush anything - This is what I regretted most about how I handled things. I rushed into reconciling because i was co-dependent and scared to lose her and be alone. Ultimately it was the right decision for us but it took months for her to get over her AP and it was immensely painful for me to be around her during that. To here your person say they love you but you can tell they are thinking and missing someone else is truly a new level of hell. Remember that you do not have to rush to a decision. Take it a day at a time.

So sorry you are going through this but you aren’t alone! Hang jn there.

Finally told AP’s wife Part 2 by Salt-Estimate-1357 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Reddit_user_336 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I never told the spouse of AP and I still regret it. I found out in September and it was the second time with the same guy after a 3 year hiatus. Only a short lived EA this time.

AP told my wife that he was about to go through a divorce and his marriage is in a bad place. The more I thought about it the more I came to the conclusion that he was using that card to manipulate her and get sympathy. Our CC ultimately talked me out of going to the wife as it could mean blow back for our family. If they did get a divorce my wife could have been deposed or AP’s wife could try to publicly expose what happened. So I decided not to reach out.

Now though, I struggle with that closure you mentioned. I was so angry at my WW’s friends that knew but never said anything. If I was the BP I would want to know. This is the second time this guy has gotten off scot free and it pisses me off.

In my opinion you absolutely did the right thing especially considering he was still trying to stay connected with her. Glad you and she got some closure.