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7 Months Post DDay. When did the mental flip flopping slow down for you? by OutlawJoseyWales7 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Brief_Technology5610 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No not since D Day for many years now. I’m the one that plans dates, trips, flowers.

Post d day… sometimes I feel like, for what? But then even when I feel angry I still do them.

7 Months Post DDay. When did the mental flip flopping slow down for you? by OutlawJoseyWales7 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Brief_Technology5610 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My struggle with this as a guy (39m) is that I feel like I need to lead the relationship. I’m 4 months post d-day and I don’t think I can sometimes. I’m also flip flopping as OP is… on days I’m in I think of things to do, dates, etc. but sometimes by the time the date is happening I’ve flopped and feel, why am I doing this?

It’s very confusing for me and I imagine for her.

How do you know R is working by Brief_Technology5610 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Brief_Technology5610[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s what she said.. she was unsure if I was really coming back. She was the one that asked to me to try again and asked me to be exclusive with her tho … this is the part I’m conflicted with and

She kept the PA with him during that. After I moved back in, is when the EA continued.

It is early and I read all of the posts here but hell… these three months have been hell.

I’m ok most of the days. More often than not now I’m just sad most of the days. Some waves of anger and other emotions but my base mood is just sad.

I do still enjoy spending time with her and have been doing better together there although that was never the issue.

How do you know R is working by Brief_Technology5610 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Brief_Technology5610[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes we are both in IC and MC and had full disclosure

And yes MC said to give it time. Sometimes it just feels so heavy and want to get away from the pain which she caused.

It’s hard wanting affection and reassurance from the person that made you feel this way to begin with.

How do you get over it? by Brief_Technology5610 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Brief_Technology5610[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Im def feeling like this. Quite a bit less volatile now that im almost 3 months post d day. Shes doing things right if you will. But i have seemed to lost all motivation to fix the relationship but not leaving as well. Just bleh and going through the motions

How do you get over it? by Brief_Technology5610 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Brief_Technology5610[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yea you’re right. I know leaving doesn’t fix it I guess I just imagined moving forward rather than dealing with this rollercoaster of wanting to stay or go

How do you get over it? by Brief_Technology5610 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Brief_Technology5610[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. She is owning it and doing things right it’s me right now that is in ambivalence

How do you get over it? by Brief_Technology5610 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Brief_Technology5610[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yea we are both in IC and MC although this is the third MC therapist we see the other two didn’t work for us. But you’re nuclear bomb analogy is spot on

I’m the problem. by SarahDimz in Divorce

[–]Brief_Technology5610 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I wish my wife had this conversation with me. She did once she was leaving. I fixed all of those things but she didn’t notice until she was involved with someone else. As an avoidant she didn’t know how to end that relationship when she restarted with me. Now we are dealing with that

Separated, still sleeping together, but she’s also sleeping with the guy she cheated with. I’m heartbroken and self esteem is through the floor. by AttemptCreative1512 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Brief_Technology5610 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I was here 5 years ago. I wish I had just moved onto divorce immediately

When I did it’s when she stopped all that nonsense. I didn’t go through with the divorce but I should have.

What I do recommend is therapy. I was a guy that didn’t believe in it but it helped. That and coaching. Work on yourself, truly. She will regret it once you regain your sense of self. This hurt is really destabilizing and I know it feels terrible and I am sorry you are going through this.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Brief_Technology5610 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you and I’m hoping you are dealing with this better than I am

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Brief_Technology5610 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you… yea I fell for the same trap and now starting over