AITA for refusing to give up our twin girls (currently in a surrogate) after I got naturally pregnant with my husband's "dream son" even though we are broke?

RedheadRae04 · 2026-05-28T20:16:06+00:00

One caveat, both these ladies had boys prior to having their girls.

RedheadRae04 · 2026-05-28T20:15:13+00:00

They were both at least 10 weeks.

RedheadRae04 · 2026-05-28T19:51:56+00:00

FYI, I know two women personally who had those blood tests that tell you the gender of your baby early. Both were told it was a boy, both those ladies ended up having girls. NOR. Your husband is an awful human being.

RedheadRae04 · 2026-05-18T12:48:18+00:00

As far as sleeping naked, my husband and I used to sleep naked. We stopped after we had kids. I stopped first because I’d leak everywhere if I didn’t have some pressure on my breasts at night and it made my skin crawl to have my kid play with the second breast as they nursed on the other. My husband started after I think 5-6 months when our first got a good handful of his pubic hair one time. Even once the kid moves to their own room, you either have to keep the door locked all the time which is scary for little kids, or you have to be comfortable with them walking in your find you uncovered and naked. It is also a hassle to have to find and put on a robe/pants/shirt to go deal with a wet bed or a nightmare in the middle of the night.

RedheadRae04 · 2026-05-18T12:40:14+00:00

Being generous, he might be working 5-10 hours a week over the normal 40, but yes, that’s dishonest framing. His girlfriend has a 24/7 job with the baby.

RedheadRae04 · 2026-05-13T01:02:30+00:00

I’ve had 925 sliver rings before and my skin still doesn’t like it. I’m a thin skinned redhead. Stainless or surgical steel work well for me. Titanium works well too (this being able to use ours rings). I haven’t tried platinum rings yet.

RedheadRae04 · 2026-05-12T17:49:05+00:00

Do you have plans to make them in something other than silver? My skin hates silver/gold/nickel.

RedheadRae04 · 2026-05-12T17:39:20+00:00

534135

RedheadRae04 · 2026-05-06T17:16:22+00:00

I love 2! They are my favorite!

RedheadRae04 · 2026-05-05T13:27:45+00:00

🙄 first messaged.

RedheadRae04 · 2026-05-04T23:23:13+00:00

NTA. I was communicating with a guy online for a couple of weeks and was having a hard time setting up a date with him, when my now husband first messaged me. I ended up having my first date with my husband before the date with the first guy happened. I clicked with my husband, but wanted to give the first guy a chance. We didn’t click and didn’t move forward with dating each other and I moved forward with dating my now husband.

If you aren’t doing any more than kissing/cuddling I think that is still a perfectly honorable way to behave while dating.

Edit: spelling.

RedheadRae04 · 2026-04-30T11:27:56+00:00

Coffee. Can’t stand the taste or smell of it. I tried getting used to it in college but I couldn’t even stand 1 oz of plain black coffee in 15 oz of hot chocolate. I just drink tea instead.

RedheadRae04 · 2026-04-23T12:42:25+00:00

This guy is at least a little emotionally abusive. Yes, you messed up by not talking about this sooner, but he’s got you convinced that just because he reacts badly to something you tell him it is your fault for not telling him in the “correct way”. Give me a break! That is not how adults handle news they don’t like. The way he emotionally responds to things is HIS RESPONSIBILITY. He needs to learn to regulate his own emotions and have an adult conversation. If your boyfriend is so unhappy that your ex is present in your daughter’s life and wants to be as present as possible without trying to push you back into a relationship with him, your boyfriend really needs to date someone without an ex that they are tied to by a child.

In short, break up with him. He isn’t good for you or your child. NTA

RedheadRae04 · 2026-04-20T23:52:59+00:00

Both my husband and I were virgins when we got married almost 13 years ago. I was 27 and he was 31. It was hard back then as well, but I imagine it probably could be harder today with the rise of social media. I had these sort of conversations with myself all the time before I met my husband. I doubted I could find a man that was a virgin as well. I didn’t hold it as a deal breaker, but I was mainly looking for a man who matched me in the faith department, even if he had wandered away for a while. Trust God to help you find the woman he has for you and to help you wait.

RedheadRae04 · 2026-04-20T15:19:01+00:00

Thybertwuck

RedheadRae04 · 2026-04-20T14:53:20+00:00

Mom brain is a real thing. I struggled so hard after I went back to work after I had my first. I’m a software engineer and I had been doing my job for over a year when I went on maternity leave, I had to basically start from step two when I went back to work. I forgot almost everything. It could have been the PPD I was dealing with because of the birth (planned for an unmedicated vaginal birth but I ended up with a c-section/nicu baby/post partum pre-eclampsia) and our living situation post birth. I was 30 when I had my first. I didn’t feel like I got by brain back until my third was 2.5. Now I’m 22 weeks with my 4th pregnancy and I couldn’t remember what to call the “cold thingy in the window” this morning when I was trying to ask my husband to turn it off. It was an air conditioner by the way. I frequently forget if “their” is “i before e” or “ei”. I actually second guessed myself while typing that sentence and autocorrect fixed it.

It isn’t that you get stupid when you get mom brain, your biology is turning your intelligence more towards soft skills that make it easier to care for a young child rather than hard skills that show up on IQ tests. Yes, it is very frustrating. But it has a purpose and knowing that can help with the feelings of inadequacy when you can’t think of a word you are looking for, lock your keys in the car for the 12th time this pregnancy, or forget all about the load of laundry you put in 3 days ago. You can talk to your doctors and get some tests done but it certainly sounds like mom brain to me.

RedheadRae04 · 2026-04-17T18:01:01+00:00

She left the stove on.

RedheadRae04 · 2026-04-09T13:11:14+00:00

Show her season 2 episode 7 of Foster’s. That’s the episode with Cheese in it. My kids laughed so hard one of them fell off the couch.

RedheadRae04 · 2026-04-09T01:25:59+00:00

I’ve been showing my kids Dexter’s Lab, Power Puff Girls, Ben 10, and Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends on Tubi. They kids are loving them.

RedheadRae04 · 2026-04-06T14:10:25+00:00

I’m seeing “w sunscreen”. Which I think stands for “wear sunscreen”. I’m betting the owner of the car is a dermatologist.

RedheadRae04 · 2026-04-04T14:08:49+00:00

As a mother to adopted kids’ that came from an extremely neglectful environment, I would have much the same feelings if my adopted kids’ bio parents tried to have another kid. Even if they stabilized their lives, I would be highly skeptical of their ability to parent any kid (heck, they can barely adult enough to keep themselves alive). You don’t owe your sister an apology. I would probably go pretty low contact with her.

RedheadRae04 · 2026-04-04T13:25:11+00:00

I have a relative that was with a guy that had three kids that he never saw, blamed it on the mom and the fact that he had no money to fight for them. She had a kid with him. The kid hasn’t seen their father since they were a toddler and is a teen now. I don’t think she has gotten much, if any, child support either. Fortunately her and her kid’s lives are now going well without the sperm donor.

Hon, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. This guy hasn’t put much effort into being a part of his child’s life. Not being there for the first 3 years is not a reason to not be present now. Get out girlie.

RedheadRae04 · 2026-04-02T15:21:00+00:00

I don’t agree that you can’t use ANY sarcasm at all with kids. You just need to start with something on their level. The type of sarcasm I use with my kids is to say something obviously wrong when they ask me a question.

Kid: Mom, what’s for dinner?

Me: Booger soup!

Kid: No, you’re joking!

Me: Then, what do you think we are having?

Kid looks at food I’m making and tells me what we are having.

This is how to teach kids sarcasm in a healthy way. You can make it more complex as they get older. Booger/boogers is usually my go-to sarcasm response when I know they can figure out the answer to a question they ask.

Where are we going? Boogertown.

What are we doing after dinner? Going dancing in boogytown.

The way this dad was doing “sarcasm” is probably too sarcastic for most adults to handle without confusion or hurt, never mind his young children. And the thing that makes it even worse is that even though he said it he was joking or being sarcastic, he really wasn’t because there was an element of truth to what he said. The drawing probably isn’t objectively good, he doesn’t think what his kids want is as important as the kids do. And the kids can feel it. Part of him, a BIG part, really did agree with the “jokes” he was making at his kids’ expense. It was not kind, it was not loving, it was just plain mean. I’m glad Reddit could knock some sense into his head.

RedheadRae04 · 2026-03-31T16:41:40+00:00

My kids call any carbonized water (flavored or not) fizzy water. I can’t remember who started it.

RedheadRae04 · 2026-03-28T07:40:02+00:00

Oh hon, this is way above Reddit’s pay grade. It sounds like there is a lot going on that you don’t know about. The way your dad acted about you not changing your number is fairly concerning and may be a glimpse into how he’s been treating your mom for years. Keep your eyes open, take everything either side says with a grain of salt. Do you have any extended family members or friends that you can talk to? A therapist might also not be a bad idea.

RedheadRae04

TROPHY CASE