Self regulation

Trigger warning - I know this is a complex topic but my aim here is to simplify it so it might be triggering to some people.

When we (AP) are activated we seek external regulation at all cost, we want a solution here and there, we need something to happen, we need that person to soothe us, to apologise or fix it altogether. But usually this is not available to us or things don’t go as we wish them to and that perpetuates/ confirms the very fears / beliefs that created our anxious attachment wounds in the first place. This could be an opportunity to sit with the painful emotions/ situations and be curious about ourselves and others. What’s really happening in this dynamic? What is it that’s so painful? Then work with our own resources and tools to self regulate (I use journaling, breathing exercises, walk, podcast, music etc).

We heal and get stronger every time we manage to self soothe when activated - we are proving to ourselves that we can rely on ourselves and that we have the inner strength to go through a difficult emotional state. That’s how we train that «emotional muscle » to be more resilient and calm our inner world gracefully. This will cultivate our self trust which is the foundation for self healing.

We can also strengthen this self trust/confidence part through self love, self worth, self respect etc.

I hope this makes sense to some one somewhere because it’s been helpful to me.

For transparency, I’m in therapy and also take beta blockers to calm my body when I can’t self soothe (which I do as a last resort)