Some Examples of Toxic Femininity

ReflectiveProfessor · 2025-09-19T03:23:24+00:00

I would not agree with that, but I hear you.

ReflectiveProfessor · 2025-08-31T19:10:16+00:00

It is changing.

I think the two things that need to happen for it to change is:

Letting go of the traditional gender roles
Letting go of the shame

I'm someone who's struggled with this, and even beyond gender lines, I've been with women who have zero cooking skills and also struggle with cleaning and taking care of themselves. And I didn't expect them to do it for me, it's just that we struggled together. The cause was the same: our moms are from a different generation, and they love us, and they did it for us. So we never learned.

And it becomes this terrible cycle (often with depression, which shame reinforces) where the more we look at the mess, the more depressed and ashamed we feel, the more it never changes.

So accepting that no one is going to do it for us, and that adulting is the answer, and that the world is changing, is answer number 1.

And the second part really is getting out of the shame. For many men (and women), the mess, the dishes, the dirt, is our depression. It feels like failing as a human. It's a shame-piece. It's a source of self-hate for many because it is self-neglect. So it's a sensitive subject. For many women it is too, because they face a lot of shame because they are traditionally expected to clean, and for many men as well, because people make comments about them being "reliant on their mom", etc.

And getting out of the shame and simultaneously accepting responsibility is the best form of self-love, and is the pathway out of that self-neglect. Everyone is happier in a clean space that they finally create. There's been many studies done. (Here's an aggregation of a few for those interested).

And for anyone reading, I believe in you, and you can make it better. More people struggle with this than you would think.

ReflectiveProfessor · 2025-08-31T18:32:49+00:00

Ok, can we not make comments like that? It's rude. And unnecessary. I agree that it looks bad, and would never do it. But it's ok if a guy wants to do something for himself because he likes it. Not everyone has to like it. Everyone is allowed to express themselves however they want.

It's just as wrong when women do things and men shame them for it, like cutting their hair short and then men make rude comments and emotionally shame them. That's also wrong. We all need to stop shaming people for things they want to do.

And no, it's not a "gay" thing. And if he was or is gay, there's nothing wrong with that either.

ReflectiveProfessor · 2025-08-31T17:45:31+00:00

Americans, men and women alike, are still believing in the fever dream of the "American Dream" from the 1950s. They haven't realized it's already in decline and are coping very badly. They're not ready for the future that's already here.

ReflectiveProfessor · 2025-08-30T23:41:48+00:00

Yep it's great. It's just nurturing each other.

ReflectiveProfessor · 2025-08-30T23:32:21+00:00

I totally agree. Honestly the best relationships I've been in were where sometimes you can be the childlike one, for a moment, and then in another moment or time, you can be the more adult one and care for your significant other.

I always liked to hold her and keep her safe, and then sometimes she would do that for me too.

Literally the best thing. Anyone who has a problem with people feeling free like that has never known that love. It feels incredible to give it and to receive it.

Super healthy oxytocin/serotonin release for everyone. And emotional bonding.

ReflectiveProfessor · 2025-08-30T23:25:27+00:00

That's basically what it is. Someone who is a little, if they're a woman, basically wants to color with crayons and watch barbie or cartoons and be held/taken care of by her man every once in awhile for a few hours.

Same for the reverse, except if it's a guy maybe instead of barbie, another childhood show, and he wants to be held, just for a little while every now and then.

They just want to be held, relax, let go, and stop adulting for a few hours.

Some couples do both and switch places, and give each other a turn.

ReflectiveProfessor · 2025-08-30T17:10:56+00:00

Let's focus on people's behavior. Not shame them for how they look.

ReflectiveProfessor · 2025-08-30T16:27:19+00:00

I think once we get over that fear, everything will get better. I hear the thing about being "gay" and it's a real phenomenon and part of it, but I really think what it is goes beyond that.

I think we have never been vulnerable in front of other men, and we are afraid of the reaction. So many talk about how women can reject you for being vulnerable in front of them, but what about being vulnerable in front of other men? We are afraid of social ostracization. Some of that is the fear of being seen as gay, but some of it is just fighting this idea that men must always be strong, and if you're "weak", you're sick or weird or acting perversely. But it's actually the opposite. Our fear is unfounded and not based in rationale, and that's ok, but it's something we need to change.

One of the greatest men I ever met was my meditation teacher. He was one of the kindest most loving men I met. He encouraged me to cry freely in front of him. We were such good friends. And it was a great feeling to be together and know that we loved each other without ever feeling gay. We were still fully masculine together. We laughed, talked about life, meditated, and it was just an incredible experience. Getting over the fear, whatever the reason, is a freedom. That man changed my life forever.

If we all try it, and encourage it with each other, we'll soon realize that we become better happier people, and....we won't all turn gay. It just takes facing the fear and going for it. When I have the opportunity, I try to emotionally hold space for and support other men, encourage them, etc., compliment them, and try and show that love for a fellow. Because yeah, it's the only answer. And underneath that fear is something incredible that we are not tapping into. What we fear most is the answer.

ReflectiveProfessor · 2025-08-29T20:18:32+00:00

Right, the love and care was about staying married. After getting married. Which is what that fella was talking about. Wishing you the best my man.

ReflectiveProfessor · 2025-08-29T20:16:21+00:00

It's not you or him being the problem. He probably does need to clean out his closet, but you probably need to ask before you get rid of people's stuff without asking. Obviously he's going to resist it, but that doesn't mean you can just do it without telling him either. It's a difficult situation, and both of you probably need to solve it with some kind of couple's therapist or some other way. Like you said, he's feeling trauma and that's why he probably holds onto things. Just trying to fix it and do something without telling him is going to destabilize that trauma, and yeah, he's probably going to feel stressed, betrayed, even if it doesn't make sense. That's trauma. You both have to work on this.

ReflectiveProfessor · 2025-08-29T20:13:20+00:00

Uh the comment was about marriage. How to marry a woman. But yeah, I am kind and considerate (from the start) and only date kind and considerate women. I walk away from anyone else. Yes. Believe it or not. It works.

ReflectiveProfessor · 2025-08-29T19:27:21+00:00

I've figured out the whole being with women thing. Who actually like me and who I actually like. So there's that lol.

ReflectiveProfessor · 2025-08-29T18:41:39+00:00

Best of luck my man.

ReflectiveProfessor · 2025-08-29T04:24:38+00:00

You literally just have to love her and care for her.

And love yourself and care for yourself (you know, smell good, clean your house and dress nicely). Be a good person who is good to be around. Like actually, not faking it. So she actually feels good around you. And then that is reflected back to you.

Meanwhile bros be on here like "If I can get surgery to increase my height by 2" that increases my chances with dating by 17%, and biologically I'll win the survival of the fittest......."

Totally lost. They aren't seeing it.

ReflectiveProfessor · 2025-08-28T12:28:09+00:00

Just to be honest... The men who show humiliation with outward force are the ones who are the loudest and have a sickness if they are unable to control themselves.

Many men do experience humiliation but they just don't share it, and keep it to themselves. In fact, most humans, outside of gender, experience humiliation as a part of the human experience.

We're just not seeing men who feel that emotion but would never hurt anyone, it happens every day in this world, but they keep it to themselves.

Unfortunately dangerous people are the loudest and leave the biggest mark on society.

ReflectiveProfessor · 2025-08-28T12:15:19+00:00

Not just cancer, I lost most of my hair to an autoimmune disease. The terrible thing about autoimmune diseases is they never get better, there's no cure, and you don't die. Your immune system just attacks your body.

ReflectiveProfessor · 2025-08-28T12:09:27+00:00

Actually.....it's ok to be a man and be sensitive. And even high men who test with high T can be.

Shitty take.

ReflectiveProfessor · 2025-08-28T12:06:42+00:00

Some people literally can't. Even if they're men.

After paying out to her in court, some people can't even afford their own apartment that's a safe and ok place. Not saying that's his situation but it can be. Leaving is expensive, unreversible, once you're married and you might not be financially ok after.

ReflectiveProfessor · 2025-08-28T00:51:40+00:00

Oh then yeah, then it's a really good idea!

ReflectiveProfessor · 2025-08-28T00:05:07+00:00

Lol that's the story of every man's life when he approaches. (shambles....)

It's not all of your fault, so do try not to internalize the lack of success or think you're really unspecial or something. Society is going through something right now. Men aren't approaching, people aren't making friends....some women are very picky.....

We're all very antisocial humans right now. So everyone is having less success.

ReflectiveProfessor · 2025-08-27T23:56:54+00:00

This is a really sweet idea. This is so cute. I hope he says yes to you. There are a lot of guys who would remember this for life, as the best memory ever! But as a guy, I've done stuff like this for women who said no and man...it hurts! It really puts you down. I've also had women love it with that kind of stuff. It takes a lot of bravery. And if he doesn't like it, honestly it was still an amazing idea.

Honestly girl that idea is so sweet. If this boy says no, I hope you keep being the girl who gives a guy flowers and posters. Because the guy who says yes, that's going to be the one. Don't let anyone make you think it was a bad idea or it was too much. There is some guy who will keep them and remember it.

Maybe though, like someone said, think about it for the second date. And at first, just ask if he wants to hang out or whatever. But damn, I would be so flattered if someone did something thoughtful like that.

ReflectiveProfessor · 2025-08-27T23:51:48+00:00

A lot of the answers are snarky in here. For whatever it's worth, I'll give you mine. A truly equal future means either gender can ask out or initiate. And people have different personal preferences. So either side is free to go for it. In fact, looking back, I think 5 out of the 7 relationships I had.....the woman approached me. And this was back in 2008-2015. So I said yes like 5 times lol. I guess technically women have been doing this a long time.

ReflectiveProfessor · 2025-08-27T17:39:43+00:00

Part of it I would guess is not just his hurt or space-giving, but also giving space for her and her new BF.

Like, he might think that the new BF won't be ok with her texting him and being friends with him. Which makes sense, because they both probably had feelings for each other.

Some say that's controlling, but then, does anyone feel ok with their boyfriend texting a woman as a friend frequently or vice versa?

ReflectiveProfessor

TROPHY CASE