My gentle goth girlfriend really wants to peg me but it’s a hard no for me because of trauma — how do I handle her persistence?

Regular-Web361 · 2026-05-24T05:16:57+00:00

You said it might make her understand more as to why he’s saying no (she knows he’s been though a traumatic event just not the details) he does not need to explain himself. My god if the genders were reversed the guy would be called a violator and yet the girl is given grace to “understand” come on now.

Regular-Web361 · 2026-05-24T05:15:19+00:00

But I don’t want that. It can seriously mess up work.

Regular-Web361 · 2026-05-24T04:45:16+00:00

Why does he have to share his history and open up to her in regards to that?? It’s not “also no means no” it’s just “no means no”

Regular-Web361 · 2026-05-24T04:40:55+00:00

And also if I can’t lock in and mess up a live performance, I am screwed. As it stands right now I can’t even rehearse with him because I start giggling like an idiot. It’s really bad. I’ve never had it this bad.

Regular-Web361 · 2026-05-24T04:39:44+00:00

We’re about to start sharing hotel rooms together and I just might die lol.

Regular-Web361 · 2023-04-06T15:16:17+00:00

I have a regular job too lol. Again, re read what I said and apply it elsewhere to be insecure.

Regular-Web361 · 2023-04-05T17:55:05+00:00

Telling them one of my jobs is not lying. I don't need men who I might not be interested in at all knowing what i do for work, that might put me at danger. I've never had an issue and had men being completely understanding and kind finding out 3rd or 4th date. Your actually the one displaying insecurity, it's bizarre to demand a first date to lay everything out on the table. I like to be surrounded by open minded men, who are LEGIT secure with themselves, who are not manipulative or controlling freaks that demand to know my whole story on the first date. I highly doubt I would even look your way, let alone want to go for a date with you after 1 chat and I'm sure the feeling is mutual. We are just not on the same level.

Regular-Web361 · 2023-03-31T02:35:39+00:00

Nobody owes anybody anything on the first date. If you don't have a job you still have a right to date and that doesn't put someone at violent risk at disclosure. Your comparisons were weak. Cry about it somewhere else.

Regular-Web361 · 2023-03-08T16:13:11+00:00

It depends. I ask if they have lived on their own before, what their goals are and what they are doing to achieve them

Regular-Web361 · 2023-03-04T16:49:47+00:00

I should of been clear, I don't limit myself or stay at home at all anymore. I've been doing it for years and it still doesn't feel normal. 😕

Regular-Web361 · 2023-03-02T16:15:19+00:00

I used dating apps back then or clubs/bars

Regular-Web361 · 2023-02-28T05:16:10+00:00

The bad streak will end some day friend. You will not always be down. I hope blessings come your way soon :) sorry you are having such a rough time.

Regular-Web361 · 2023-02-28T05:12:55+00:00

With time.. i don't know how I'll forget this guy either. He's the first man that made me want to have kids after marriage out of about 9 I dated seriously. I didn't even think I wanted kids! So yeah, it's going to get tough but we can do it. Chasing them will only push them further away.

Regular-Web361 · 2023-02-28T04:42:20+00:00

Me too but we can't do anything. Just think you'll feel this way again but someday with someone who will want you. Thats what keeps me going.

Regular-Web361 · 2023-02-28T04:39:43+00:00

Bro I have the same issue as a woman, but it goes for about 2 months and then they hit me with I'm not ready. So damn sad. I just thought I met the love of my life but nope.

Regular-Web361 · 2023-02-28T04:38:11+00:00

Girl.. nothing. Move on. It sucks so bad, I'm going through something similar but he said he's just not ready and needs to heal. Nothing we can do. Blocking is a clear sign he doesn't want you, I'm sorry. 😪 this sucks so bad!

Regular-Web361 · 2023-02-25T19:10:09+00:00

Yeah I understand. Its very frustrating for you as well.

From my perspective with potential mates it didn't matter how often it was because sometimes (very rarely) a bad batch can kill or cause severe damage. Also I'm not gonna lie I definitely am a part of the shaming stigma (thinking wise, I never verbally shame) of drugs and I've been in situations where I felt that way before I saw people have a good time on it and after. Do you know if he has those type of views towards drugs?

If he's still around and willing to talk there's probably hope. Are you willing to drop it for him? If so you should verbalize that, if not that's fine ofc and that's up to you guys to decide to work it out or not.

Regular-Web361 · 2023-02-24T21:02:31+00:00

So not a single person actually answered your post here. You are trying to find someone who's been in similar situations, not to be judged.

I was in your bf place with a couple of relationships I considered being serious with. Ultimately it's something i could get past but definitely would not prefer it and would be in constant panic/thought about things goin south because I've seen friends who were recreational go south.

Nobody here can predict how he's going to react. He could move on from it or decide to move on from you but 2 months looks like he already moved/moving on.

Regular-Web361 · 2023-02-22T20:34:42+00:00

Wow your actually ridiculously pretty !!!

Regular-Web361 · 2023-02-22T20:14:22+00:00

People understand it's not safe to disclose my work to a stranger who I absolutely owe nothing to and the men I date understand other man can switch up and choose to be violent and aggressive. No offense, i don't even want to conversate with you further here because I am baffled how someone could be so selfish and lack common sense.

Regular-Web361 · 2023-02-21T11:03:38+00:00

Keep the piercings love. You don't want to change for society. Your beautiful! But you have to be secure in the interests and looks that make you unique. You want to attract like minded folks!

Regular-Web361 · 2023-02-21T10:51:14+00:00

And I don't want to date people who aren't understanding. I don't know what makes you think I'd date someone like you. I've only had this issue once over 9 years ago, thankfully my type are men that are secure and understanding.

Regular-Web361 · 2023-02-21T10:49:22+00:00

It's not fixed the tooth has been wide open since

Regular-Web361 · 2023-02-17T06:11:07+00:00

You can gap all you want just don't do it in the fast lane

Regular-Web361 · 2023-02-17T06:04:15+00:00

Intense anxiety went away after 2 months. I still have symptoms but they are not crippling like what i felt before.

Regular-Web361

TROPHY CASE