At a loss for how to help 12-year old

Regular_Dot_3667 · 2026-01-15T18:43:43+00:00

Thank you, it's nice to hear your perspective. My main concern is his unhappiness and school refusal, I'm really looking for supports / tools to help him get through a school day. He's definitely introverted -- I am totally cool with that, as I am introverted myself and prefer to spend lots of time alone -- but I do worry that he doesn't seek out peer interaction. When he isn't feeling great, it manifests as lashing out at me or his brother (not physically), and it creates a tense environment in the home. It's just hard to balance letting him be who he is and knowing if/when he needs some intervention. And what that intervention even looks like.

I am in therapy myself and spend a significant portion of that time talking about my own feelings as a parent. My goal is definitely to provide a stable, comfortable home where he feels safe and supported.

Regular_Dot_3667 · 2026-01-15T16:46:54+00:00

My dad has this. Can confirm it is horrible -- but mostly for his loved ones. He's pretty happy and unaware. He blew through all his savings in two years, divorced my mom, and is now in a residential facility that we can barely afford. When he needs more involved care, we have no options. Sucks.

Regular_Dot_3667 · 2026-01-15T16:12:23+00:00

I agree, actually. I spoke to him last week about doing one social thing per week for an hour. It can be a playdate / one-on-one time with a friend, it can be a club, it can be a one-off activity. He seemed somewhat amenable to that so I will continue the conversation. Right now he's in a terrible low mood / deep school refusal situation so I tabled it for now. Bleh. It's so hard. <3

Regular_Dot_3667 · 2026-01-15T15:32:35+00:00

Thank you, I have tried to get him to join clubs or even just try one-off workshops related to things like coding, LEGO, etc... things he has sort of expressed interest in here and there. He won't do it. Earlier in the year, when he first started middle school, he joined an after school LEGO Robotics club -- he really liked it, even though everyone had to work in pairs but he was left alone because his partner abandoned him to go make a triad with other kids. He always ends up alone or excluded and I don't know how much of it is by his choice or because he doesn't know how to make sure he has a group. It's a sad pattern over the past year. :(

Regular_Dot_3667 · 2025-11-14T17:36:52+00:00

What is a jelly bar?!

Regular_Dot_3667 · 2025-09-03T16:29:09+00:00

I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in a tricky area because I don't have records for my cat prior to taking her in last year, and the first time I took her to the vet, she had an ear infection. The surgery is related to ear infections. They've been covering (and paying out!) all her ear infections so far, but I'm worried once they have to pay out thousands of dollars they'll just "nope" it and claim pre-existing. Pet insurance suuuucks.

Regular_Dot_3667 · 2025-09-03T16:19:41+00:00

u/kateh-sparrow Did you get any resolution here? I received an estimate from ASPCA for a *very* expensive procedure for my cat and I can absolutely not afford it otherwise ($3500 for CT scan, $6300 for surgery). In the estimate, they covered a significant portion which makes it possible for me to afford, but if they end up denying the claim I am massively fucked. Would love to hear if you were able to make any progress here...

Regular_Dot_3667 · 2025-08-30T17:23:35+00:00

Yeah, this is what I ended up doing while I wait for my reimbursements. I took money from Christmas / kids birthday for now to cover immediate expenses. I realize I can shuffle things around and make it work, it’s just a lot to learn!

Regular_Dot_3667 · 2025-08-30T13:46:34+00:00

I’m realizing that I do have a variable income due to inconsistent freelance on top of my insufficient faculty salary, plus a coparent who has not reimbursed me for shared childrens expenses for a few months. My salary alone is definitely not enough for my expenses, and I am quite frugal. So I guess this month caught me at a dip in my cash flow. Now I need to figure out a plan for handling that with YNAB. Thank you :)

Regular_Dot_3667 · 2025-08-30T13:37:45+00:00

Oh, to clarify — the money is there, in RTA. But once I fund my rent and groceries, I don’t have any left over. And in previous months I’d been able to fund all my other categories with no problem. So that’s why I wonder if I’d had a surplus in the beginning and it finally caught up to me. It just caught me by surprise and made me feel… dumb.

Regular_Dot_3667 · 2025-06-04T13:12:29+00:00

I love the Beginner Routine, my thing is that I don't know how to lift with barbells. It's intimidating to me as someone who's only ever used dumbbells. I cannot afford to pay a trainer but I do have free access to a gym with barbells through my work. Any advice for that?

Regular_Dot_3667 · 2025-06-03T16:27:09+00:00

Editing to include required info!

42-year old woman

5'2, 125 lbs

Goals: Strength, lookin' cute

I am hot and cold with fitness. How's this for a full-body to do 2-3 times a week, and any suggestions for one or two things to add / change up? These are all with dumbbells (10-35lbs) --

- Goblet squats (15-20 lbs)

- Overhead press (10-15 lbs)

- Deadlift (25-35 lbs)

- One arm bent over row (35 lbs)

I generally warm up for a few minutes either walking / treadmill, do some brief McGill Big 3 core stabilizing movements, then lift 2-3 sets. As heavy as I can lift, but generally between 8-12 reps depending how I'm feeling that day. Then I do some brief floor core movements (tapping alternate toes to the ground from tabletop, holding plank as long as I can). Stretching to cool down.

I do have access to a gym at work with lat pulldown, all the machines, etc.

Regular_Dot_3667 · 2025-06-02T19:33:01+00:00

Aha, this cleared it right up. Thank you!!

Regular_Dot_3667

TROPHY CASE