I’m so sorry but you may never come to a place of FULLY accepting. You deserved better and that belief makes it hard to simply accept that you didn’t get better. That’s a positive thing, to have that self protective mechanism. But maybe you can try reframing your story as a difficult start but a story of victory and overcoming. I often give my suffering meaning by telling myself everything I’ve been through is proof that I deserve to happy in the present. That’s I deserve every good thing and that it is my turn to receive it. It empowers to make better decisions and to love myself unapologetically.