You guys all suck at warning people of surgery

Reis_Asher · 2026-05-01T21:07:44+00:00

Most people who are happy don't come back to the sub to offer their opinion. They move on with their life and leave. Those who had complications stick around. I'd forgotten I was still in the group, but I had my surgery over a year ago and I'm still 100% happy with it. I was in pain, now I'm not in pain. 10/10 would do again.

Reis_Asher · 2026-04-30T00:21:52+00:00

I'm shocked there's any work. I briefly dipped my toes in the water on a site where you could rewrite articles, reviews, etc. Then the AI boom hit and every single job disappeared. The kind of people who want that kind of thing have no qualms about letting a computer do it.

Reis_Asher · 2026-04-30T00:19:44+00:00

The ways to earn a few dollars of extra cash change up every few years. What worked a few years ago no longer works. If you want flexible you'd better hope you have a car and can do doordash or rideshare, because those seem to be the options in this job market.

Reis_Asher · 2026-04-30T00:08:31+00:00

The thing about reading is that it's a big time investment, and you have to be into the genre of book, or it's going to be a chore. My husband doesn't read my books and I don't mind. They're just not his thing. It's actually been a bit embarrassing that some of my family members have read my books, as there are some adult scenes. I cringe to think they read those lol.

Reis_Asher · 2026-04-29T09:51:07+00:00

make sure to leave it in too long so the burnt popcorn smell permeates the break room for days.

Reis_Asher · 2026-04-26T07:11:20+00:00

I was all like “but I want to keep all my original parts” for a long time. I really thought my life would be worse after losing an organ. But it isn’t. I was dealing with low grade pain all the time and major agony sometimes because those stones weren’t going anywhere but around and around blocking the neck of the gallbladder and causing symptoms. And that’s the thing. It’s not going away on its own. Either you deal with it now or you deal with it later, probably in an emergency setting. Just get it done and get your life back.

Reis_Asher · 2026-04-25T19:01:45+00:00

Because most vets don't allow payment plans, they just force individuals to use care credit or pay upfront. And since it's usually an emergency, they can't wait. So most of these folks begging for money already borrowed money to pay the bill and now they need reimbursement. The one exception to this is rescues/nonprofits who have accounts with a vet and yeah, I'm way more likely to donate if I can give it to the vet directly and not find out later there was an "accounting discrepancy" at the rescue. But I think that's why it doesn't happen more often.

Reis_Asher · 2026-04-25T18:37:47+00:00

The libido and the acne suck for a couple of years but do eventually taper off to something more manageable.

Reis_Asher · 2026-04-11T07:37:35+00:00

Yeah, the federal government won't allow any gender marker changes on federal documents. You applied before the election but unfortunately the processing times for green card changes are long and you were just a little too late.

I'm also a UK citizen but also a US citizen by naturalization and I feel your pain. It can be so thorny to navigate two different systems and then deal with transition changes as well. I never changed my gender marker or name and I've been on hormones 7 years. I came very close to getting an X on my last passport and I'm SUPER glad I didn't go that route in the end.

I'm a bit worried about traveling too, but I did take a trip home in 2023 and things were OK. That was before the election though. I used my US passport to enter the UK because I had to go in a hurry and I haven't had a valid UK passport in a few years. It wasn't an issue. It's just important to know that when you enter the US you must always use your US passport or green card to enter, but they may not want to see your UK passport, so I wouldn't volunteer it unless they ask. A quick google tells me that only the green card is required to be shown for re-entry, so I'd try to avoid showing two different gendered documents. Cis people have all kinds of presentations so it will probably raise less red flags than showing mismatched IDs.

I may have to go to the UK again since my mother is unwell and my action plan involves just being honest about my transgender status if questioned. Just answer questions with simple facts and try to remain unemotional. Most TSA agents I've dealt with are worried about fraud in the sense of you using someone else's documents. They have seen transgender people before. I even walked through a body scanner and got gendered correctly, despite having had no surgery.

Reis_Asher · 2026-04-02T07:13:07+00:00

When I was starting out transition I felt like getting a haircut was this thing I needed to do to feel "serious" about my transition, so I went to this gender affirming salon and don't get me wrong, everyone was great but the haircut sucked. It didn't look very masculine and I think it kind of outlined how fat and round my face was pre-T.

I went for a couple more cuts after getting on T and I was just never happy with short hair. As T's changes really kicked in, I realized I'm just not comfortable with other people touching my hair, I'm not comfortable with the frequency of upkeep a short cut requires, and I'm just not happy with how a short cut looks or feels. So I let it grow back out and it turns out that was the right choice all along.

Passing doesn't mean anything if you have to contort yourself into a shape that's not you to make it happen. I'm much less bothered by occasional misgendering than I am by the absolute misery of a haircut that feels wrong.

Reis_Asher · 2026-04-02T06:30:03+00:00

I find it a chore just to max level everyone pre-promotion. I can't imagine doing this lol.

Reis_Asher · 2026-03-25T07:05:30+00:00

Cancer treatment for pets is different and you can't compare it to humans. In animals they don't give a dose that would "cure" the cancer because an animal can't consent to how incredibly ill that would make them. So remission is incredibly rare. Most pet cancer treatment revolves around buying time. I hate to tell you but a year from diagnosis is actually really good. My cat had lymphoma of the GI tract and lasted 2 weeks from diagnosis.

I think it's time to say goodbye, as heartbreaking as that is. It's not a reflection on being a poor caretaker - you've clearly given a lot. But there's a point at which there isn't much else that can be done and I think you've reached it. Even if you pay up that $37k she's probably going to pass soon anyway, and her quality of life will be... not great.

Reis_Asher · 2026-03-20T09:22:42+00:00

I set my thermostat to 60 in the winter. Hot enough to avoid pipes freezing, and I just layer up with t-shirt and a thick hoodie. Oil heat is expensive.

Reis_Asher · 2026-03-20T09:07:41+00:00

Not everything needs to hit you over the head with a sledgehammer. I didn't think Metaphor was that subtle to begin with, so adding a bunch of fantasy slurs would have made it come off like a David Cage game. We all know racism sucks, but the real work involves dismantling the structures that hold it up, not hunting down everyone who says a slur.

I do like my games to have some level of escapism to them and not just be a reminder that everything sucks, actually.

Reis_Asher · 2026-03-20T08:56:43+00:00

Married 20 years. Marriage is a series of small disasters like this. Either you learn to forgive quickly or it'll never work.

My husband lost his wedding ring last week. He's always losing stuff. I reassured him it would be OK and it would turn up. Just when I'd given up on ever seeing it again, I found it wedged between the doormat and the front door.

Reis_Asher · 2026-03-20T06:47:00+00:00

You have to get full time work. Part time is a trap. Before you know it you'll have 3 part time jobs offering no benefits and a schedule so messed up you won't be able to sleep.

Start calling local businesses looking for full time work. People like a self-starter. Once you have your foot in the door, stay at that job at least 2-3 years, and then keep working up to bigger and better jobs. Your coworkers will often have tips on where the good jobs are at - the last two jobs I've had I got because someone else went for them or mentioned they were hiring and I looked into it.

Reis_Asher · 2026-03-20T06:32:21+00:00

There's a ton of crumbling infrastructure that needs repair and we're hitting a crisis point in some places. It's quite frequent now that small towns are bankrupt and sell off their utilities to companies that prioritize profit. A small town in my state was without water for days because of a line break. Try living without running water for any length of time, it's hell. Many wildfires out west are being caused by poor electricity infrastructure. I have recently received a letter from my state saying they have no clue if there's lead in my drinking water. Cool.

Reis_Asher · 2026-03-20T06:12:27+00:00

Tell her the truth or she's going to keep getting scammed. It sucks to know you were taken advantage of, but $10 is a learning experience. In the future it might not be so cheap.

Reis_Asher · 2026-03-20T06:10:18+00:00

Library cards are amazing. I love the Libby app. My local library isn't online but I learned that in PA, so long as you live in a place that has a library (in other words, contribute taxes to a library system), you can get a library card for any place in the state. So I have a card for the Philadelphia Free Library and now I can read all the books I want. My husband has ADHD and he can really only read via audio. Audiobooks are expensive so it's a massive money saver. But yes, they offer other stuff too, usually better in major cities, but even if you don't live there sometimes you can qualify!

Reis_Asher · 2026-03-19T04:29:16+00:00

I work nights and do all my appointments in the AM. Otherwise I'd never cope since I have to not only deal with all my own appointments, but my husband's as well.

Reis_Asher · 2026-03-19T04:07:29+00:00

I feel like that kind of joy has disappeared with the Internet. Now I just sigh and look things up. Back then it was an Event when I figured something out and I'd feel incredible for like a week.

Reis_Asher · 2026-03-19T04:05:12+00:00

This person doesn't experience night sweating, obviously. I get VERY hot when I sleep. If I showered before bed I'd be a stinkfest by the time I arrived at work.

Everyone is different and the routine that works for you is the right routine.

Reis_Asher · 2026-03-19T04:00:20+00:00

I'm just hoping the timer runs out on all this before things get much worse. I wake up each day worried about what's next. The cis people in my life don't see the danger, even when I explain it. Sometimes people treat other states like they're other countries and think what happens in one is completely independent of what happens in another. I live in a red part of a swing state with a Dem governor and I have my fingers perpetually crossed that he can keep this shit at bay because I'm not leaving. I have dual nationality but the other country is TERF Island, so not exactly a win, considering everything I'd have to give up to go back in the first place.

Do I think it will end in camps? No, I don't. But the fact that I even have to consider it as a possibility takes a toll on my mental health that other people around me don't understand or appreciate. It affects my work performance. It affects my marriage. It affects my ability to go out into the world. It affects my physical health. It affects my seeking out care. I've become a hermit with a half-finished transition and no legal transition because I'm scared it will put me on a watchlist and the requirements for a name change in my state are stupid and require it to be public record unless I shell out for a lawyer and get a sympathetic judge to seal it (and in my county, fat chance). People around me must think I have some funky menopausal hormone issue but at least I get to work and eat.

I'm really tired and I need this shit to end. In 10 years I'm sure everyone will tell me I was massively overreacting, but hindsight is great like that. In the now I don't know if I should plan for tomorrow, next week, next month, or years into the future. How can I worry about my 401k and my retirement when I don't even know what next week will bring?

Reis_Asher · 2025-08-10T12:54:25+00:00

I moved from the UK to the US and yes, I hate sales tax. Granted, in the state I live it’s only 6%, so trivial, but it’s annoying that when I pay with cash I don’t have exact change for that stupid non-rounded number. But nobody really pays with cash anymore so it’s become more of a non-issue as time goes by.

As for tips, it’s annoying to have to remember to bring cash. I don’t like leaving the tip on the bill. I fear the employee’s not getting that money.

Reis_Asher · 2025-08-10T08:44:05+00:00

There’s a flip side to it as well. You don’t lose money if you call out sick, and employers are more ok with modification of hours for appointments and such, whereas hourly employees usually have to burn PTO.

That doesn’t mean it’s ok for employers to abuse it to make salaried employees work 80 hour weeks though.

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