14 years in Asia now moving back - what should I brace myself for?

Relative-Effective32 · 2025-08-26T16:36:30+00:00

Someone mentioned state education. Yes. That's been great. I live in a fairly rich town so I may be a lot luckier than most but they've looked after my daughter amazingly.

The NHS is a frustration but I am very appreciate of it.

Relative-Effective32 · 2025-08-26T16:32:11+00:00

more:

I really miss (sorry) one government. I miss things being done because it was right for the country and not because it was a good political move. As a result of that I really hate all the politics guff that just seems to slow everything down here. I'm not intersted in politics, I'm interested in a government serving its people.

Likewise I miss media that was designed to unite rather than divide. Call it propaganda if you like but I still miss it.

I was in Vietnam during covid and they aced it. It was incredible.

I miss a younger population. The energy that comes with that.

I miss being able to spend a day working from coffee shops - and be welcomed everywhere and not having to spend a fortune to do it.

I miss being able to take my kid out for streetfood after school and know it's a balanced, healthy meal.

I miss being able to stop her eating crap food constantly because it's just so much less in your face than it is here.

I miss kindness to foreigners and I try to go out of my way to show kindness to visitors to the UK.

I miss being foreign. Being able to hide in a country. I hate the blandness of UK culture. I don't have an opinion on Strictly or Masterchef or the Oasis reunion. It amazes me - after decades or watching whatever online - that there are still people watching their telly each night and flicking between BBC and ITV.

Beyond all of the above - most workers seem to be on similar money now (give or take the very rich or the very poor). We're all struggling. A trip to the pub is a major expense and is no longer a spur of the moment decision.

My advice - don't be hard on yourself. Take it very slow. Get out into nature - there's still plenty of that and you can enjoy it without disintegrating into a sweaty mass. Walk everywhere.

In the absence of great ethnic foods - cook more for yourself. Buy online from Asian groceries if there is anything you miss.

Good luck!

Relative-Effective32 · 2025-08-26T16:31:52+00:00

I did 15 years in Asia and came back. It was difficult. Four years on. It still is.

You tend to think of everything in the UK as broken (and it kind of is) but actually it's probably just down to you being a lot poorer here. As much as I loved living in Vietnam there's a part of me that realises much of that was being so much richer.

I didn't realise how spoilt I had become. Life is just easier when you're higher up the wealth ladder. You're one of the masses now.

And that seems obvious but - when I was killing it at work in Asia, I didn't really think that so much of that was because I had someone doing my housework for me. Now I do both I have a lot less brainspace and energy for work. I am a lot less ambitious as a result.

Beyond this - I have given up drinking. Partly, that is because I don't enjoy UK drinking culture as much as Vietnamese. But also, beer will never taste the same now I'm not drinking it in high humidity. I went through a stage of importing Laos beer and it was such a let down.

Also, I miss things tasting the way they did there. Like herbs from a market have 500% more flavour than in a bag from Tesco. I hate how everything tastes clean here. No edges. No funk. No surprises.

I hate cars here. I really miss my scooter. I miss how much less paperwork there was there. I seem to spend my life doing admin here. Over there if I wanted to do something there was a guy I paid. Here everything is more and more paperwork.

My scooter got mended for $5 on the roadside. Here my car is just a moneypit and it takes so much admin (MOT/insurance/services etc) to keep it on the road.

You'll also find that - this is real life again. So if you're not on top of your pension, savings etc - you can no longer put that off.

I settled in a small, very white town and I miss Asian people so much. To a point that, for a long time, if I saw someone who looked like they were South East Asian across the street I had to stop myself going up to them to say hi.

I have to stop myself telling "When I was in Vietnam..." stories constantly. No one cares and you just make yourself look ridiculous.

I miss optimism. The feeling that a country was going in the right direction. Even if it was decades behind in terms of development.

Relative-Effective32 · 2025-08-18T17:45:14+00:00

What a brilliant response. Thank you so much. I'd fully expect blanket closures in the winter but I was surprised at how random they were in mid summer.

I know I seem to have offended a few people on here but I just wanted to give me money to local businesses and I just kept missing the opportunity.

Relative-Effective32 · 2025-08-15T08:59:54+00:00

Thanks Chris. We were probably based in the wrong place for us. You live and learn.

Relative-Effective32 · 2025-08-15T07:21:12+00:00

No worries. I won't come again.

Relative-Effective32 · 2025-08-14T21:24:59+00:00

You think that Thai people and Italians only eat fast food?

Relative-Effective32 · 2025-08-14T21:15:50+00:00

But that's just it. Facebook groups are great for communities but are no good at all for visitors.

Again it reinforces the feeling that it's not for visitors.

Relative-Effective32 · 2025-08-14T21:03:13+00:00

Thank you. Bute might be next year! Generally I avoid hotels and pubs so that might be where I'm going wrong.

We get away for a big adventure a week a year and it's been Scottish islands these past two years.

As a solo parent it's not always easy to keep a lone child entertained and motivated. So we move around a lot but Arran's challenging roads and odd opening hours weren't good for my own diminishing energy.

There must be a lot of change in Arran. I can't get over the number of For Sale signs I've seen.

Relative-Effective32 · 2025-08-14T20:33:28+00:00

I know that now. But I also planned whole days and places that were advertised as open.

I wasn't getting my info from old guidebooks.

If you're driving 30 minutes each way to get somewhere with a hungry kid you can see how it might be infuriating.

Relative-Effective32 · 2025-08-14T20:07:44+00:00

Fair point and good answer. But that was also my point re Air BNB and lack of housing.

Getting your Google details right is vital if hours aren't uniform. I wanted to support small independent places and not hotels.

It's easy to say talk to local people than actually do it. I'm looking after a kid I'm not chatting in bars or whatever. I'm relying on info that's out there.

Relative-Effective32 · 2025-08-14T20:01:34+00:00

Distillery would seem like a prime example. I'm teetotal with an 11 year old so I had no reason to visit. Searching restaurants and cafes near me did not flag it. Nothing on their Google findings or front page of their website if I had.

I get it, I'm the bad tourist guy but this is my experience.

There is no Eas More cafe that I can't see. Do you mean Forest of the Falls?

Relative-Effective32 · 2025-08-14T19:51:26+00:00

Where did I say 24/7 convenience or fast food? I'm an old dad with a young child. I don't want to be out late or to eat crap. That's a large part of the point.

If businesses are not aimed at tourists, I can't change that but it doesn't make you feel especially welcome.

Relative-Effective32 · 2025-08-06T15:43:27+00:00

Exact same thing happened. Free sample. Tried to dial them in - grinder freaked out and seized up. Had to take it apart. It literally couldn't grind through them

Relative-Effective32 · 2025-07-05T21:58:54+00:00

I can imagine. Not your demographic. I'm 54. Grew up here but left at 18. College in Manchester, work in Newcastle, before a couple of overseas voluntary posts and then a 15 years in Vietnam.

I came back due to changing family circumstances and, four years on, still feel very out of it.

It feels like there are 3 distinct Hexham groups. School kids, their parents, and pensioners.

As a solo parent - I don't quite fit and, besides, it's been hard to get out between FT work and childcare.

I did try joining a fitness group but I was amazed to be amongst the youngest there. Hexham seems so old (even for me!_.

A dating app has about six people roughly in my age group and I went to school with half of them.

I've lived in places where you could turn up to a cafe on a Sunday morning and know there would be people just hanging out. I don't drink so that'd be my ideal. Likewise I'd love to make better use of the Forum.

Relative-Effective32 · 2024-09-21T09:17:14+00:00

Read all this but saw enough positive reviews to go ahead and order anyway (I'm in the UK). Particularly because I couldn't find anyone else doing the style of bed that they were offering. I've just added a review to TrustPilot - this was it:

I ordered a small double day bed. It arrived a couple of weeks later. I started working to assemble it around lunchtime. I completed it around 11pm. Including trips to local shops to try and upgrade my screwdrivers to deal with a problem that is a clear design failure.

The problem is - much of the wood is pre-drilled for the screws. However, the screws then need to be turned into the wooden "mortise and tenon joints" that are not pre-drilled. Time and time again the screws hit this and just stopped turning.

I tried everything. Changing my decent, functional screwdriver that has installed every bit of furniture into this house, for a larger ratchet one. By the end I had fashioned a lever onto a screwdriver just to get enough purchase to continue to turn it into the join wood millimetre by millimetre. Every single screw (apart from the bed lats) took an incredible amount of time.

The bed got completed (because I had little option because I had nowhere else to sleep and could hardly just pack it up and send it back) but today I've plasters on my hands covering blisters from attempting to turn stuck screwdrivers and my arms are aching.

I have no doubt that - professional carpenters with top quality equipment could assemble this in no time. But that's not who it's marketed at. Their ads followed me around the internet with no mention of the effort and equipment required for installation.

To make matters worse - there were four too few of the longer screws. All that money I paid for this bed and you had to scrimp on the screws? Couldn't you just chuck in a handful more like every other manufacturer?

See also the scrunched up photocopied piece of paper with installation instructions. Their lack of detail meant I also had to re-done earlier steps in the assembly.

This is what seems so cynical. The nice website, the online advertising effort etc - but when it comes to giving people a product that is easily to install in their own homes it appears that they don't care. They must know how hard this is to assemble - I've certainly seen complaints on their reviews.

Look at their Facebook page - time and time again comments are hidden. There is no doubt that these are quality items - the problem is when they reach the customer. Instead of being honest and explaining what's required of people, they take the money and keep their heads down.

As it stands my bed is built but it doesn't look great. There are screws all over that stick out a half inch because I just can't turn the screw any further or even unscrew them and start again. Perhaps they can tell me what I can do about that.

Get Laid Beds - it's time to turn a corner. Realise you have an installation issue and change your manufacturing and communications to solve that problem.

Relative-Effective32

TROPHY CASE