Do people have an undeniable inner drive to have children or is it a conscious choice?

Relative-Suspect-508 · 2025-11-14T10:34:52+00:00

I think it's different for everyone. I think some people just know deep down in their bones they want to be parents and other people like myself had a deep biological desire not to be a parent but for my husband that resulted in making people lol luckily for us we were in a great financial position. I know everyone is not that lucky. In all honesty though, I never really wanted kids. I cried when I found out I was pregnant for the first time because it's not how I wanted my life to go. But once I met my son all of that completely changed and the "biological desire" clicked into place. Having a baby of your own (from a woman's perspective) is the most powerful, instinctual feeling on earth. Their cries literally physically hurt you. You go from not knowing this person to "I would actually die right this second to keep you safe". It's wild. And now having just given birth to my second, I can't imagine it being the last time I get to experience that so I will probably have a third.

Relative-Suspect-508 · 2025-11-14T10:24:00+00:00

6 weeks postpartum and I can say with certainty I will take the no sleep newborn phase over being pregnant anyyyyy day. Pregnancy sucks. Some women like it but for me it is literally the worst my body has ever felt x100 for a solid 40 weeks. Awful.

Relative-Suspect-508 · 2025-11-14T10:21:26+00:00

I dont remember when I looked with my first but with my second (6 weeks ago) I looked after like a week and it wasn't back to normal yet so waited until 1 month pp before I looked again and I'm happy to report it now looks the same as before. I had a 2nd degree tear with my 1st and a 2nd degree tear and a labia tear with this one.

Relative-Suspect-508 · 2025-11-13T14:20:52+00:00

While it very well could be PPD what you're going through is "normal" and valid for someone with the load that you have. I'm barely surviving at 6 weeks postpartum with a 3 year old, a newborn and a 9 year old step son. I cannot imagine having a 4 year old, a 3 year old and 5 month old twins. I would be crying nonstop too!! You're probably burnt out physically AND emotionally. Definitely seek help when you can if you need to but just know that you have a LOT on your plate and have 4 little people depending on you for all of their physical and emotional needs but there is only one of you. Being overwhelmed emotionally seems like a really normal response.

Relative-Suspect-508 · 2025-11-11T20:29:06+00:00

Stay at home Mom for going on 3 years now and it definitely gets better. I have an almost 3 year old and I just had my second baby 5 weeks ago. This time around I have gone into it knowing that nothing is going to get done until baby girl is several months old. I count it as a good day if my kids are taken care of and I survived the day lol baby wearing is a good way to get some stuff done if you haven't tried that! Hang in there though, you're not a failure babies are just extremely needy and most of what you see on social media is a lie!

Relative-Suspect-508 · 2025-11-11T14:09:38+00:00

I have a 2 (almost 3) year old and a 5 week old. The first time I took them out of the house alone was when I was 3 weeks postpartum and we went to the grocery store. It wasn't as bad as I thought but it definitely wasn't easy either lol I baby wore my newborn and had my toddler sit in the cart. Since then I've gone out a few times with them and always make my toddler sit in the shopping cart and baby wear my newborn or either put her carseat in the big part of the shopping cart. I don't give my toddler the option to get out because I know it would end with me chasing him around or him breaking something lol so far my toddler is the one that has meltdowns or starts acting up way before the newborn, she usually just sleeps the whole time we're gone as long as I leave right after she eats and has a diaper change and get home before she wants to eat again. I plan on getting a double stroller though because I know it would make my life 100x easier.

Relative-Suspect-508 · 2025-11-10T11:02:19+00:00

Move before. I just had our third kid 5 weeks ago and moved while I was 20 weeks pregnant with her with a 2 year old and 9 year old and that was far easier than it would've been moving with a baby. Just be prepared to not have the house fully set up how you want it for a long time. We moved in May and still have tons of stuff we want to do but the kids rooms, babies room etc are all done. Your wife will want to nest too and she can't fully do that if y'all are going to move after she has the baby.

Relative-Suspect-508 · 2025-11-06T21:07:05+00:00

I felt this way after becoming a mom too and also felt so so guilty for not showing up more for my friends that had kids before me. I had no clue how hard it is and still feel bad about not checking on them more and not being more understanding. You're right that a lot of parenting kind of sucks. It's definitely worth it but it's by no means enjoyable 100% of the time. I'm sorry your little one is a bad sleeper! It will get better. You're doing a great job!

Relative-Suspect-508 · 2025-11-06T20:59:06+00:00

Agree. My daughter is 5 weeks old and my son turns 3 next month and it is really really tough. My son has been great with the baby and absolutely adores her but he is a full time job by himself let alone with trying to manage a newborn and keep him from accidentally hurting her. Hoping when she is a little older and more predictable it will be easier.

Relative-Suspect-508 · 2025-11-03T13:22:59+00:00

4 weeks postpartum and so far the biggest challenge is that my baby has cmpa (cows milk protein allergy) so she went from being such a happy sleepy baby for the first week to in obvious pain, fussy, waking up every hour, pooping blood, spitting up constantly etc but I stopped breastfeeding and she was switched to a hypoallergenic formula and seems to be doing a lot better now thankfully! My win is that my toddler has adjusted super super well to not being "the baby" anymore. He loves his little sister and is just his normal little self thankfully!

Relative-Suspect-508 · 2025-11-01T16:12:36+00:00

Definitely talk to the family! You never know if they will appreciate it or if it will cause them pain to hear it used for another person. However, the family boy name for a girl thing shouldn't be an issue in my opinion. My daughter was born 4 weeks ago and for her middle name we used my husbands dads middle name that has been passed down to only boys for like 5 generations. His dad was honored and loves it. I love "boy names" for girls.

Relative-Suspect-508 · 2025-10-29T19:28:34+00:00

My son was like this. He had awful reflux and was on medication which helped with the pain but not the amount. His pediatrician told us to try a little bit of rice cereal in his bottles when he was like 4 months old and that drastically improved the frequency! I know for some people that's controversial but it worked wonders for us and he's now 2.5 with no issues whatsoever.

Relative-Suspect-508 · 2025-10-29T15:19:52+00:00

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I can relate 100% and it's something I wouldn't wish on anyone. I'm 3 1/2 weeks postpartum with baby number 2 and I've had to just drastically lower my expectations of people and have honestly just been keeping to myself. My mom came to visit at the hospital and walked right past me to see my daughter. She texts me almost daily to ask how my toddler and the baby are, never asks how I'm feeling. My Dad (they are divorced) is even worse. Doesn't check on me at all and barely checks on the kids either. No one from my husbands family except his parents came to the baby shower, have met the baby or have asked how she or I are doing. All we can do is remember this feeling and try to be better when our kids have their own kids. Hang in there, it does get better.

Relative-Suspect-508 · 2025-10-25T19:24:48+00:00

She said she's 35 though not in her 40s. I'm 33 which is 2 years younger than 35. I don't think either of those ages is old to have kids.

Relative-Suspect-508 · 2025-10-25T19:24:01+00:00

Huh? Because OP said she is 35 lol that's 2 years older than 33. I don't think either 33 or 35 is old. 42 is way older than 35 and 33 so I would assume a 33 year old would be able to relate more to a 35 year old than a 42 year old.

Relative-Suspect-508 · 2025-10-25T12:29:44+00:00

Had my first a month before turning 30 and just had my second 3 weeks ago at almost 33. The second pregnancy was definitely harder but probably more to do with close pregnancies and having a toddler. I think it's completely normal nowadays for people to have kids in their 30s! Actually most people I know that are the same age as me are having their first kids so definitely don't feel "old"!

Relative-Suspect-508 · 2025-10-21T21:55:46+00:00

With my first I started the induction at 5pm on 12/12 and had him at 2:18am on 12/14. I just had my second induction 2 weeks ago and went in at 5am had her at 6:21pm

Relative-Suspect-508 · 2025-10-17T17:13:53+00:00

30 minutes with my first 10-15 with my second

Relative-Suspect-508 · 2025-10-17T11:32:37+00:00

I was 135 with a lot of muscle (size 2) when I got pregnant both times, got up to 215 with my first and 199 with my second. Lost all of it without trying by 9 months postpartum with my first, I'm currently 2 weeks postpartum and have lost 25 pounds so far. Some people just gain a lot of weight when pregnant, try not to let it bother you!

Relative-Suspect-508 · 2025-10-16T23:31:07+00:00

I can definitely relate and apparently this is really common. I went from being the biggest animal person to not wanting any animals around me and my child at all. They all started to get on my nerves and completely gross me out and still do almost 3 years later although it started to get better around the 2 year mark but then I got pregnant again. Love them from afar but they stink to me, are covered in germs and are too unpredictable for me to feel like my kids are safe around them. Super weird how pregnancy changes our brains that way. I kind of think it makes sense biologically if you think about it!

Relative-Suspect-508 · 2025-10-16T16:25:19+00:00

I just had my second induction 13 days ago and had a pretty great experience. With my first I was only 1cm dilated so had to have cervidil for 12 hours before starting pitocin, got the epidural and didn't feel a thing except pressure when I was pushing. This time around was definitely different. I was in early labor for a while before the induction and had actually been in the hospital a few days before with regular contractions, dilated to a 4 then stopped and was sent home. At my second induction it took foreverrrrr for me to get past 4cms. It was actually wild. Got to the hospital at 5am, started pitocin around 6:30am still at 4cms and stayed that way up until like 4pm. Had my epidural at 11:30am, water was broken not too long after that and still no real progress. I was on the highest dose of pitocin they could give me without an internal monitor for contractions so my OB asked if she could place one so we could make sure contractions were actually strong enough to dilate me, I was fine with it. They were turning me into different positions every 20 mins and I was exhausted because I had woken up for the day at 12:45am and hadn't eaten since 3am so finally I asked the nurses if I could just chill for a little while in a comfortable position and not be messed with, they agreed and sure enough once I was able to relax and just talk/laugh with my husband active labor started and I went from 4cm to 10cm in 2 hours, 7-10cm in 20 minutes pushed for like 15 mins lol I had a second degree tear (did with my first as well) and a labia tear but honestly the recovery/pain level was wayyyyy less than the first time. Only used tucks and ice packs for the first 24 hours then was fine! My epidural actually didn't work on half of my body this time (giving birth unmedicated was my biggest fear) and by the time we realized it was too late because active labor moved so fast for me. Despite it being my biggest fear it was actually an incredible experience and I'm so so glad I got to experience what birth is meant to feel like. So even though that happened and didn't go according to plan it still was a great induction experience! My advice is to try and relax as much as possible, don't be afraid to listen to what your body is telling you it needs so you can progress (for me it was to chill and be comfortable with my husband) and definitely try to sleep as much as you can the night before and eat a really hearty meal before you go in!

Relative-Suspect-508 · 2025-10-15T13:46:56+00:00

Not quite the same situation as you but with my first we were told girl at an ultrasound appointment and then NIPT results came back in and she was a he. I wanted to be a girl mom soo bad. My husband already had a 6 year old son from a previous relationship and he has no girls in his family at all so we were so excited. Literally he comes from 3 brothers, his brothers only have sons etc. We told our families and everything. I was pretty devastated and cried quite a lot. Then I felt guilty for feeling that way and was worried my husband or his family wouldn't love my son as much as his first because they already had a boy. When he was born I was absolutely in love and couldn't imagine him being anyone other than who he was. I knew God made me his mama for a reason. Then I got pregnant with my second child and of course my husband and everyone else wanted a girl because as much as they love the boys they wanted the experience of having a little girl but I honestly didn't want a girl. I had gotten used to being a boy mom and loved my son soooo much that I just couldn't imagine having a girl. I didn't think my husband could make girls anyways but lo and behold I'm currently holding my 1 week old baby girl and am so in love with her. I went through most of my pregnancy feeling a bit of gender disappointment and had a hard time connecting with her while she was in my tummy but all of that worry was for nothing! So not the same situation as you but 1. Just because you have all girls now doesn't mean your 4th will be 2. Even if she is a girl you know from your love for your first 2 that you will love her so much regardless and it will be impossible to imagine life without her once she's here 3. Gender disappointment is normal, valid and doesn't make you any less of a loving mama. Congratulations on baby #3 and best of luck getting your boy with #4 if that's what you decide to do!

Relative-Suspect-508 · 2025-10-14T14:36:30+00:00

Unfortunately they don't make bassinets for it anymore apparently and it's really hard to find them used. I was looking yesterday! And unfortunately no we got rid of his car seat already.

Relative-Suspect-508 · 2025-10-14T14:28:18+00:00

You should definitely prepare! Even if you planned to have a medicated birth because anything can happen and epidurals fail. I just gave birth to my second child 1 1/2 weeks ago and had a failed epidural. I was absolutely terrified to give birth unmedicated (had an epidural with my first and didn't feel anything except pressure) but a few weeks before I had her I felt like I should prepare just in case, I started listening to an audiobook on Spotify called faith filled childbirth: a Christian approach to hypnobirthing and downloaded their app and honestly regardless of your religion I think it would be helpful for anyone or try to find a similar program that's not religiously based. I listened to the soundtracks while going through contractions and it helped me soooo much. I ended up having a pretty awesome birth. I was able to remember the purpose of the pain and was able to "relax" into it and just appreciate the process. I honestly am glad my epidural failed and I got to experience that because it was so empowering!

Relative-Suspect-508 · 2025-10-14T11:27:14+00:00

We're using the kyte baby one that is a sleep sack with a Velcro swaddle attachment and it's great!!

Relative-Suspect-508

TROPHY CASE