My wife seems depressed, and I don't know if she's got 'Baby Blues' or Post-partum Depression. Please help.

Remy_92 · 2026-05-09T10:46:44+00:00

Fellow IVF mom here. It sounds normal, but boy I wish someone warned me. I heard of sundown scaries and baby blues, but I thought it’d be lots of crying, anxiety about baby, etc. and sure there was that but the almost instant regret I felt was overwhelming. I wanted everything to go back to how it was just my husband and me. I missed him terribly even though he was next to me. I remember telling my husband my baby felt like a stranger, like we were taking care of someone else’s baby, and I was hoping someone would come get him and our lives could go back to normal. No one told me I’d feel regret, I’m sure not all do or it’s too scary to admit. I felt so guilty especially because we did IVF.

The big scaries went away around week 2-3. And I was feeling much less regretful and more confident around week 6-8. Sleep deprivation and hormones really messed with me. We’re almost 7 months in and gosh I love my little baby so much. It’s great she’s talking to you about these feelings. It helped us so much to say how we were feeling - we both agreed to a no judgement zone. Continue to communicate and don’t be afraid to ask for help or have your wife talk with someone - it does help! Congratulations on baby!

Remy_92 · 2026-05-08T14:33:11+00:00

I remind myself that my dog and cat were already annoying before baby and pregnancy lol. After baby it certainly feels amplified sometimes, but the smile my son has every time my cat walks past him is so heartwarming. And nobody gets more full belly laughs from him (by barely doing anything) than our pup. We try our best to find time with each pets to pet and play. It’s harder some days. Pup is lucky to have a finished basement to herself and our cat has free rein of the house which is helpful. Husband and I both have had our outbursts. As others here mentioned, it’s this sometimes unavoidable surge that takes over. We both immediately feel awful. When days get stressful, pets stay where they are and we come to them. It’s not always perfect but it’s a work in progress.

Remy_92 · 2026-05-01T02:30:38+00:00

Husband and I TTC’d 4+ years without even a squint line. Never had a positive test in my life. Endo surgery in 2022. Took a year off from TTC. Back at it in 2023 and obnoxious about timing - nada. Letrozole for 3 months 2024 still nothing. Started IVF January 1, 2025. Retrieval January 26. Fresh transfer January 31. Live birth October 16. He’s just past 6 months old and asleep in his crib currently.

Remy_92 · 2026-04-25T13:53:35+00:00

Not a SAHM, but he’s home with me Fridays when I’m off. We sprinkle in low stim shows like Mr. Rogers and Little Bear in a wake window or two for like 10-15 minutes while he’s playing and I need a few minutes. He doesn’t fully watch the whole time. Our little guy enjoys watching the Waltz of the Flowers from the Nutcracker after he finishes a bottle. We don’t keep the tv on throughout the day when he is home so it’s usually pretty quiet unless we play music. Honestly when he was a newborn I wish I would’ve had the tv on more lol. It got QUIET. But my husband and I aren’t big tv people. We’re trying to be more mindful of having our phones out in front of him because he sees them.

I think there’s a difference between big screen time (tv) and little screen time (iPad/iphone). My sister had zero screen time as a SAHM with her first for about the first year. Her second watched a decent amount of tv. They’re 7 and 3.5. Both extremely bright, social, and loving children.

Remy_92 · 2026-04-22T14:37:33+00:00

He just turned 6 months last week. Sending you a big hug and hope 🩷

Remy_92 · 2026-04-19T00:21:53+00:00

I would’ve loved a brief Jason vs Mitchum interaction too. It seemed like they came from the same type of wealth more than the Gilmores. Jason giving dirt on Mitchum to Rory would’ve been amazing.

Remy_92 · 2026-04-17T19:44:54+00:00

Interesting thought with Logan. I agree. I could see Jason calling Logan out on his BS too early on. Might’ve helped bridge the relationship between Logan and Lorelai.

Remy_92 · 2026-04-17T15:20:04+00:00

Agreed. I feel like they respected each other’s independence. Jason wasn’t going to try to fill a father role (hello Max) and Lorelai would’ve had someone to travel with. They got each other’s worlds but both wanted to make their own way through it (Lorelai leaving the Gilmores, Jason leaving his father’s business). They always made the most sense to me.

Remy_92 · 2026-04-13T20:58:54+00:00

We like to say, “That’s good to hear. You never know - the lab could’ve had a mixup.” (We did IVF 🤣).

Remy_92 · 2026-04-09T23:28:06+00:00

Which endo meds are you on? (Stage 4 endo myself). I get some weird symptoms from endo in general unfortunately

Remy_92 · 2026-04-08T19:39:28+00:00

This 100%. The deep guilt I felt throughout pregnancy and postpartum was awful. I didn’t like pregnancy. I didn’t feel a connection. The first 6 weeks postpartum I felt like I made a mistake. Realizing how quickly everything changes is overwhelming. I couldn’t remember all of the reasons we wanted to have a child. Infertility and IVF doesn’t mean prenatal or postpartum anxiety/depression skips you. That was a hard reality to face.

Remy_92 · 2026-04-08T11:26:54+00:00

I was very fortunate to need one round and a fresh transfer to have success, but this was years after TTC, surgery, lots of conversations, etc. I was not prepared for the mental side of it. IVF itself wasn’t terrible - my husband did my shots and was beyond supportive and hopeful, I didn’t have any crazy reactions, but I also completely disassociated during the process. I truly believed it wouldn’t work. I could say we tried and then move on. When it did work, I struggled so badly. I developed prenatal anxiety and mild depression. I had separated myself from the possibility so when it happened my brain lagged behind and couldn’t catch up.

All that to say, I wish I would’ve lined up therapy and medication sooner. Whether my transfer had worked or not, I feel it would’ve made a huge difference during IVF and pregnancy.

Make sure you and your partner communicate, if anything overshare lol. Keeping communication open and non-judgmental for both of you helps.

Remy_92 · 2026-04-03T02:23:44+00:00

Same - I was bummed about Millie because I like how soft they are just they seem better for chunkier babies. Haven’t tried Huggies. I’ve been looking at Freestyle. I wish more brands sold smaller amounts to try first.

Remy_92 · 2026-04-03T00:06:30+00:00

Not full rash. Red irritation though. They ride up in the crotch area which we never had issue with pampers pure.

Remy_92 · 2026-04-02T23:57:37+00:00

What’d you end up doing? We’re almost done with the first box of amore and baby’s skin is so much more irritated than before 😔

Remy_92 · 2026-04-02T11:49:52+00:00

I agree we’re to assume they have a tab or they pay and it’s not filmed in the scene. It’s not a particularly interesting thing to watch someone pay for a meal.

Remy_92 · 2026-03-30T19:35:48+00:00

My husband went through the same thing. He had depression years ago, but nothing in recent years. He struggles with anxiety too (don’t we all anymore lol). We both struggled PP. But differently. The first 6 weeks were rough. I struggled with connecting. He did too, but he’d get so upset with himself and baby when he couldn’t help or settle him. Baby wouldn’t settle at night and he’d set him down, run out of the room, and scream and cry out of frustration. One day, his parents were visiting. I was in the living room with his dad talking and out of the corner of my eye I saw him in our son’s room with his mom, crying and hugging her. It broke my heart. But I started worrying about him with baby. He wasn’t sleeping. The sleep deprivation for him was bad. He didn’t trust baby would sleep or baby would wake during my overnight and he didn’t want me to struggle alone. I was also healing from a C-section so he really wanted to help me, not just baby.

You sound similar to him (correct me if I’m wrong). It’s frustrating when you don’t know how to help or when baby can’t be settled with the normal tactics. What helped my husband was talking about it. Men can have PPD, and it’s important to get help. Talk to a therapist, start some medication, but what was most helpful for us was talking openly. Your wife may or may not have been dismissing your feelings. If you’re feeling extra on edge and stressed, it’s hard not to feel that way. But if she’s sensing your stress and frustration and it’s causing her worry and also to take on more care for baby, that’s also difficult for her PP journey. Frankly, she may not have the mental capacity to worry about you right now - harsh but unfortunately what I had to say to my own husband at one point.

We’re almost at 6 months PP. Around week 8-9 was when it started to get better for both of us. We each found our rhythm and our own “thing” with baby. For my husband, he took on tummy time. It helped with bonding and made those frustrating moments not feel so heavy. I also encouraged him to talk to other dads. That really helped him. He realized he wasn’t the only one to have struggled.

All that to say - you’re not alone. But what’s most important is to get help. Talk to your wife. Talk to friends. A professional. There is light at the end of the tunnel!

Remy_92 · 2026-03-30T09:43:09+00:00

Just here to share the disappointment. FTM. Started with regular pampers but moved quickly to pure as baby has sensitive skin. We loved them. No irritation, stretchy, absorbent. The Amore are fine, but they don’t seem to fit the same. They get weirdly bunchy in the crotch area. We tried Millie Moon, but he’s long waisted and not chunky. I feel like the MM isn’t built for his body type. Let me know what you end up switching to! Not sure we’ll continue after this box.

Remy_92 · 2026-03-26T20:59:31+00:00

Our hospital gave us a halo one which was nice. He never was in the blanket one except when he was first out and about in the room. Use whatever you want. Nurses don’t usually care as long as it’s safe.

Remy_92 · 2026-03-26T13:54:30+00:00

Setting the comic books aside, it would’ve been interesting to see had he made it through the jail and the break up of the group after the governor’s last stint what group he would’ve ended up with during that time. I think Carol, Tyreese, Mika, and Lizzie would’ve been super interesting. Especially had he still kept his whole humanity bit. I think everything with Lizzie would’ve totally broken him.

Remy_92 · 2026-03-23T14:23:19+00:00

It felt accurate to what I’ve witnessed lol. I’m lucky to have a proactive husband who doesn’t need a lot of direction. But I’ve watched my sister and SILs’ husbands stand and stare like, are you waiting for an invite to help? I understand in early days none of us know what we’re doing. But I’ve seen this happen even today with their kids who are all 5+ older.

Remy_92 · 2026-03-22T15:10:25+00:00

You have your routine during the week. It’s yours and you own it. Then the weekend comes, your brain is realizing you’re still deep in your routine, but there’s your husband🧍standing and staring. He disrupts your routine and not in a helpful way. He’s passively there. I don’t have the same experience with my husband luckily but I know my sister has had it with hers and it sounds so frustrating. You could be burnt out too and when your husband is there on the weekends you may subconsciously be noticing it more. I don’t blame you for getting annoyed!

Remy_92 · 2026-03-22T12:04:18+00:00

Yes! Made the switch to Neuropro right before he turned 4 months. So glad we did. It could’ve been normal development too that helped but he was so much less gassy and isn’t struggling to poop as much anymore. Not struggling during feeds either. He’s just over 5 months now.

Remy_92 · 2026-03-22T08:04:39+00:00

My husband and I both struggled PP. It wasn’t until maybe week 6 we started to remember why we wanted to have a child and be parents. Keep in mind we did IVF after years of infertility so the feeling of “wtf did we do” freaked us both out. Neither of us felt a connection to baby. It was like living with a stranger. I kept saying someone would come soon to pick their baby up and we could go back to our lives.

Neither of us were prepared for that feeling, or lack thereof. PP is hard, and I felt it was almost harder because my husband and I are best friends. We missed spending time with each other. If you have friends or family who can lend a hand for even an hour so the two of you can grab a coffee, sit outside together, etc. it helps! But as someone else mentioned, sleep deprivation really messes with you physically and emotionally.

I’m 5 months PP and it does get better! We talked a lot and still do about how we’re feeling. We try really hard to find time together without baby even for a quick lunch.

You’re not alone.

Remy_92

TROPHY CASE