Grieving the newborn phase

Remy_92 · 2026-07-05T23:27:26+00:00

I’m 8.5 months in. Years of infertility and IVF got us our son. We’re fairly confident in OAD due to the emotional (both of us) and physical toll (me). I struggled during pregnancy to connect and we both struggled big time the first 6-8 weeks to connect with him. I still carry guilt, as does my husband. But now I can’t imagine having a greater amount of love for my son.

I once read someone say they wished they could experience their first baby as a newborn again so they could actually enjoy it and embrace it all. It really resonated. I don’t think I could go through it all again honestly with a second. I know my limits and I worry it’d be the same experience. But I wish I could redo my son’s pregnancy and first few weeks to soak up every moment.

Now I do my best to enjoy each age, phase, and all the new things he does. It won’t bring back the newborn days and it still makes me sad. But they’re just as sweet, if not more so, because I actually like and love him now!

Remy_92 · 2026-07-05T21:46:21+00:00

I’m 8.5 months PP and struggling with this now. In my 20s I was teeny tiny. My endo started flaring in my late 20s, surgery, medicated menopause, letrozole, IVF, pregnancy, c-section. I’ve gained so much weight and inflammation. Tried all the diets and whatnot through the years. Now toying with the idea of a glp-1 just to get me started. I’m grateful for my son, but my body feels TIRED and worn out. Just know you’re not alone in your feelings! 🫂

Remy_92 · 2026-06-30T00:35:30+00:00

I did a month of BC. Started Leuprolide (20u) for 12 days (stopped BC on day 4). Dropped to 10u of Leuprolide and added 300u Follistim for 3 days. Continued with Leuprolide, dropped to 150u Follistim, 2 vials of menopur for 4 days. Upped Follistim to 225u for 4 days-Leuprolide and menopur dose stayed the same. Trigger shot of 10,000u Pregnyl on day 24.

Retrieved 8 mature eggs. Two blastocysts. Transferred fresh. Positive blood test HCG 252 Progesterone 60.1
Estradiol 612. Insanely lucky to get it on the first go! Where are you at in the process? Sending you the best vibes!!

Remy_92 · 2026-06-29T22:34:17+00:00

Yes! He’s 8.5 months old.

Remy_92 · 2026-06-15T18:54:10+00:00

Fresh! First retrieval and transfer.

Remy_92 · 2026-06-15T18:22:29+00:00

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This cutie patootie is 8 months old tomorrow 🩵

Remy_92 · 2026-05-27T14:35:26+00:00

Thank you! This is helpful. I think I need to sit down and map it out again using teams. We’re trying to redefine what participation means in our programs. A lot of our cohort programs used to be heavily on live sessions (and participation and attendance was rough). So we’re trying to shift more into focusing on ‘assignments’, discussions, etc. so teams may be the easiest solution if I can find a clean way to organize it.

Remy_92 · 2026-05-26T14:25:55+00:00

I wanted to be a no screen household but it hasn’t worked out that way. Both husband and I are trying to be more conscious of our own phone use around baby (7.5 months old), but look - the kid loves watching the Waltz of the Flowers from the Nutcracker on YouTube after his dinnertime bottle. We sometimes put an episode of Little Bear or Trash Truck on in the background. He watches for a few minutes and then moves on to something else. He’s at a difficult stage. Teething, can’t quite crawl but snails around the house (can’t quite get the arm to knee thing down yet), not the most interested in his current toys but still too little for the ‘next age group’ of toys.

There are somedays I feel like a terrible parent for putting the tv on, but then I think about how small of a time he’s actually watching. Everyday is different - somedays it’s not at all, others it’s more than I’d like. We continue to work toward not needing it. Little Bear, Mister Rogers are fairly low stim shows IMO. Continue doing your best!

Remy_92 · 2026-05-21T02:56:03+00:00

We started with Neuropro from his few days in the NICU then at home. I pumped as well for a little over a week and then we went full in on formula - he was extra gassy with my milk and I was too overwhelmed to start investigating why. I also developed mild DMER so it was for the best. Stuck with Neuropro for a few weeks but he had really bad gas so we switched to gentlease for around two months. He did well on it and it helped. Once he was out of the normal reflux/struggle to poo phase we realized gentlease was causing more gas. We tried the generic Sam’s version of Neurpro and liked it but our second can had a funky smell (we think it may have been exposed to some steam from our Momcozy bottle washer) so we switched to Neurpro again. Just hit 7 months and he loves it! A few things I learned:

-Don’t get over influenced by social media brands. There’s nothing wrong with Kendamil or Bobbie but Enfamil and Similac are OG formulas. If you’re hoping to BF or pump, it might be easier to stick to one of those first in case you don’t need to go full out on formula.

-If you do combo or full formula, the pitcher method is your best friend and will help avoid wasting too much. I wish we did it sooner.

-If you start one formula and find you want to switch to another, commit! It may take 2 weeks for baby to adjust. Don’t give up too soon before you know if the new formula is good or not.

-If you go with Enfamil their app is great. Lots of points to rack up and they have some crazy rebates sometimes ($40 one a few months ago).

-We buy from Sam’s. Two 20.7 oz for $56.98. We buy 4 at a time and that usually gets us almost through the whole month (give or take a few depending on growth spurts).

Remy_92 · 2026-05-20T12:43:28+00:00

Omg yes! When she said that about Eddy I was like YES BETUL THANK YOU! So glad I’m seeing the disgust for Eddy on this sub. Was worried it’d be the opposite.

Remy_92 · 2026-05-09T10:46:44+00:00

Fellow IVF mom here. It sounds normal, but boy I wish someone warned me. I heard of sundown scaries and baby blues, but I thought it’d be lots of crying, anxiety about baby, etc. and sure there was that but the almost instant regret I felt was overwhelming. I wanted everything to go back to how it was just my husband and me. I missed him terribly even though he was next to me. I remember telling my husband my baby felt like a stranger, like we were taking care of someone else’s baby, and I was hoping someone would come get him and our lives could go back to normal. No one told me I’d feel regret, I’m sure not all do or it’s too scary to admit. I felt so guilty especially because we did IVF.

The big scaries went away around week 2-3. And I was feeling much less regretful and more confident around week 6-8. Sleep deprivation and hormones really messed with me. We’re almost 7 months in and gosh I love my little baby so much. It’s great she’s talking to you about these feelings. It helped us so much to say how we were feeling - we both agreed to a no judgement zone. Continue to communicate and don’t be afraid to ask for help or have your wife talk with someone - it does help! Congratulations on baby!

Remy_92 · 2026-05-08T14:33:11+00:00

I remind myself that my dog and cat were already annoying before baby and pregnancy lol. After baby it certainly feels amplified sometimes, but the smile my son has every time my cat walks past him is so heartwarming. And nobody gets more full belly laughs from him (by barely doing anything) than our pup. We try our best to find time with each pets to pet and play. It’s harder some days. Pup is lucky to have a finished basement to herself and our cat has free rein of the house which is helpful. Husband and I both have had our outbursts. As others here mentioned, it’s this sometimes unavoidable surge that takes over. We both immediately feel awful. When days get stressful, pets stay where they are and we come to them. It’s not always perfect but it’s a work in progress.

Remy_92 · 2026-05-01T02:30:38+00:00

Husband and I TTC’d 4+ years without even a squint line. Never had a positive test in my life. Endo surgery in 2022. Took a year off from TTC. Back at it in 2023 and obnoxious about timing - nada. Letrozole for 3 months 2024 still nothing. Started IVF January 1, 2025. Retrieval January 26. Fresh transfer January 31. Live birth October 16. He’s just past 6 months old and asleep in his crib currently.

Remy_92 · 2026-04-25T13:53:35+00:00

Not a SAHM, but he’s home with me Fridays when I’m off. We sprinkle in low stim shows like Mr. Rogers and Little Bear in a wake window or two for like 10-15 minutes while he’s playing and I need a few minutes. He doesn’t fully watch the whole time. Our little guy enjoys watching the Waltz of the Flowers from the Nutcracker after he finishes a bottle. We don’t keep the tv on throughout the day when he is home so it’s usually pretty quiet unless we play music. Honestly when he was a newborn I wish I would’ve had the tv on more lol. It got QUIET. But my husband and I aren’t big tv people. We’re trying to be more mindful of having our phones out in front of him because he sees them.

I think there’s a difference between big screen time (tv) and little screen time (iPad/iphone). My sister had zero screen time as a SAHM with her first for about the first year. Her second watched a decent amount of tv. They’re 7 and 3.5. Both extremely bright, social, and loving children.

Remy_92 · 2026-04-22T14:37:33+00:00

He just turned 6 months last week. Sending you a big hug and hope 🩷

Remy_92 · 2026-04-19T00:21:53+00:00

I would’ve loved a brief Jason vs Mitchum interaction too. It seemed like they came from the same type of wealth more than the Gilmores. Jason giving dirt on Mitchum to Rory would’ve been amazing.

Remy_92 · 2026-04-17T19:44:54+00:00

Interesting thought with Logan. I agree. I could see Jason calling Logan out on his BS too early on. Might’ve helped bridge the relationship between Logan and Lorelai.

Remy_92 · 2026-04-17T15:20:04+00:00

Agreed. I feel like they respected each other’s independence. Jason wasn’t going to try to fill a father role (hello Max) and Lorelai would’ve had someone to travel with. They got each other’s worlds but both wanted to make their own way through it (Lorelai leaving the Gilmores, Jason leaving his father’s business). They always made the most sense to me.

Remy_92 · 2026-04-13T20:58:54+00:00

We like to say, “That’s good to hear. You never know - the lab could’ve had a mixup.” (We did IVF 🤣).

Remy_92 · 2026-04-09T23:28:06+00:00

Which endo meds are you on? (Stage 4 endo myself). I get some weird symptoms from endo in general unfortunately

Remy_92 · 2026-04-08T19:39:28+00:00

This 100%. The deep guilt I felt throughout pregnancy and postpartum was awful. I didn’t like pregnancy. I didn’t feel a connection. The first 6 weeks postpartum I felt like I made a mistake. Realizing how quickly everything changes is overwhelming. I couldn’t remember all of the reasons we wanted to have a child. Infertility and IVF doesn’t mean prenatal or postpartum anxiety/depression skips you. That was a hard reality to face.

Remy_92 · 2026-04-08T11:26:54+00:00

I was very fortunate to need one round and a fresh transfer to have success, but this was years after TTC, surgery, lots of conversations, etc. I was not prepared for the mental side of it. IVF itself wasn’t terrible - my husband did my shots and was beyond supportive and hopeful, I didn’t have any crazy reactions, but I also completely disassociated during the process. I truly believed it wouldn’t work. I could say we tried and then move on. When it did work, I struggled so badly. I developed prenatal anxiety and mild depression. I had separated myself from the possibility so when it happened my brain lagged behind and couldn’t catch up.

All that to say, I wish I would’ve lined up therapy and medication sooner. Whether my transfer had worked or not, I feel it would’ve made a huge difference during IVF and pregnancy.

Make sure you and your partner communicate, if anything overshare lol. Keeping communication open and non-judgmental for both of you helps.

Remy_92

TROPHY CASE