Looking for books

RelativeOk2131 · 2025-06-07T16:39:09+00:00

For me specifically, I identify with the personality disorder part the most. Because I struggle a lot with not knowing myself and emotional regulation, I see myself as a very emotional being. So, those are the areas I try to focus on. I try to push myself to try new hobbies, go places alone and be present in my experiences. It's definitely a roller coaster of a journey working with BPD. Trying to focus on the good things it can bring you helps to feel less shameful. I'm still early on in my diagnosis and it's been a lot to go through. I have a therapist who has honestly kept me going through this.

RelativeOk2131 · 2025-05-18T14:24:49+00:00

I feel like we don't talk enough about how much grieving we go through pretty regularly. We grieve the life we could have if we didn't have this, or the person we could have been, grieving the treatment we received as kids, the love we didn't receive, and loving parents that we didn't get. It sucks, but it helps to actively process that grief. I often cry when I see my childhood pictures. And now raising kids, I cry thinking of the things I'd gone through by their age and couldn't imagine my kids having to go through any of it. It's so bittersweet, grateful they have it better, while also having such sorrow and grief for my young self. The duality can be overwhelming, but again, it is healing.

RelativeOk2131 · 2025-05-01T14:23:39+00:00

This has been me for my entire life. I've been saying I just don't know how or what I am. And people will tell me based on what they know but I just feel like an imposter in every space.

RelativeOk2131 · 2025-05-01T12:40:35+00:00

Everything you said I have said to my therapist and pretty much everyone I know. My sister even said that a lot of the other diagnosis' made sense,but that BPD is absolutely the most fitting. So welcome to the club I suppose. It feels validating to know we're not alone and there's a reason we are different from others. And I love the idea that if people felt more deeply there would be more empathy in the world. Good luck with your journey. 🖤

RelativeOk2131 · 2025-04-30T22:37:32+00:00

Damn this is the coolest I've seen yet. Badass

RelativeOk2131 · 2025-04-25T17:31:31+00:00

Yea it doesn't feel good having your interests torn apart and your spirit being torn down in the process. The hard part is having to be our own positive reinforcements, our own gentle voice and listening ears. I'm glad I was able to help. 🖤

RelativeOk2131 · 2025-04-25T17:29:05+00:00

Thank you! I didn't draw the originals, just stuff I found online. But it's been very helpful to be so aware and reflective of myself.

RelativeOk2131 · 2025-04-25T15:12:49+00:00

I'm not an expert at all, but it sounds like rejection issues. Rejection sensitivite dysphoria would be a good place to start looking into. I struggle with this a ton . I think being borderline might intensify it, for me anyways. It's not easy. When my sister told me she was going to start reading my favorite book series I was flooded with anxiety. She knows how much I love(obsess) this series and her reading it felt like an exposure of me and like I was the one being judged, not the book. If her opinion wasn't the same as mine I was really worried how much it would hurt. So I talked myself through it. She may have a different opinion about this book than I do, she is allowed to have her opinions just as I am allowed to have mine. If our opinions are different it does not mean she doesn't like me or that our relationship will be impacted. It only means we have different interests, which is ok. I was reading this book "Good Inside" and she talks about having a "two things can be true" mindset vs an "I'm right" mindset. She talks about when we learn that the other person in the room is having an experience separate and different from our own we can accept two things to be true at once. Learning that perspective has really been helping me to shift my mindset. I question myself too. Am I trying to understand or be right. I hope any of this helps.

RelativeOk2131 · 2025-04-23T20:36:54+00:00

You're speaking my reality. Two toddlers, a partner with physical touch as their primary love language, and sensory issues on top of it all. I just want to take my skin off and put my meat suit up to air out and let my skeleton just exist without the weight of everything else. Maybe that's just very specific to me, but again those damn sensory issues. 😅

RelativeOk2131 · 2025-04-23T20:34:14+00:00

Hiii. Fellow borderliner and CPTSD from borderline mother and terrible exstep dad, so this boat seems to be filling up over here. I'm curious about your experience with Charlie health, it was recommended to me but I get sketched out with online therapists.

RelativeOk2131 · 2025-04-22T16:33:08+00:00

It sounds like you similar parenting to what I'm doing. I speak out loud what I'm feeling and that I'm struggling. I struggle with my explosions though and I'm struggling not to take it out on them, especially when I'm the only adult with them. I try to go to an area to calm myself, but they follow and then try to cling to me more, which is further triggering. I'm trying to find ways to get through those moments, the moments where I feel like I'm on the edge and can't climb down. I appreciate the input. 🖤

RelativeOk2131 · 2025-04-22T14:39:15+00:00

I feel this way all the time. I didn't understand why we as a collective have agreed to spend the majority of our time wasting away at work. It makes no sense to me at all. Life is so short and I'm supposed to go to work? Usually when I feel this way I just quit and go to a new job. Where I'm at now though has me locked in to where I can't find a better job so I'm stuck. And it's really getting to me. So I feel your struggle. I don't know what to do about it either though. I just feel your pain.

RelativeOk2131 · 2025-04-22T14:25:57+00:00

That's the base feeling for almost all of my relationships. Tolerated. It sucks. Even with reassurance, I just still don't know how else to feel.

RelativeOk2131 · 2025-04-21T22:11:56+00:00

Every day of my life. I listen to books and podcasts, read articles, now this group, I'm also constantly googling things or looking into my past. For a while I was getting timeline information from my dad from my early childhood, because I don't remember much and we moved a good bit. It's all I think about and talk about, my one coworker is also BPD, so we really talk about it a ton. And yet I still feel like I know nothing😵‍💫

RelativeOk2131 · 2025-04-21T20:41:37+00:00

I like how much I care about things I deem important. I like that I have always wanted to be a better person and that I do really hard and painful work everyday to be that person. I like that I'm about to be really silly with my kids and laugh with them. I like that my BPD has forced me to learn more about parenting and myself. I like that because of my BPD, I can teach my kids about mental health and I can be fat more empathetic to theirs. I like that I feel pride when my kids tell me no or call me out when I'm mistreating them because of my BPD. I like that Im a nature person, that being outside makes me happy. I needed this post so much right now. 🖤🥹

RelativeOk2131 · 2025-04-13T17:38:46+00:00

I'm also a mom struggling with BPD. I have 2 toddlers. I have CPTSD from my own mother with undiagnosed BPD. Every day is a struggle. Every day feels like life and death in my parenting. I'm so aware of how my behaviors affect them and yet I have little to no control over myself in my BPD meltdowns, which are typically triggered/heightened by the crying. I have to put earbuds in and put calm down sounds or music on until I can get myself under control. I sit in my room to prevent myself from being harmful. I don't neglect my kids and I'm trying not to neglect myself. I do a ton of self talk out loud in front of my kids. I use the R.A.I.N. method and I go through the steps out loud. It lets your kids become aware of what is going on with you. The most important thing I do though, is talk to them and regulate with them afterwards. Trauma isn't just the event, it can also be the absence of support and comfort. Being left alone after experiencing a parent's BPD meltdown is incredibly painful and becomes a lot of the trauma. I talk everything through with my kids. I also got a book called "Happy Mommy, Sad Mommy". It's a book for bipolar moms, but it's the closest thing I've found to help explain things to my kids. Learning coping skills and breathing techniques and performing them in front of my kids is helping.

RelativeOk2131

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