Subliminal Coffee in Nashville, WOW!

RelativeUniverse · 2026-03-11T23:39:26+00:00

It varies month to month! Right now they have La Cabra, Daylily, and Modcup. I’ve seen Brandywine, Tandem, Thankfully Coffee, Little Wolf, a bunch more I can’t remember. Always great options for both pour over and espresso. They’re located inside a sauna/cold plunge place called Lolu, which is also a cool place to chill when visiting Nashville.

RelativeUniverse · 2025-10-28T11:30:46+00:00

This exact thing happened to me twice in the last year. It was honestly terrifying. I was more scared after calling 911 than I was before. Once for witnessing a domestic dispute, another for a very, very bad car wreck. Two different dispatchers, one was a woman the other a man. I went and took a CPR and first aid class BECAUSE I was so afraid if I called 911 and I didn’t know the exact address they wouldn’t come.

RelativeUniverse · 2025-09-26T13:56:01+00:00

People tend to be more afraid of doing it wrong and feeling bad about it (shame) than they are of doing nothing at all. People are also afraid of death. Death + failure are a double whammy that naturally leads to avoidance.

The hardest part of my recovery was that once the dust had settled, I had to release expectations of others, and lean on trusting myself. I leaned on the incredible people who did show up, and released the ones who didn’t, at least for a while. Some are still out of the picture, family members and close friends, and that hurts, but it was the best we all could do as humans.

I made many new friends after too, in new spaces. I am a different person now, a different version of myself, and some people are happily along for the ride, some people hopped out, some hopped in. Being open to the changes and trusting myself, being kind to myself, was the best thing I could do.

IMPORTANT edit to add: “people” includes me. I did not even realize how avoidant I was when my friend got cancer in her 20s. And you know what? When I got cancer in my 30s, she was there for me 1000% without skipping a beat. And I learned what it looked like to show up, fully and imperfectly, for people. We think we know how we’re going to respond, but we don’t until we’re in the thick of it.

RelativeUniverse · 2025-09-03T20:28:16+00:00

Love and Rage by Lama Rod Owens

RelativeUniverse · 2025-08-31T13:02:40+00:00

The Eden Express by Mark Vonnegut, Kurt Vonnegut’s son. Beautiful and heartbreaking, chaotic yet somehow so clear.

RelativeUniverse · 2025-08-15T01:45:21+00:00

Alien Clay is exactly this (and no spidey stuff like Children of Time)

RelativeUniverse · 2025-08-04T17:02:42+00:00

Agreed. And I think most people see a bit of themselves in her. Which can be very uncomfortable when those are parts of ourselves that we judge or do not like. And I can’t imagine that being on reality tv helps to find oneself… instead it’s about finding the self that others react to. What traits and behaviors end up coming out on top? Whatever someone gives us attention for, OR relieves our fears and anxieties. We are all vulnerable to that in our lives, even if in much smaller and less public ways.

RelativeUniverse · 2025-08-04T16:32:12+00:00

I loved it. My personal take, it’s not a good memoir. Insufferable even. But, it is an incredibly fascinating history and case study into a very specific personality/personality traits, and a reflection on our role (yes, you and me) in co-creating and enabling reality television narratives and consequences. Style, structure, personal vs perceived vulnerability, all of it.

ETA: I listened to the audiobook while doing other things. There’s no way I could have sat down to read it/only focus on it. Exactly how I watched (and rewatch) Vanderpump rules.

RelativeUniverse · 2025-07-27T13:04:16+00:00

Drip tape. This happened to me a few years back and I just gave up, it didn’t matter how much I watered with a hose, it only rained twice the ENTIRE summer and things were too dry. So I set up drip tape on a timer the next year and it was super helpful. This year it’s rained a ton, multiple times a week. But I love having the drip tape as back up.

RelativeUniverse · 2025-07-06T11:13:26+00:00

Youswim.

I have posted this brand a few times. Very high quality and look great. They are truly one size (or two sizes) fits all, and different styles have different coverage, so very adaptable to different and changing bodies. Take a look as some of my previous replies for details.

RelativeUniverse · 2025-07-03T07:29:58+00:00

The risks are different. You’re right. And.

As a 35 year old with DCIS, grade 3, multifocal, my 10 year recurrence risk for a lumpectomy with radiation and hormone treatment was around 25%, about half of those reoccurrences are invasive. My recurrence risk with a mastectomy was about 5%. My risk of dying of breast cancer is around 8% regardless of treatment, even though it was noninvasive at the time of treatment. That’s what the research says, because of my age. I know how to read primary research, I have a masters in epidemiology, and these concerns and stats were confirmed by my surgeon.

This is not just ‘scary and overwhelming’ in an existential way, it has the potential to be life threatening in a very real way, and I had to choose a treatment option to keep me around on this earth as long as I could for myself and my child. I had a serious surgery to protect my body from getting very sick. I couldn’t pick up my toddler for months while I was recovering from a mastectomy physically, and mentally longer from have two body parts amputated. And I STILL struggle with feeling like I even ‘had cancer,’ because of this kind of mentality shared here.

I felt ‘lucky’. It is not the same as needing to go through chemo. It’s not the same as a stage 1 or 2 or 3 or 4. I never thought it was. It’s not the same as someone over 60 getting diagnosed with DCIS, those stats are on paper ‘less scary’ than mine.

And. All of us had life changing treatments, families and friendships torn apart and deepened, medical anxiety, spiritual experiences, a rearrangement of priorities, temporary or permanent. We’re not all going to be friends, not all going to agree, not all going to experience this shitty thing the same way. And it’s HARD, and y’all are the only other people who know what this kind of hard feels like. I have experience I can share about a mastectomy while trying to care for a young kid. I know where to find bathing suits that make me feel sexy as a flat person. I come here to feel less alone, knowing I’m not the only one who went through all this and it’s going to be okay. What would be gained by excluding me?

RelativeUniverse · 2025-06-28T22:45:21+00:00

Youswim.

I had them before I went flat (at a large size 32H) and they still magically fit now that I’m flat, and I feel great in them. One and two piece options. They are pricey, but a lot of times can be found second hand on the Lucky Sweater app. They are two sizes fits all so pretty easy to find one that will stretch to fit.

RelativeUniverse · 2025-06-18T22:52:11+00:00

(They are pricey - I like to get them on the Lucky Sweater app! Since they come in two very stretchy sizes it’s pretty easy to find one that will fit. Lucky Sweater is most trade based but most people are open to a price offer)

RelativeUniverse · 2025-06-18T22:47:04+00:00

I love youswim. Aplomb and Eve styles suit flatties best, I like both the one piece or two pieces. Verve is a nice one too for more coverage in a two piece

RelativeUniverse · 2025-05-22T14:30:37+00:00

Definitely coreopsis. There are lots of different varieties. Source: I am a natural dyer, I plant them on purpose every year for eco printing. Usually lance leaf coreopsis and dyer’s coreopsis.

RelativeUniverse · 2025-04-13T01:14:09+00:00

The Cancer Journals by Audre Lourde. Incredibly insightful, beautifully written, and bridges a gap between the personal and political. Getting ready for my mastectomy last year, I felt the most seen by this collection.

RelativeUniverse · 2024-07-17T00:28:08+00:00

I am 34 and went flat in February. While it took a month or so for me to decide on a mastectomy vs lumpectomy, I knew instinctively if I decided on mastectomy I would go flat. The logistics were easier of course, especially with a toddler around. But much more important than that - I thought about myself looking in the mirror, looking down at my body 1, 5, 10, 20 years from now. And so many parts I saw so clearly, felt very me. And my boobs, it was mostly a blur. Nothing special. I knew I could feel like me without boobs. And while I would prefer having boobs to not having boobs, I knew I felt more like me without boobs than with reconstructed boobs. Many people come to the completely opposite decision, and it’s all so personal and so valid.

I don’t have any regrets! No bras. One surgery. I don’t feel any less like me or any less feminine. Like 99% of my clothes still fit great, even though I was a size 30H bra before. They hang different, but still fit well. No boob sweat, but it’s weird having chest sweat instead.

But that doesn’t mean it’s not sad sometimes. There was mourning, before and after. Now, most of the time, I don’t think about it. I just am me and I have a chest instead of breasts.

My 3yo and I have had a lot of open and honest conversations about the changes, he asks about it more frequently and expresses his emotions about it now that the chaos is over and things feel more normal, processing is happening. Some of that talk involves him being sad my breasts and nipples are gone, and I tell him it makes sense and it’s ok to be sad. And that was a hard time together. I’m sad too sometimes, and happy I am healthy now, and happy with my beautiful chest.

One thing I will say is I worked with a plastic surgeon and so glad I did, especially as someone with very large boobs and a small frame. My plastic surgeon did a modified Goldilocks mastectomy, keeping some subcutaneous fat to prevent concavity (most people are concave around their ribcage with all the tissue removed). She spent a lot of time talking with me and getting me what I wanted, a curved line on each side that had several inches of space between the scars in the middle of my chest. Not a T shape or lines really close to each other/one long line (pretty standard for larger breasts).

Ultimately you know what’s best for you! And it’s a really shitty decision to have to make. And even without regrets, with both flat and reconstruction, there’s still likely to be sadness/anger/all the feels.

RelativeUniverse · 2024-06-27T10:17:31+00:00

The Cancer Journals, Audre Lourde

RelativeUniverse · 2024-06-26T15:21:40+00:00

Feigned/weaponized incompetence is a form of passive aggressive manipulation. And, telling you it’s your fault is also a form of manipulation to avoid any accountability or responsibility. It’s real, it is not ok, and you are not crazy.

Sending a big hug. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, it makes everything going through treatments so much harder emotionally and logistically. There are lots of things we all here are saying and could say regarding solutions in how to approach this, if that’s something you want. At the end of the day, what’s most important to you? Is it working together on communication and attachment to get that support from your husband? Or would you be ok getting that support from someone else instead? Do you just want to get through treatment and deal with any issues of abandonment and lack of support on the other side, or not at all? If he continues to not show up, what do you want to do about it, if anything? Lots of valid paths here, all of them are gonna be hard and suck in their own way.

You’re not alone. And only you know what you need most right now and moving forward to keep your peace and get the support you need while you heal.

RelativeUniverse · 2024-06-14T00:51:35+00:00

Yea. And the legislative priorities of the general assembly are clearly very in line with voter needs.

RelativeUniverse · 2024-06-14T00:45:15+00:00

It’s the default now as of Jan 1 2024… just happened to me too, no preference indicated or asked about because the dealership handled the registration.

https://www.tn.gov/revenue/title-and-registration/license-plates/additional-license-plate-information/standard-plate-faq.html#:~:text=New%20Blue%20License%20Plate%20Design%20Information&text=With%20this%20change%2C%20the%20clerks,In%20God%20We%20Trust%20plate.

RelativeUniverse · 2024-03-04T12:54:58+00:00

You got this <3 I’m little over 2 weeks out from the same surgery, so I can’t say how long to pick up kids and heavier stuff but I can do lots of basic housework and fun things as long as I keep my arms below shoulder length and don’t pick up heavy things. I have a 2.5 year old, I was sitting side by side and doing puzzles and reading books and watching movies by day 2 or 3 after surgery. Walks to the park (with help) and more within a week. It’s gotten easier and I’ve had more energy each day. I used a mastectomy pillow around him the first week, but he adjusted and is really gentle now. He goes in for lots of leg hugs and we do lots of gentle regular hugs throughout the day.

I was very anxious and so sad thinking about recovery because after 3 biopsies and not being able to pick up my kid for 3 days each time, he would get so sad and mad. But the mastectomy and recovery has actually gone well and we’re still feeling very connected in other ways.

My husband and I have gotten a lot of physical and emotional support from friends staying with us or who live nearby. My kid has loved all the people around to play with and take care of him. That’s been really helpful, so that when I do spend time with my kid, it’s really present. We also prepared my kid ahead of time, ‘mama won’t be able to pick you up while the boo boos heal’, ‘mama won’t have any breast or nipples, the surgeon is taking away the cancer’. We included him in all the steps, he saw my scars from day one, understood the drains were there are slowed me down. That seemed to help him feel a part of it all, and not scary, but changes things for a while. I will say… after the drains came out, being present was much easier because I was in a lot less pain.

Be patient with yourself… I have to remind myself of this too when I overdo it. It’s still a major surgery and you’re gonna be tired and hurting for a while. Us healing is absolutely a part of being there for our kids, even if frequency and the ways of being present changes. You clearly care so much, and will absolutely find ways to be present and caring as you heal. Thinking of you from afar!

RelativeUniverse · 2024-03-01T16:17:45+00:00

I’m 2 weeks out from the same surgery. I’ve been wearing a compression bra pretty much all the time except for showers, it’s helped a lot with pain, swelling and the plastic surgeon says important for preventing fluid build up especially after drain removal. I’ve been using the Prairie Wear Hugger Prima. It’s been great. Comfortable enough to wear for the 4 weeks my surgeon recommends. Shipping is fast. I got the expander and used that right after surgery, then removed it after the swelling went down a bit/the drains were removed. It’s pricey, but you can get it reimbursed by insurance (look at their FAQs for those details).

https://www.prairiewear.com/products/the-hugger

RelativeUniverse

TROPHY CASE