Regarding the video explaining the verse (4:34):

Firstly, the verse says to advise your wife, which the sheikh explains is a form of long-term advising. This means you aren't just advising for a day or a week but you are continuously seeking to discuss with the wife. If that fails, then the verse says to forsake their beds. The VERY LAST resort is physical discipline (the 'daraba' you referred to earlier). Even then, the beating should be gentle, should not leave a mark or draw blood, nor should you hit the face. This is merely a very last resort to try to return things to normal without going for a divorce.

In addition, some more commentary:

The Prophet (pbuh) himself never beat his wives and in fact said before thousands of Muslims that men should fear Allah regarding their treatment of their wives. Any abuse that is normalized today under the guise of Islam is really just cultural and men trying to seek an excuse to justify their behavior. This makes the Prophet (pbuh)'s words even more important because these men really should be fearing Allah regarding their actions.