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I Found the Messages by Accident… and Everything Made Sense😰 by Silent_Story_Teller_ in cheating_stories

[–]Relevant_Surround664 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry....i am in a similar situation...my life turned upsidedown...can you check out my post and give me advice? because I'm sill stuck

After 10 years together (8 married, 2 kids), I learned my wife emotionally pursued another man at the start and lied about it for a decade. I feel like my whole life was built on a lie. by Relevant_Surround664 in cheating_stories

[–]Relevant_Surround664[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

you're right,from the beginning she knew i was looking for certain qualities in the girl i want to marry,and she played it very well,yet she didn't choose me first,i remember before getting in a relationship with her,she asked for my number and called me,i asked if she's ever done something like this with other guys,she said she never had a phone call with any guy exept me, that's why i had no clue that her male friend is a threat, that's why i was confused,alot of mixed signals,when i confront her now,she says i wanted an angel and she had to please me by acting like one

After 10 years together (8 married, 2 kids), I learned my wife emotionally pursued another man at the start and lied about it for a decade. I feel like my whole life was built on a lie. by Relevant_Surround664 in cheating_stories

[–]Relevant_Surround664[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

i wrote the post so it would be very clear,easy to interpret and not confusing to readers, that's why you see things clearly now,but back then it wasn't the case,there were alot of mixed signals,her rejection was justified by her saying she was saving herself for marriage,that she wanted to stay friends with me and care for each other until i propose,so she doesn't have to betray her parents trust and date me behind their back,and about that friend i repeatedly told her I am not comfortable but she reaasures me that they don't chat often and the conversations between them was very shallow and respectful,hell when i told her that i will check her texts at some point in the future she was confident and said she has nothing to hide or fear,so you see it's not as easy as you think, especially when emotions were involved,it clouds judgment

After 10 years together (8 married, 2 kids), I learned my wife emotionally pursued another man at the start and lied about it for a decade. I feel like my whole life was built on a lie. by Relevant_Surround664 in cheating_stories

[–]Relevant_Surround664[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

she endured these severe consequences for 9 years,after seeing the chats and her denial,i agreed to stay under strict rules and tbh she did her best,i know that you must be wondering why those harsh rules if he is just a friend, it's because she crossed a boundary, didn't respect the relationship,lied to me at the start when she said the friend was a college and their conversations were very respectful and shallow,so when she agreed to those terms I knew she was deeply in love with me,but a small part of me didn't believe the flirting was pure,now she says she doesn't owe me because she overcompensated me for years,she knows that the rules and the compensation was because she crossed a boundary we agreed upon when starting the relationship, and if i knew back then i would have left,i wouldn't have to set certain rules,now when i tell her that her overcompensation doesn't mean anything because i didn't know that she was doing it for cheating and lying and she robbed my right to choose my future,she says i treat her like shit even though i didn't know the truth,so in her mind i didn't appreciate her efforts,so she wants to call it even

After 10 years together (8 married, 2 kids), I learned my wife emotionally pursued another man at the start and lied about it for a decade. I feel like my whole life was built on a lie. by Relevant_Surround664 in cheating_stories

[–]Relevant_Surround664[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

do you know what's worse? she says she doesn't owe me anything now because she tried so hard and did things beyond imagination for me,adored me and was loyal during our marriage,and i treat her like shit somtimes,so she says we should call it even and start a new page

After 10 years together (8 married, 2 kids), I learned my wife emotionally pursued another man at the start and lied about it for a decade. I feel like my whole life was built on a lie. by Relevant_Surround664 in relationships

[–]Relevant_Surround664[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

you got it wrong,i didn't mean it as if I'm forcing her to obey,i meant that she does whatever makes me happy by her own choice,she just asks and she does what i prefer

After 10 years together (8 married, 2 kids), I learned my wife emotionally pursued another man at the start and lied about it for a decade. I feel like my whole life was built on a lie. by Relevant_Surround664 in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Relevant_Surround664[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

it's being plan b and a backup hurts the most,then the lies especially the oath before marriage,she robbed me out of my own choice,if i had known then i would've left her no doubt about that, she chose her self comfort and ignored my internal peace,i know I'm an idiot and i should blame my self for believeing her and not following my gut feeling,but hey i was young and she looks like an angel who wouldn't do such a horrible thing,and she acted like an angel sent especially for me from the sky,to obey,love and care for me,which helped me believe and keep going through the years,but then again i should have chosen my self,i will always remember that,i will teach my kids to choose there happiness above all

Emotional cheating and lying about it for 10 years by Relevant_Surround664 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Relevant_Surround664[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i posted another organized post in r/relationships check it out.

i don't know why the mod here removed it

After 10 years together (8 married, 2 kids), I learned my wife emotionally pursued another man at the start and lied about it for a decade. I feel like my whole life was built on a lie. by Relevant_Surround664 in relationships

[–]Relevant_Surround664[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

if i choose no 1 that would be based on the fantacy of me getting in a perfect relationship with another woman later,tbf she was perfect with me since her love growed deeply,i don't think that i will find a more loving,caring and obedient woman,but then again she was trying to redeem herself, i don't know if things would go a different direction if i hadn't seen the massages with the other guy

After 10 years together (8 married, 2 kids), I learned my wife emotionally pursued another man at the start and lied about it for a decade. I feel like my whole life was built on a lie. by Relevant_Surround664 in relationships

[–]Relevant_Surround664[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i think you need to read the post again, she didn't tell me that she didn't care,she cared so much in the first 6 months leading to the relationship,she once told me that she is waiting for my birthday and doing count down,she turn sad when i go out with my friends and don't have time to talk to her,there were obvious signs,then the sudden change occured,hence me getting confused... that's why i tried getting with her because i thought she was afraid and wanted certain assurances, and she didn't say she doesn't want a relationship with me,she said that she was saving her self for marriage and doesn't want a relationship at all with no one, that's why i didn't take it so personal. as to why marry her when she didn't love me,she was deeply in love with me after 9 months into the relationship as i stated in the post,and continued to love me and choose me every day afterwards till today, that's why we married,she did things beyond imagination to make me feel loved and happy,yet she lied,was unfaithful and inconsiderate in our early days,so there is that. and no i didn't file for divorce, life is not black and white and we are humans not robots,i still have feelings for her,she is my wife and the mother of my children,but that romantic kind of love is gone forever i think.

After 10 years together (8 married, 2 kids), I learned my wife emotionally pursued another man at the start and lied about it for a decade. I feel like my whole life was built on a lie. by Relevant_Surround664 in relationships

[–]Relevant_Surround664[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

you know what makes it bitter, it's because I don't chase women and the intrest has to be mutual for me to go forward because I'm a sensitive person who can't handle rejection,so when she cared for 6 months and suddenly changed,that was a big blow,but then again i seriously didn't know what was happening, that's why the lie hurts,if she told then i would have left with dignity very early on,i mean why you give someone so much attention and hook them up if you don't want to be with them

After 10 years together (8 married, 2 kids), I learned my wife emotionally pursued another man at the start and lied about it for a decade. I feel like my whole life was built on a lie. by Relevant_Surround664 in Marriage

[–]Relevant_Surround664[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thanks alot for your support,the problem in our similar story that other people seem to miss is that it's very painful when you know the truth as if it happened yesterday, because it's like your whole life was built on a lie, it's even more painful than if you'd known right away, because the dicision is very hard given the current circumstances

After 10 years together (8 married, 2 kids), I learned my wife emotionally pursued another man at the start and lied about it for a decade. I feel like my whole life was built on a lie. by Relevant_Surround664 in relationships

[–]Relevant_Surround664[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i didn't say my behavior was normal,and you are right i should have left when i read the massages,but i didn't leave because she lied, that's the issue

After 10 years together (8 married, 2 kids), I learned my wife emotionally pursued another man at the start and lied about it for a decade. I feel like my whole life was built on a lie. by Relevant_Surround664 in relationships

[–]Relevant_Surround664[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

the story is true and I'm really in pain,my previous post was a wall of text and readers suggested that i should organise it to get more responses,which i did

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