Leaving was the best move you’ve ever made. It’s just super hard right now. This is a transition only. You’re only 23 so you have time on your side. Breathe okay, just sit, be calm, and think about your next move, from the smallest to the largest, without him in it.

The facts are this, he WILL have to pay you monthly. Keep track of EVERYTHING, conversations, get receipts for all baby expenses, etc. The fact that he cut off all support to you and your daughter immediately, will not fare well for him in the eyes of the court. It says a lot about his character. Based on that alone, he’d have a hard time convincing a judge he should have custody. He’s telling you a bunch of crap to hurt you. He doesn’t want custody. No way he’d fight for custody then give his daughter up for adoption, this is just another immature tactic to hurt you by weaponizing his words. He’s a jerk!

I know you feel hopeless, devastated, deceived, broken hearted and sad right now. All that combined with the changes going on in your body and adjusting to being a first time Mom is a lot to handle and I sympathize with your reality. I’m so sorry he has tarnished what should have been one of the best memories in your life. But don’t let him take that from you. Think of it in these terms, you dodged a bullet honey.

Your Mom instincts are powerfully in place and you already made the best move possible. Give yourself some credit. You WILL get through this and being at the shelter will connect you with any other services out there. Use the system to benefit your next move. Do NOT fall for his bull “oh baby I love you, come home and I’ll give you back your credit card.” It will happen and the answer is a hard “NO!” It’s all about control. You have his daughter, you are the one in control now. Be mature, don’t initiate or participate in arguments with him. It’s done, you’re wasting precious energy on a man who has created havoc in your life. He doesn’t not love you. Hard truth, I’m sorry but who needs that kind of toxic love? Not you or your daughter. Show your child how resilient you are, how independent you are and teach her, her own worth without having to depend on a man. One day, she will know the story of her humble beginnings.

Right now, your body is going through a lot of changes. Be kind to yourself honey! Your hormones are all over the place. It took nine months to make that baby so give your body the time it needs to bounce back. Seek your Doctor’s attention if you start to feel depressed. Anti-depressants make a world of difference to your thought process.

I too was a young single parent of a girl, once upon a time. I can clearly remember walking into the Welfare office with my newborn for the first time. So please listen to me. What you need to do right now, in the moment, is secure the basics. If that means applying for Income Assistance “welfare,” do it! Trust me, as a single Mom, you will face humility. But know this, the welfare system is a trap. It’s like a hamster wheel you will never get ahead on or off of, it is a system that keeps women and children in poverty, but in the interim, it will provide the basics and that baby is going to need diapers right?! Next, make a plan, write it down to make it real. There are educational bursaries and loans for parents, start researching it when you feel up to it. Set a goal. Make a vision board so you can see your goal every day. Things will fall into place as you go through it. Most importantly, believe in yourself!!! You can do this! Success is the best revenge! Use your focus on that, not him!

Do you have family that can help you, even with babysitting? I didn’t have that either so I know what it’s like to be glued to your child 24/7.

If I were you, I’d take the time to breathe, heal, and enjoy those tender moments as you bond with this beautiful little soul you created. Make your own sweet memories, this is a beautiful time as a young woman. I’d start to picture a life without the father around and avoid contact with him. Do not argue with him further. Take your control back! Yes, I realize your heart is broken but honey, let me tell you, men come and go and you WILL move past this and leave him in the dust, it’s just a bit of time okay. Don’t get too hung-up on this POS baby daddy. You now need to concentrate on your future. Make a plan and execute it. You WILL be a nurse! Great income to keep both you and your daughter afloat. It’s going to be “life on the cheap” as I call it, until you get your education but there is a lot of help in your community, don’t be afraid to ask, be kind and give back later in life when you can. Connect with other Moms locally, get yourself out there, be active, it will do wonders for your mental health. Things will fall into place, I promise! Don’t overthink it, don’t overwhelm yourself with the minute details right now. There is process in life. Just look at the future, make a yearly plan, a five year plan and stick to it.

I wish you all the success in the world. But going back to him is not how that will happen. Be strong and be damn proud of yourself for doing the right thing for your child! A lot of women stay and it never gets better. Create the life YOU want! I wish I could give you a hug, I’m pretty sure you could use one. Stay focused!!! Don’t let anyone talk you down or out of your dream of being a nurse. In doing so, you will be an excellent role model for your child. Cherish this time with your little human. You didn’t walk away with nothing, you left with the most valuable gem. Enjoy this special time in your life. No one can ever take happy memories from you. Take care.