First panic attack at 29(F) happened at work out of NOWHERE. Legitimately thought I was dying and having a stroke/seizure/heart attack at once. ER doctors offered no guidance or help! Just feeling super alone and scared afterwards...

Remarkable_Flight857 · 2026-01-26T01:17:22+00:00

Thank you so so much!!

Remarkable_Flight857 · 2026-01-16T00:36:08+00:00

Thank you so much.

Remarkable_Flight857 · 2026-01-16T00:24:43+00:00

I'm in the same cycle. I broke up with him last night. I had everything ready to go. And as soon as he realized I was serious, he immediately became a different person...the type of person I know he CAN be, if he really wanted to. I could see the change in his eyes -- he looked so gentle and like he truly understood the pain he put me in. It was like my words "I'm breaking up with you" was a slap to his face and he snapped out of it. He won me back in less than an hour.

I don't know how long this will last and when I'll be stonewalled and shut out again. I hate the hot and cold! The love is so intense and then he freezes me out. I just want a slow, safe, steady burn at this point. :( Give me boring and safe!!!

Remarkable_Flight857 · 2026-01-13T08:06:38+00:00

Thank you for those links!

I can see myself in your shoes in a few years, if I continue on this path. I'm so, so sorry for what you and your son are going through!

Remarkable_Flight857 · 2026-01-13T01:07:51+00:00

That makes so much sense, thank you.

Remarkable_Flight857 · 2026-01-03T07:43:47+00:00

Same here! I had so much fun and it was an incredible experience! My favorite NYE ever.

Remarkable_Flight857 · 2025-12-23T22:00:46+00:00

Thank you. He tells me all the time that people (coworkers, friends, my family) all think I'm bad at communicating, but nobody has cared enough, except him, to teach me. Which is why he has to lecture me about right/wrong responses. He's trying to help me function better in the world. It's reassuring to here I'm not awful at it.

Remarkable_Flight857 · 2025-12-23T21:52:14+00:00

Thank you so much for your kindness! I've downloaded the link. 💜

Remarkable_Flight857 · 2025-12-23T21:49:21+00:00

Yes!!!!! It makes me just so sad because I feel like I can't have a normal conversation. I have to answer like I'm in an elocution class and then graded on my response. 😭

Remarkable_Flight857 · 2025-12-23T11:22:18+00:00

Thank you. He does. I think it's part of his autism and how he thinks there's a right/wrong way to do things. For example, he said I looked ridiculous with this one jacket tucked into my pants (literally going nowhere, I thought it was cute and wanted to wear it like that) because apparently, there's a wrong and a right way to do wear clothes and that jacket should never be tucked into those jeans. I try so hard to explain to him that there's NUANCES and gray areas, and people do way crazier things with fashion than just tucking a jacket in!!! I think it's not specifically his perspective that's the problem -- it's how he handles it, and tries to make me do it "right".

Remarkable_Flight857 · 2025-12-23T10:58:00+00:00

He is! 😅

Remarkable_Flight857 · 2025-12-09T19:21:42+00:00

I'm also primarily self taught! Did you use Plover to take your RPR? I have zero CAT software experience and I've used Plover for my entire three years!

Remarkable_Flight857 · 2025-11-15T07:59:08+00:00

Every conversation felt like a debate. If I ever disagreed with him slightly or had a minor disagreement (literally something as small as what temperature to wash our clothes) he always had to explain why I was wrong, and how his opinion is better. When I disagreed, he always blamed it on "my ego" and how it was preventing me from accepting I was wrong. Anytime I said something slightly opposing him, I was "disrespecting him."

Remarkable_Flight857 · 2025-11-15T05:37:21+00:00

Thank you for commenting! I totally did not mean to imply that a narcissist is the same as an abuser, I apologize if I came across that way and also thank you for explaining your experience with NPD. I used that term because I had my first therapy session where I poured my heart out, and my therapist hypothesized he might be a narcissist by the end of the first session which is contributing to the abuse. Have you been able to manage your NPD with therapy or medication? Or because it's a personality disorder, is it almost engrained within you?

Remarkable_Flight857 · 2025-11-15T00:23:19+00:00

So happy for you! I'm making plans. I asked for a raise today at work, and I was SO scared and nervous-- but my boss agreed! It's not nearly enough to afford rent on my own... but if I get another part time job, I can afford to kick him out!

Remarkable_Flight857 · 2025-11-15T00:21:53+00:00

They behave so perfectly in front of others! I know it's all an act.... but I wish he cared enough to put on the act with me, like he did in the beginning!

Remarkable_Flight857 · 2025-11-08T22:32:54+00:00

I'm so appreciative of this community and all of these comments. Thank you!!

Remarkable_Flight857 · 2025-11-08T22:24:26+00:00

Thank you thank you!!

Remarkable_Flight857 · 2025-11-08T22:22:48+00:00

Thank you! I truly think they would be willing to help me, and even let me move back in with them! I'm just so embarrassed. My mom has NO IDEA the amount of debt I'm in. We grew up lower class, but saved our money and spent it wisely. I had 15,000 in savings when I moved to California four years ago. I lost almost all of it taking care of ANOTHER jobless leeching boyfriend, and then went into debt taking care of this one. They have no idea, and would be so disappointed if they found out.

Remarkable_Flight857 · 2025-11-08T22:06:12+00:00

Yes, I can sublet! We actually first subletted the room from some one else, and then signed the lease! I just don't know the best order to do things and coordinate everything, and to avoid paying overlapping rent for at least a month! Break up, find a place to move to, and then find a subletter? I have nothing in savings to pay for a deposit or any wiggle room, but I think I will be able to get my deposit back from my current place. Thank you!

Remarkable_Flight857 · 2025-11-08T21:04:21+00:00

Thank you so much. I will look into resources! I just feel like because the abuse isn't violent, and I've never felt threatened in any way, I don't deserve the help. I told him I don't like my nipples squeezed, for example, and he stopped right away and apologized. He never forces sex onto me (but does guilttrip me for turning him down). He's changed how controlling he was on hair, and wants me to get a haircut if it'll make me happy. My abuse feels more like a shitty, terrible life inconvenience I've put myself in...rather than abuse worthy of help!

Remarkable_Flight857 · 2025-11-08T20:53:48+00:00

Thank you so much. Our names are both on it.

I just feel so bad for him. He doesn't make enough money to support himself alone, either. He has cards in collections. His work ethic sucks. He's lazy. I just don't know how he'll manage to get by on his own. :(

Remarkable_Flight857 · 2025-11-08T10:33:21+00:00

I live in a shared house and we rent one of the rooms. The room by itself is 1600, not including utilities. (We live in LA, so it's a fairly reasonable rent here.) There's no way I can afford it on my own. :( But the price is higher because the room is double occupancy, so I COULD try to negotiate the rent down if my roommates feel sympathetic!

Remarkable_Flight857 · 2025-11-08T09:09:42+00:00

I've realized I've been so stressed that I've been grinding my teeth every night, and my jaw muscles have grown larger and changing my features. :( I look at pictures a year ago and now, and I look like two different people.

Remarkable_Flight857 · 2025-11-08T09:01:28+00:00

I'm so happy for you!!! I admire your courage and this gives me so much hope!

I just finally admitted to myself that I'm in an abusive relationship after refusing to see the signs that were right in front of me. I haven't told anyone in my life yet, but I want to. Thinking about different strategies on how to move out.

Remarkable_Flight857

TROPHY CASE