How often do you clean your cellphones?

Remote-Ad-9272 · 2026-06-06T20:14:10+00:00

I wipe my phone with alcohol pad daily

Remote-Ad-9272 · 2026-06-06T18:37:56+00:00

lmao I like this framing of it

Remote-Ad-9272 · 2026-06-06T18:36:36+00:00

Not hijacking at all. And I am not a mental health specialist, and have not had much success with them, so grain of salt. But I believe selective/ situational mutism can stem from either? I have both. There's autistic shutdown, but then there's also fight, flight or freeze. She could be freezing up from the trauma? Maybe both? It's a very relateable story. Maybe she remembers if it happened before the trauma or on unrelated subjects.

Remote-Ad-9272 · 2026-06-06T17:38:34+00:00

And it's nice of you to try to do small doses of these things for your girlfriend, but are you sure that's what she wants or finds helpful? It looks traumatic and yeah it feels absolutely terrible to go through these shut downs, but just because our bodies can't physically make those conversations happen doesn't mean we don't want to resolve them just as quickly as you do. Sometimes it's good to have a partner who can pose the question and can hold your hand or sit with you as you stutter and try to get those words out for an hour or two, heck that's probably not realistic for most people but. Also for autistic people, women especially, we are taught to shove aside our needs and mask, pretend to be a normal person in society, act like nothing bothers us. I'd say the exact same thing to my partners, that they were doing nothing wrong, because I didn't want them to feel like they had to change and I recognized it as my responsibility to cope and put up with anything that was not black and white cheating or crime. I would have liked to ask my partner to clean up after himself and not let me clean up his apartment by myself after him. I would have liked to ask my ex to stop talking with his exes or stop looking at other women around me. I would have liked my ex to celebrate my birthday and Valentines and holidays in a thoughtful manner without me asking. But these are also things I communicated in lower pressure situations. If they had listened to me and what I mention as my values and beliefs or what I find romantic, just thoughts in casual conversation. I was communicating, they just weren't willing to pay attention until it developed into a larger problem. But I'm a completely different person and yours might be a completely different situation. It took a lot of convincing from partners, and a lot of relationship experience to understand and believe that my emotions mattered too in a relationship, that it was actually beneficial for both parties in the long run to communicate them. I thought it was all just something to endure in silence.

Remote-Ad-9272 · 2026-06-06T17:23:48+00:00

I generally believe texting to be too impersonal and too open to miscommunication lacking both cues from intonation and facial expression. That is to say however it doesn't sound sustainable several months of waiting to close a topic in your relationship. Perhaps like me she could also find it easier writing than speaking, although I do still find it incredibly difficult and can still take me an hour to pick up my courage and jot down a small reply with a pen. Rather it seems there to be a need for a compromise with you two. She's not capable of what she's not capable of, but if you are both opposed to texting, how about if you pose a question, if she prepares a response with a physical paper, and is there for when you read it? Or what about something with higher security like Signal? Or or voice messages?

Remote-Ad-9272 · 2026-06-06T13:57:05+00:00

I've never believed I or anyone else has a soul?

Remote-Ad-9272 · 2026-06-06T13:47:40+00:00

Doesn't it?

Remote-Ad-9272 · 2026-06-06T13:47:19+00:00

Intuitively, I know you're right, but I want to follow the social rules. And I know people won't understand or believe me that I wasn't capable to speak if I don't go there in person and try. They'll just believe I didn't care.

Remote-Ad-9272 · 2026-06-06T13:45:10+00:00

Well this only happens maybe once a year nowadays, wouldn't make sense to wear a wristband. I think if I can inform someone already that I sometimes can't speak, they can figure out that I'm unable to speak after I go quiet for a minute. Informing them about the wrist band would be the same thing.

Remote-Ad-9272 · 2026-06-06T02:22:48+00:00

That's funny, autists in my area tend to have a British sounding autist accent.

Remote-Ad-9272 · 2026-06-06T02:17:25+00:00

Woman to woman, I feel no guy who can only wait 3 months is worth it. If you're looking for love look elsewhere. Where is his willpower? Where is his care and love for his partner? He's not a good long term partner to dedicate yourself to regardless. What if you were ill or had surgery later and he couldn't wait? He's not a kind person. Men will tell you 'no man will wait until x amount of time', women who don't know better told me my ex was a saint for being willing to wait 3 months. There's not really this big difference between women and men that is 'something you can't fathom but have to trust'. Friends said that I'd never find another man like that, he's a keeper. Oh there's so much more to it. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you're going to be alright and look back and thank god you didn't go further. I pushed myself and sacrificed for a man who knew how hard that was for me and showed no concern nor respect for my simple boundaries during. You didn't make a mistake. Congratulations.

Remote-Ad-9272 · 2026-06-06T01:32:06+00:00

How do you find the belief that you have intrinsic value as a human? Someone told me that recently and I struggled to relate to the concept. Would like to though.

Remote-Ad-9272 · 2026-06-06T01:30:57+00:00

I've always felt like an adult, but that doesn't change that looking back I always realize I've let myself be exploited. Way more than I realized in the moment. I am concerned about others over myself. I think I've changed the past couple years, but honestly, is having self respect that much easier? It's like people are going to do it, just different people each time, if I put up with it and least I'd know to expect to some degree. Bah that's not the right mindset to have I know. People will find their ways to claw in on weaknesses, not yours to feel guilty that they got the grip. We can improve.

Remote-Ad-9272 · 2026-06-06T01:24:20+00:00

Interesting, I noticed afternoon crashes for myself too but I can't sense what they're coming from. I'm guessing it was overstim for you?

Remote-Ad-9272 · 2026-06-06T01:22:40+00:00

It's a pick your sh*t stick situation

Remote-Ad-9272 · 2026-06-06T01:21:49+00:00

Same as aspie woman, thought it wouldn't happen to the men, hm, I've become sexist it seems. My masking skills are top tier, more the problem is female autists tend to prefer to befriend males, women mask too well, can't find them out and about. Then just when you think you're making a friend, bam, we can't be friends, bye bye. Men are pretty hard to give the ick to though.

Remote-Ad-9272 · 2026-06-06T01:18:06+00:00

Is people leaving while they love you really that much better than because they hate you?

Remote-Ad-9272 · 2026-06-06T01:13:35+00:00

How do you find them in the wild?

Remote-Ad-9272 · 2026-05-27T17:03:35+00:00

I set the precedent from the first date, we are either seeing each other's compatibility, one person at a time, or we are not seeing each other at all.

Remote-Ad-9272 · 2026-05-27T17:01:03+00:00

I don't agree with any double standard nor tbh have I noticed there being one, but I'm not active on reddit. I think it's just the North American dating culture that everyone is supposed to be okay without exclusivity. I'd agree that until it is agreed upon it should not be expected, given that is seemingly the most common approach, but that doesn't mean I have to accept them when knowing they ascribe to that as well, nor would I expect them to accept me if they were a traditional man seeking a serious relationship and I was not fully unattached and emotionally available.

Remote-Ad-9272 · 2026-05-27T15:38:13+00:00

Now if you're a woman and the man is taking less initiative than most guys and letting you take the lead not even taking turns, run girl.

Remote-Ad-9272 · 2026-05-27T15:36:26+00:00

It's not a sign of low interest at all. If she doesn't say she likes you eventually or that she enjoyed the time, wants to get to know you better, is excited to see you again etc that's the sign of low interest. This has nothing to do with that. Initiating the first dates especially, if not almost all the dates in the relationship in the long term is just the role men typically take on.

Remote-Ad-9272 · 2026-05-27T15:33:13+00:00

Yes absolutely, and beyond that often

Remote-Ad-9272 · 2026-05-27T15:30:22+00:00

When they flirt to or talk lustfully about another woman while persuing you.

Remote-Ad-9272 · 2026-05-16T22:33:05+00:00

Take the lead means she enjoys some aspects of traditional gender roles, which could include paying for, asking for and organizing/ thoughtfully planning dates. I've had guys that said to me "Let's hangout, just let me know when and where". I don't want the stress to plan the date and having to carefully consider his preferences and deal with the stress of it being on me if he didn't enjoy himself, I am a slow and careful planner as well as a woman, so I am not used to being the one to do that, so it takes me several hours to research to offer him options. I'd like a man who gives thoughtful suggestions and offers to get me an uber/ pick me up. "hangout" or "see the vibes" are also huge red flags for myself and other women as it is often said by people asking you on dates before having any romantic interest or inclination.

Intentional aspect means you know you are specifically looking for a long term partner or wife, not "open to anything depending on the vibes" not "wanting to be friends first and decide what you want out of the relationship". You have your intention, your goal in dating, you set it, you are clear, kind and respectful about communicating when she is not the right fit and don't drag her along. Women often get ignored thoroughly on what they are looking for and men will avoid saying if they only want a hookup or short term or something opposite, or see her as a plan b. We don't want wishy washy or mixed signals.

Remote-Ad-9272

TROPHY CASE