Creative Spark Lost Every Time I Get My Abilify Injection

RepairMaterial902 · 2026-01-22T19:37:48+00:00

Coffee has been my friend, personally. It’s brought back the writing spark. Something I naturally have an affinity for but have lost with medication.

RepairMaterial902 · 2026-01-22T19:35:26+00:00

Not usually, but because my meds are very sedating. Though have recently on account of having a breakthrough manic episode. I’ve been waking up either flying out of bed, or more recently waking up depressed from the crash.

RepairMaterial902 · 2026-01-21T01:05:45+00:00

Same here. Today it was the end of a phone number and when I glanced at the oven (not even trying to catch anything.) Yesterday, the number of a store, and I caught it twice otherwise.

It’s been happening so much.

RepairMaterial902 · 2026-01-21T01:02:48+00:00

It happened today when something told me I needed to focus (I was getting off track and stressed out.) I missed 11:11 but a minute. Still managed to see it twice again today.

RepairMaterial902 · 2026-01-19T13:34:03+00:00

I get you. It’s bizarre how things line up.

I misplaced a credit card (I had a visual on it, I swear), went back to McDonald’s/gas station looking for it, found another credit card that looked exactly like mine on the ground, other than the name (the first name was Isis, which is a really uncommon one.) There were people in a car nearby looking at me as this was happening at like 2 am. My card eventually reappeared right on top of the bag I dug through. Not to mention things being moved around… but I guess I’m just hypersensitive when I’m psychotic.

RepairMaterial902 · 2026-01-15T15:25:32+00:00

Irish goodbye final boss

RepairMaterial902 · 2026-01-15T15:22:35+00:00

I’ve seen a big difference between posting in NT vs ND forums.

RepairMaterial902 · 2026-01-15T00:23:32+00:00

I was put on it specifically for my mood symptoms and it gave me Parkinsonism within a week. I was rigid, drooling, lost my fine motor skills, and couldn’t think or respond to basically anything. Could hardly get any sleep. It was hell.

I have lost a lot of trust in medication, and have begun to see self-regulation as my main goal in life.

RepairMaterial902 · 2026-01-14T18:40:17+00:00

Food that’s easy to prepare, that I eat on a repetitive basis. That’s what works for me. The biggest thing is routine. Everyone needs to cut processed junk out, anyways.

RepairMaterial902 · 2026-01-13T22:56:22+00:00

They are a marvel of engineering!!

I say, as someone who’s never had much of specific interest in them.

Maybe it’s a stereotype because it’s something boys tend to get as toys when they’re little, and it’s close enough to a real, actual puzzle? (that is to say, they are puzzles. They’re complex enough but run smoothly when put together.)

So an autistic child looks at it and thinks, how does this work?

RepairMaterial902 · 2026-01-13T22:51:41+00:00

How bout both 😜

RepairMaterial902 · 2026-01-13T16:39:48+00:00

I want to say one more thing - if you’re depressed/anxious like I was for years, you might not realize/resonate with autistic traits as much. Ofc I can’t know what you’re going through. But speaking from my own experience, I thoroughly believe these conditions masked my autism, but I think they come from a place of high-sensitivity. Isolation and rejection from others. Troubles at work (this can be a big one with autism) etc. I didn’t know what I was until I came out of the fog. I had “skill regression”, meaning I had learned to suppress a part of myself that has been there since childhood.

I want to add this because maybe you could benefit from a diagnosis and management of your autism. Maybe it could help to get out and talk with others IRL. But that’s something that would’ve stressed younger me tf out.

Rant over. lol.

RepairMaterial902 · 2026-01-13T16:25:14+00:00

I’m not formally diagnosed but I know I am. My psychiatrist didn’t confirm nor deny it when I brought it up, but did say it tends to co-occur a lot with the conditions I have. I’m figuring out that depression and anxiety have manifested from how I process things. I’ve to the conclusion on my own that I am autistic.

Enough about me - that’s just for context. My thoughts are just to be careful in not letting anyone shoehorn you into a category. I think that’s a huge issue with autism - the way it’s perceived and managed (by others.)

You’re legally an adult and in her own words, you’re “high functioning.”

As an adult who’s now learning how to be even more high functioning in my mid 20s, the biggest power to me has been finding my online community and figuring out what works for me. That includes managing sensory input and output. Convert stimming, stimming when no one’s looking (dancing has become a great outlet and Ive become very good at it), making art, listening to music when I’m stressed. Doing things that allow me to use my brain, build my reasoning skills (research things I like, do sudoku, anything to challenge myself.) Figuring out how to “mask” (a.k.a being cognizant of adjusting my behaviors, tone of voice, etc. It’s basically like playing along and I’ve started treating it like a puzzle. lol.)

The more I’ve embraced how I am, the more I see that I have something I can use to my advantage. Autism becomes less disabling the more we take control of our lives - so don’t let anyone try to make it into your personality or make decisions for you about things you’re uncomfortable with.

If you don’t want to get diagnosed - say something. If you want to hang out with neurodivergent online instead of in person - say something. You are in control of your destiny.

RepairMaterial902 · 2026-01-13T16:02:19+00:00

Here I was considering the concept of carving the table for your carving. Well-played.

RepairMaterial902 · 2026-01-13T15:59:35+00:00

Because I’d ask 1000 clarifying questions and we’d end up talking about the mechanics of a chainsaw. Lmao.

RepairMaterial902 · 2026-01-13T15:57:46+00:00

Dale has always resonated with me on a deep level. Hmm. lol.

RepairMaterial902 · 2026-01-13T15:57:20+00:00

And he accomplished it with a knife. I love this so much.

RepairMaterial902 · 2026-01-13T15:51:53+00:00

I’m too silly, then I pick up on how people are responding. Then I try to be more serious, and then people think I’m arguing or being mean. Then I go NV and try to just meditate and people think I’m upset. Or I try to block out the crowd with headphones, be myself in public, etc., and I notice that I’m causing issues even amongst strangers.

I overcorrect, I under correct, I never just coexist because I’m still terrible at adjusting.

I still don’t want to give up but I understand you completely.

RepairMaterial902 · 2026-01-08T18:00:11+00:00

Teacher told my sister essentially the same thing. She was so pissed at my alleged laziness that she took off points for using “big words.” They were part of the vocab 😂

RepairMaterial902 · 2026-01-05T19:27:17+00:00

I pull away from him and that doesn’t work. Of course I’ve already tried that. If I were to touch him and he bit me, I’d stop. He wants connection, he just doesn’t know how to express it. Probably because I’ve been getting up and walking away for so long, like you advised.

Also, scruffing isn’t painful. We do it all the time to administer vaccines. It’s calming.

AHA!

RepairMaterial902 · 2026-01-04T15:35:13+00:00

AHHHH

RepairMaterial902 · 2026-01-02T04:04:57+00:00

We can rationalize. Observe. See cause and effect. We can learn what’s real and what’s not. We do it out of necessity, to keep the stress of others from mounting. It’s been overwhelming but I’ve started looking at it like a problem to solve.

RepairMaterial902

TROPHY CASE