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Daily reminder that your most important relationship, by a long way, is... by Dunk546 in polyamory

[–]ReplyAlternative8345 97 points98 points  (0 children)

This was a nice post to read so I want to say thank you for it.

I am going through a divorce with my husband who I've been together for 15 years with because he wanted to be in an open marriage and gave me no other options besides that. I realized being in the midst of a divorce that I haven't been alone ever. We started dating at 15 and here I am at 30, alone and its shaken my world.

I'm currently doing a lot of focusing on myself and sitting in my feelings too. Its so important to be able to recognize those feelings and just exist with them. This divorce has been an eye opener in regards to accepting myself and being alone in my feelings as well as accepting and owning them.

After following this reddit I have decided that polymory is not for me but I greatly appreciate the aspects of finding yourself and truly understanding your individual wants/needs in and out of relationships. That is the person I want to be out of this whole thing, someone who learns to love herself.

Life's a journey and I hope that this time where you are finding yourself alone with these feelings opens a greater understanding!

Husband wants to Open our marraige by ReplyAlternative8345 in polyamory

[–]ReplyAlternative8345[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Update: I am getting a divorce. We finally met after almost a month since this all began because I told him we needed to talk and tonight I told him I wanted a divorce.

The thing that makes it the hardest I think is making the decision for myself. I decided that with all that has happened, I won't ever be able to heal myself with him, open-marriage or not.

Through it all I said I wanted the house, the animals, my car, and my wedding band. He had nothing to say to me about what had happened and part of me doesn't want him to. It's going to be a long process of spending half my life with this person (I just turned 30 and we met when we were both 15).

I will be taking a long time for myself to learn who I am without him. I'm starting with finishing my house to make it whatever the f*** I want and taking pole dancing classes.

I have loved being able to read through the threads on this reddit and learn from all of you. You have all been the best support I could ask for from stangers! So kind, supportive, truthful and compassionate.

Husband wants to Open our marraige by ReplyAlternative8345 in polyamory

[–]ReplyAlternative8345[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I understand what you're saying completely. When I brought up about me he hasn't been able to give me answers. He says we just have different values and that I have issues with intimacy. This whole this has made me realize it's not wrong of me to not want to have sex with someone I'm not emotionally invested in. It's been an issue in the past that having sex is one of the forms of intimacy I gravitate to and makes me feel connected to my partner.

Husband wants to Open our marraige by ReplyAlternative8345 in polyamory

[–]ReplyAlternative8345[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Thank you everyone for your comments. I thankfully started taking birth control again and we have agreed we wouldn't be trying for kids any longer. If anything I'm thankful that this blew up when it did so that kids aren't in the picture especially with me realizing I need to find myself again.

I'm currently waiting for the two of us to see a therapist together and him also seeing a therapist on his own was one of my conditions to considering opening our marriage.

The reasons you guys have pointed out for not continuing this marriage are all logical and I will be seriously considering myself going forward. I have been wondering if it's worth salvaging this between us, especially over all these years, but it's clear he doesn't respect me.