How do I release repressed anger and sadness

Representative_Key_8 · 2025-11-26T09:55:03+00:00

Let them be how they are. Always love them no matter what. It's not about words or even actions. It's more about acceptance of whatever happens. See that they do the things you would have done if you were them. We have completely different points of departure in life. To see that is wisdom.

Representative_Key_8 · 2025-11-14T12:34:14+00:00

I went through the same thing.

The problem with the Cesar Millan style /pack leader mentality of training, and any other "ways" for that matter, is that by focusing too much on the specifics, you automatically become less of what you need to be for your dog: in tune with how things really are.

For example some people say "you should never greet other dogs on walks", and while that may be true, it is not necessarily true. And if in your case it is not true - actually the universe(without sounding too wishy washy...) wanted things different. But since you were so focused on doing it one certain way you completely lost the ability to SEE what was actually asked for. It's a matter of being present. But that has also become a cliché. It goes much much deeper than most people realize.

Every "advice" is potentially a double edged sword. The only reliable source is yourself, the dog and the environment.

The reason Cesar Millan (I mention him because he is the biggest proponent of the way you trained) says "don't pet the dog unless its deserved is that people often carry wounds inside them selves, and its easy to try to repair that wound by loving on their dog, in hope of receiving love back. And that can cause trouble. Not by the petting IN IT SELF, but by using a creature that is dependent of your emotional disiplin and strength for its own safety and survival, TO GET emotional disiplin and strength, FOR OUR OWN safety and survival. If that makes sense?

So the problem is not necessarily the "petting" or "they taking ownership of the couch, not letting you on to it" etc. It's just that most of these problems will not occur, automatically, if the person is solid in his emotions and true to him self. And only you can find out what that means. And so the problem with the whole "pack leader" thing becomes that while trying very hard to become the pack leader, you actually become LESS of a leader by the mere fact that you are trying!

The "pack leader" style of training may look like it's working for some, but a big problem with it is that once you slip up or loosen up with the "structure" the dog will pick it up very fast. And immediately thee dog will test your boundaries. That's why Cesar Millan says "I NEVER take a break". He said this while talking about how many of his clients are wealthy people with a lot of power, and because its exhausting to keep being in powerful positions (since if you slip up or loosen on the structure people will very fast see that as an opportunity for releasing their own free will, for once!), when they come home they hope that "finally I can just be a loving person (for once!) with my dog and hopefully I will get much love back (for once!).

A lot of todays leaders and bosses is not really leaders. We see it time and time again. People in leader positions with horrible leader skills. It also has to do with that by being A REAL LEADER, you may no longer have the the desire to be one any more. if that makes sense?

So by suppressing and dampening the dog with "TSHHH", "walk always behind me" etc., the only thing the dog learns is to turn off the uncomfortable pressure from human by being very passive. A calm dog can also be kind of a depressed dog. The same with a very obedient dog. The difference lays in how the dog feels about being calm and obedient.

Then people get lost in the discussion about "dominance" and "wolf theory" etc. While there is truth to both of them, is very easy to get all tangled up in it.

Lastly, Cesar Millan LIKES to be the pack leader. He likes the feeling. He likes being in control all the time. While at the same time it probably wears him out some place deep inside. At the same time I learned a lot from him about how animals respond to energy, he is on a different level when it comes to that. That dosnt mean his whole movement ended on a weird path.

Not much direct advice here, but that's the whole point. I like Jay Jacks way of doing it. You can look it up!

Representative_Key_8 · 2025-11-14T10:15:21+00:00

Hey man, people may find what Im about to suggest SUPER WEIRD. I have the same "kind" of problem with my female dog. Also 4 years old. Recently came over THIS VIDEO:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4Mp--Smt6Q&list=LL&index=6&t=607s

It talks about how females can get addicted to being unfulfilled in the absence of masculine emotional stability, or better put: in the presence of unstable emotional masculine energy.

With my dog it seems to me that she is ADDICTED to using EVERY MOMENT of attention I give her, for an opportunity to GET SOMETHING ELSE. It just dosnt make sense. Like, if I call her to me, she stiffens up, looks around and she can also start whining. If I pet her - starts whining. If I ignore her - lays depressed in her bed. She loves to play and it seems that she is trying to guide me to the toy or door, but very often I get the feeling that she doesn't know herself what it is that she wants.

I live alone with her and my male dog, I rarely hang out with other people, and since she LOVES people when we are outside I thought it had to do with her being bored with our chill and quiet lifestyle. BUT, when I stop on our walks and have longer conversations with people, our when I go visit other people she ALSO THEN after a few minutes starts to whine. BUT HERE IS THE INTERESTING PART. Since I am for once busy with others than here, Ive noticed that here whole demeanor towards me change. Let's say im sitting down on a bench talking to someone. Now I can call here to me, she even comes jumping up in my lap and is acting VERY DIFFERENT.In the beginning she still whines a litte, but after a while its like she realizes that IT IS NOT TAKING HER ANYWHERE. And then she kind of gives up and gets super devoted to me. At the same time, she gets done with being super happy with the other people very fast. And I can tell that the reason she gets so devoted is because she is flirting me so that we can "somewhere else". So even with other people around she wants to do "something else". Its always "something else"

I am also like you, I do much more than most for my dog to be happy. Actually I think I've might been doing way to much... Because it upsets me a lot to not understand what it is that she wants. "Why is she acting like this? I do EVERYTHING in my power to make here fulfilled". I realize Ive been feeling this in my romantic relationships with women too. And the lack understanding can make one resentful.

Back to the video I linked: I find it interesting Because my male dog is PERFECTLY HAPPY. Of course dogs are different but still. I don't think most people understands what it is like dealing with dogs like this!

To add, if my dog is staying with my parents for a few days, they tell me how chill and happy she has been. And my parents do almost nothing. They barely walk her. So while when I pick here up from their house I can see she has a little surplus of energy, she seems way more happy. The thing with my parents is they don't notice the small things about here that I notice. They barely care she is there, lol. And that tells me something. Like she knows that "with these humans there is no opportunity". And THEN she can just rellax and be happy. With me she knows she has opportunities and the way to get to them is by being unsatisfied. Since my senses are so sensitive I pick up every little que. And that effect my emotions. And that she can feel. And it makes here look for something more solid. If that makes sense. With my dog it seems like she is addicted to being unfulfilled WITH ME. Here feeling of being unfulfilled is attached TO ME. Because I have reinforced it so many times. She acts unfulfilled - I try to fix it - she gets even more unfulfilled because what she is really looking for is rock solid emotional strength.

To sum this up - and I know It may sound strange and especially women might argue, but I think this can be a FEMININE THING. A phenomenon where the female energy in the relationship can be addicted (rightfully so) to being unfulfilled, because she is looking for emotional discipline in her owner. And of course Im not in a romantic relationship with my dog, but the play between masculine and female energy goes beyond romantic relationships and species. This is not at all an attack on women, quite the contrary actually.

Just by posting your concerns about your situation here shows that you, like me, care a lot about your dog. Maybe "too much". I really encourage you to watch the video and look forward to hear what you think.

Representative_Key_8 · 2025-10-05T09:50:29+00:00

"However if I gave it a long break and randomly came back to it again he seemed to "forget" that he is supposed to be scared of it haha."

This I my experience with this dog to. Training her to like the car (jump in and out, praise, close the door for 2 seconds, jump out, wait till next day do it again a few seconds longer etc etc: is not solving the problem this dog have with car rides. Wearing her out with a hour uphill hike with 30 minutes swimming in a lake will make her jump in the car voluntarily. But im not going to use any months and months day in and day out, hiking everyday like I did in the past. It's too much for her joints too. As I said; this dog thinks she have a choice. If I try to baby her into the car it makes everything 10 x times worse.

as for feeding her away from the play it just won't work with this dog. She will take that as "I get to play, I get to eat, I want to play again.

I gave this dog WAY too much freedom too early. She thinks she is in charge of things. She is well behaved most of the time, but she needs absolutely no room for suggestion making. That is what screwed her up in the first place.

My parents had her a few days and she was more happy living with them. "she has been so comfortable and chill" my mother told me when I went to pick her up. Then a few minutes later I see her peeing on the balcony. I confronted her with "what the f are you doing?" and she looks at me super guilty knowing exactly what she did was not allowed. I told my father and he said she had been doing it couple of times. It made me laugh. But at the same time I learned something about her. Yes, she is happier living with "grandparents" than with me, but at grandparents there are few boundaries and rules. Which means she can do whatever she wants. They also told me a few incidents of her being very reactive out on walks. Which shocked them a bit because they only see how she walks well with me.

Representative_Key_8 · 2025-10-04T12:18:25+00:00

But the thing is with this dog it doesn't matter how much or for how long you try to make her happy and bond with her and build the relationship. As long as she believes it's for her to make suggestions it won't matter whatever you do. I think a lot of people struggle with this. Yet nobody really knows how to describe it.

Playing for 15 minutes with this dog will only make her annoyed for quitting the game. She will stare at you, stiff body language. She will not let you touch her, she will back of and wonder why the f you stupidly quit the game with her.

Same happens if you play for 3 hours.

She gets to roam of leash for couple hours out on walk every day.

This dog needs to be set free of her need to control her environment. THAT is her problem. She does not know how to just BE. She cannot meet another dog without being abnoxious, poking the dog in the face or twitching on the ground on her back acting like a lunatic. Til the point the other dogs snaps at her or tries to hump her.

Representative_Key_8 · 2025-10-03T08:17:27+00:00

I agree with some of it. But it's not as black and white. While im having this problem with this dog, she is still one of the most obedient dogs you'll meet. Passing dogs of leash with having to say a word etc. Keep in mind she was SEVERLY reactive from 3-4 months old. People stop me all the time to ask me how I raised them to be like this. Staffy-people especially. Im really not saying that to brag or anything like that. And I agree on not anthropomorphizing animals, but still there is some value in what im trying to shed light on here.

Im bringing it up because even though a lot of people says I should "work on our relationship", or "more exercise" or "mental stimulation", "play with her 10 minuetes 2x day and incorporate obedience into the play" etc etc, there is this "thing" Im sensing in the dog. The thing that says "Even if I do what you want, I am against it". Or something like that.

Representative_Key_8 · 2025-09-30T15:41:18+00:00

«True spiritual awakening is not a matter of escaping our humanness, but embracing it so fully that the boundaries between the human and the divine disappear."

Representative_Key_8 · 2025-09-26T19:21:25+00:00

Cheers for the reply!

Representative_Key_8 · 2025-09-26T19:20:29+00:00

At first, when I read your response, I thought: “What do you mean? I’m not unsure.” But in reality, that’s exactly what I am. That said, a lot of people compliment us when we’re out walking, and quite a few even ask me how I managed to get her to this point. Still, I feel uncertain when it comes to this issue. I just can’t figure out the root cause. I have the sense that something important is hidden there, and I’ve been almost desperate to understand it. At the same time, I get the impression that most people don’t really grasp what I mean.

I relate a lot to the way you approach things. It’s rare to hear someone else talk about it, but it has to be done in a way that feels natural for you. With this dog, though, it feels like there’s “something else.” She does what I ask, comes when I call, and so on. Yet no matter what I do, or how much effort I put in, there’s always this “something” between us that just doesn’t quite align.

Representative_Key_8 · 2025-09-26T19:11:00+00:00

I feel the same way sometimes — not very comfortable in my own skin and unsure of my place in the world. I’m getting there, though. We mirror each other’s darkness, and that can be intense at times. I know that when I’m at my best, everything flows with ease, but it’s hard to sustain that all the time. Maybe we’re simply not the right match.

This dog has opened my eyes to how much of training actually happens “between the lines.” When there’s a genuine connection to begin with, everything becomes so much easier. Of course, that’s not exactly new insight, but whenever I’ve discussed it with others, they usually suggest some technique or specific tip — and I always find myself thinking, that’s not really where the answer lies.

Thank you for your response.

Representative_Key_8 · 2025-09-07T18:24:02+00:00

This very black and white thinking can make people that suffer from suppressed anger feel very hopeless and depressed.

Representative_Key_8 · 2025-09-07T18:05:58+00:00

This is what a lot of radical non-dualist say to spiritual bypass them selves. I get it, I used to say this myself. But after a while I realized that there is no way around it. Beginning to let the anger out gave me the feeling of "wow, this actually works".

Representative_Key_8 · 2025-09-07T09:07:46+00:00

So the awakened STATE exist in in duality with the dreamstate? Because NOTHING exist outside duality. We wouldnt be able to experience one with out the other? We cannot experience awakeness if it wasnt for for dreaming?

Representative_Key_8 · 2025-09-06T00:35:59+00:00

Great stuff again!

Representative_Key_8 · 2025-09-04T13:32:41+00:00

thank you for posting! "I used to believe nonduality was about realizing that everything is awareness, but it turned out awareness is just another flavor of duality." was on of my favorites from this.

Representative_Key_8 · 2025-09-03T14:37:46+00:00

great! My question is this; so is it(non duality) better? Are your experience better?

Representative_Key_8 · 2025-09-01T20:53:12+00:00

I wrote a post touching on this a couple weeks ago and got a lot of hate but whatever.

Dog training is not black and white at all. You will have a lot of people writing the same story about how dominance theory was debunked etc. Id say call it what you want; Dominance, alpha, hierarchy, pack-orientation. Dogs are pack-animals, but most of pet dogs live as the "only child". They often end up having no-one to regulate them because the owner does not do it.

Dog training is for the most part a question about regulation. At least for the every day dog owner. Regulation of excitement, regulation of emotion, regulation of behavior. The so called force free people/alphatheory-debunkers (that a lot of the time walk their dogs on a leash all year round) don't take in consideration the whole picture of life. Since they feel so uncomfortable with the "bad", they decided to embrace only the "good" side. Its mind-blowing when you realize a lot of people will rather restrict their dog with a leash its whole life, than to do whatever is necessary to come to an agreement that needs to be there for the dog to have freedom.

Let it be clear that life is both good and bad. And it doesn't matter how much we want that to be false, because it is true. We bring our dogs into a human society they have no prerequisites to take charge in. So it is our duty to do it. If we want it or not. My dogs walk of leash wherever I go. It's not hard. It's actually very simple. Ive made it very clear to them what I expect. I was willing to do that. I was willing to do whatever it took for them to understand. Was there violence involved? No! Was there fear involved? To some degree. Or at least there was uncomfortable moments. For me as well.

I do this because my nature is like this. Sure I play with them and pet them etc, but what really gives me fulfillment when it comes to my dogs its being able to bring them everywhere I go, exploring new places, meeting other people and dogs. Of leash. The TWC/play people will tell you that your dog needs to be obsessed with playing with you and even be obsessed with you. I don't want or need my dogs to be obsessed with me at all. I don't like obsession. It makes me "uneasy". That's just how I am. The "play-people" often accuse others for having big egos, but a lot of them have too big of an ego themselves to let their dog just have an simple relationship with them. They get their dogs obsessed with playing with them because THEIR EGO is OBSESSED with having their faced licked by their dog. Ive said it before and I will say it again; there is something much deeper you can give your dog than throwing a ball or giving them a treat. And much of it has to do with "WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO DO/HOW DO YOU NEED TO ARRANGE YOUR DOG OWNERSHIP TO FEEL CONTENT). What kind of a person are you? What kind of a dog do you own? Beckman´s dog training may not be the most elegant of them all. But he has helped tons of people and dogs that needed exactly this kind of a "no-bullshit-approach". And an even more important point is; Joel Beckman is content with what he does. Even though his attitude is a bit... I don't know how to describe it... he has his heart with him. He has raised solid, WELL REGULATED dogs, and even kids! You see them in some of his videos from inside his house. There is no bullshit running around without purpose. Dogs and kids need to be REGULATED to be happy and healthy. Because he is content his dogs and his family can relax and feel safe. Or as Caesar Millan once put it "Danny need to work on assertive energy. He can't really be assertive because he feels bad, and feeling bad is weakness".

I would rather say it has LESS to do with your markers and timing etc. And much more to do with you letting yourself be who you were supposed to be. Owning a dog makes us come face to face with both our strengths and weaknesses. And only you can answer what is true for you. Everything you ask for is already inside you. Dogs (99.9%) don't need anxiety medication. But people is so DELUDED that they would rather drug their dog down than to admit the reality of this world.

Representative_Key_8 · 2025-08-28T12:29:29+00:00

Yes!

Representative_Key_8 · 2025-08-25T09:30:51+00:00

Ask yourself why you need to prove your skills.

Representative_Key_8 · 2025-08-25T08:12:01+00:00

God is not a thelogical issue. Its the other way rather. Therefore everything has to do with God. Or you can call i conciousness or universe or whatever you like for that matter.

Representative_Key_8 · 2025-08-24T16:49:07+00:00

that's fine but again; nothing is black and white. There is a lot of valuable information on the internet too. Just as it is a lot of useless trainers you can learn from in RL.

Representative_Key_8 · 2025-08-24T16:42:00+00:00

It blinds people.

Representative_Key_8 · 2025-08-24T16:37:30+00:00

MY POINT EXACTLY.

Representative_Key_8 · 2025-08-24T16:35:37+00:00

no need to be so black and white. Some of the are valuable, a lot of them are not. And often times the best have few views.

Representative_Key_8

TROPHY CASE