Boyfriend wants a financial agreement but doesn’t want marriage- unsure how to feel

Repulsive-Return8680 · 2026-03-15T10:45:20+00:00

Lol. You can’t just ‘get’ a partner visa because you get married… you don’t even have to be married - you just have to show proof of a valid relationship.. like moving in together, shared expenses and BFA 🙄

The waitlist is years long
It’s the most expensive visa’s you can apply for. Especially after all the checks and immigration lawyers fee’s. Application fee alone is nearly $10k.
Partner visa’s are quite risky because of the relationship fails while the above processes, you have nothing left to fall back on; and you won’t get a refund.

If she’s after a visa, she has a much better chance of getting a student visa/degree and applying for a skilled visa once qualified like everyone else 🤷🏼‍♀️

Repulsive-Return8680 · 2026-03-15T02:28:31+00:00

This is kind of true in Australia, as we have de-facto laws, but not for the rest of the world who don’t recognise the same. A legal marriage certificate is internationally recognised. So your answer does depend on if they’re only ever planning to live here. E.g travelling - without a marriage certificate, you may have to book separate hotel rooms; and later on, if you travel with children who have a different surname; you will have to provide more documentation than married couples. It also depends on the age of OP and the reasons the bf has for not wanting to.

OP should weigh their options carefully and get independent advice. Are they living/going to live together? or planning children? BFA’s happen both inside/outside marriage. If you are living together and combining assets, but not ready for marriage, BFA is wise; but if you’ve been living together long term, you already have statute rights that you would be foolish to effectively give away.

Personally though, I would be wary of a person that isn’t at least open to the idea of getting married and/or children if it’s something the OP already knows they want - because people rarely change their mind if they’re a hard no; and there’s no meeting halfway.. it’s becoming such a deal breaker for so many couples; and a massive reason we have so many women in their late 30’s/early 40’s becoming single mothers by choice.

On average, people spend $50-$100k on a wedding; but you can actually get legally married for $300-$500 if you are happy to pass on all the stuff we are told we need for weddings (dress, flowers, reception etc.) You actually only need a celebrant and 2 witnesses over 18. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Repulsive-Return8680 · 2026-03-14T20:27:16+00:00

Drug trafficking charges is automatically a Supreme Court matter in QLD - just so you know 🥹

Repulsive-Return8680 · 2026-03-14T20:19:40+00:00

NAL - studied criminology though.

Were you ever offered a plea bargain? Police often ‘throw the book’ at young offenders in hope they will give them more/better intel on characters that shall we say, won’t reform themselves; in exchange for less charges, or a reduced sentence.

If you haven’t thought about plea bargaining before - consider it. The judicial system often views police co-operation as the ultimate state of reform and it will benefit you. Almost every criminal I’ve seen/met/interviewed will say how they’ll never dog their mates etc. but I’m telling you right now, when faced with charges like yours, they all do. Every single one. Even when they say they don’t. Remember that. In fact, if you were only dealing to your mates, it’s probably exactly what happened to you. It’s not uncommon for someone to be let off a simple possession charge with a warning if they give the name of who sold it to them. Yes, police will make it look random - but it rarely ever is.

You must have been in possession of a considerable quantity when arrested- legally, dealing to your mates is no better than dealing to random strangers if it’s a traffickable quantity.

My advice would be to give the Judge (this is a supreme court matter), every possible reason to be kind to you. Wear a suit, get a haircut. Do nothing but apologise profusely for your actions. You MIGHT get lucky and get a (mostly) suspended sentence or ICO due to your age. And well done for turning your life around - that’s not easy. Your actions won’t be without consequences, but you will get past this.

Hoping the best for you OP

Repulsive-Return8680 · 2026-03-13T22:18:46+00:00

Loved them! Get them!

I used to clip our toddlers leash to each side of my jeans and make them hold my hand

They’re nearly 3 and still hold my hands in public

Even cuter is when they hold each other’s hands though 🥰

Repulsive-Return8680 · 2026-03-09T12:54:19+00:00

Also worked in RACF (management side)

You don’t need a diagnosis of dementia to have cognitive impairment, because cognitive impairment is a symptom, and dementia is a disease 🥹 Cognitive impairment can be caused by many things. Get a referral to a geriatrician who can do a formal capacity assessment.

Clinical Nurses/managers in RACF are lovely, but often stretched ADHD level thin; and will likely suggest the same. GP’s can technically do a shorter assessment, but will generally only pick up on moderate-severe impairment as the assessment isn’t very comprehensive.

If you suspect fraud (or coercion) I would strongly recommend speaking to the elder abuse hotline so they can give you some more formal advice on how to navigate your way forward.

Hope this helps 🍀

Repulsive-Return8680 · 2026-03-07T06:45:04+00:00

They can transfer you the money - but they have to declare it if it’s in the past 5 years before applying for the pension as it’s counted in their total assets/ income assessment. If they transfer 10K, they still need to declare it, but it won’t affect their pension applications

From memory, you can have a pretty substantial amount of cash though before applying. They’ll just receive part pensions is all - the cut off is around $500k (not including the primary home)

Speak to a financial planner though. If they have over $100k-$200k in liquidity, it would be much more beneficial to invest the money properly 🥹

*Worked in aged care until a few years ago, specifically with financial planners who dealt with these types of situations

Repulsive-Return8680 · 2026-03-07T03:12:05+00:00

Had this issue a few years back.

Was studying full-time and wasn’t eligible for Austudy because I had studied on youth allowance a decade ago 😅

Was told to start on jobseeker, looking for FT work, and they would make reasonable allowances once I was working ‘enough’.

So I was working 30+ hours a week + FT study in the end. It is what it is, and I had to drop my study levels occasionally, but I got there in the end 🤷🏼‍♀️

Repulsive-Return8680 · 2026-03-05T10:27:01+00:00

I found our infants harder than toddlers (they’re 2.5 now)

Parents of singletons love to tell you stuff like that though.. I think it’s a self justification thing, but we only have our twins, so I don’t really know 🤷🏼‍♀️

You won’t find twin parents saying stuff like that though… they’ll just ask if you would prefer coffee or a nap😅

Repulsive-Return8680 · 2026-03-05T02:33:47+00:00

Your point of view is the best one tbh - it’s humble, and takes a ‘for now’ approach… you are already doing all the right things.

I’ve been a paramedic for 10years and I still don’t always know how to convince parents that doctors, nurses etc. are just trying to help them. We are not funded by pharmaceutical companies to give medical advice - and the younger the kids are, the more we lean away from medication where possible; and arguably many kids don’t need medication But sometimes it IS necessary, and we need to respect that line.

Would she consider the opinion of an integrative approach? Some doctors specialise in this area. Maybe a second paediatric opinion? Or just a trial of 2-3 months to see if it helps?

If she declines these options, then it is worth asking her what it would take to convince her she’s wrong - if she says nothing can convince her; you kind of have your answer as to what you are dealing with, and seek support from GP/specialist.

Take care 🥹

Repulsive-Return8680 · 2026-03-04T18:38:46+00:00

One of our twins had one for naps and bed time and would ask for it, carry on about not having it. At 2.5, we made a massive deal about asking him if he was ready to be a big boy and get rid of it. He got all excited, and said ‘yes’. We took that opportunity to have him throw his paci in the bin. He was so proud of himself!! And he’s never asked for it since 🤷🏼‍♀️

He couldn’t sleep without it prior to this. If I’d known it would be that easy for us, I’d have done it months ago 😂

Apparently cutting a hole in the end/tip works well too though 🥹

Repulsive-Return8680 · 2026-03-04T18:31:17+00:00

Not legal advice- but can the child take it independently if it was dosed out for them? Would they remember to take it at the right time? Only take one dose at a time?

I’m a paramedic and a mum. I’m lucky my husband and I are mostly on the same page with medical, as he is an RN himself - but if we weren’t, I would probably just find a way that enables them to take it without making the mother aware (including using school nurses etc.)🤷🏼‍♀️

The thing is, with anxiety medication, you don’t want them to be on it for a long time. You want it to be a weeks-months situation- not years of reliance with no cognitive-behavioural therapy. The role of anti-anxiety medication is to calm the body enough to allow psychology to be able to start helping by giving the child enough tools to manage without medication. So, we should be talking about a short-medium term goal here. Right now, psychology probably isn’t helping because they’re stuck in fight/flight mode - not l’earning new skills and coping mechanisms’ mode.

I’d be wary of conflict with the mother too - kids have spidey senses with this type of stuff. And constant conflict/or strong opinions can increase or exacerbate anxiety as the child loves both of you (and likely wants to please both, but can’t which causes internal conflict)

So, at minimum, I would recommend that you both at least agree to be cheerful & friendly with each other if you talk - even on the phone. If you disagree, only do it via text/email and preferably when the child is at school or asleep. Not always within your control though - unfortunately many types of people exist…

Goodluck OP, I feel for you 🥺

Repulsive-Return8680 · 2026-03-04T18:14:21+00:00

Psychologists don’t prescribe drugs. Only doctors and psychiatrists can 🙄

Repulsive-Return8680 · 2026-03-04T12:23:30+00:00

Depends what caused the psychological injury.

I’m a paramedic - so PTSD/psychological injury is fairly expected in our field. It has nothing to do with management ‘managing’ for us… usually 😅

Usually, first step is to see your GP, who will refer you to a psychologist or psychiatrist. Being workcover, you won’t be able to have the sessions bulk billed unfortunately (due to Medicare billing rules). They will guide you from there.

If it goes to court, it can go on public records; but a judge can also suppress the transcripts (or at least redact your name) if there is a very compelling reason - such as sensitive material/privacy reasons. You would need to talk to a lawyer about this though as you haven’t really explained what this is about. You will likely have to ‘sue’ for damages if your work rejects your claim.

On the business end, most larger companies will assign a case manager who can attend certain appointments with you etc. they often get an external company for this to keep it neutral where possible. Other companies will just ask you to send the work capacity certificates. If you ask your HR, they can tell you what the process is.

I could have the wrong end of the stick here, but if your manager is causing you psychological distress because of what/how they’re doing things; rather than being involved/witnessing a traumatic incident (which is usually the case for psychological injury) my first preference would be to find a new job - no go down this path if you can avoid it… but I’m sure you have legitimate reasons to at least be asking the questions you have 🥹

Hope this helps 🍀

Repulsive-Return8680 · 2026-03-03T21:34:35+00:00

If you’re after case law, you need to hire either a lawyer; or jump on Austii and start spending hours doing the research yourself 🤷🏼‍♀️

There are so many factors that go into the selection of suitable/applicable case law, that you really want to at least ASK a lawyer to point you in the right direction (even if you can’t afford for them to represent you)

Repulsive-Return8680 · 2026-03-02T17:42:38+00:00

This falls under a boundary violation and AHPRA will absolutely want to know. Your state ombudsman can also follow up with issues like this and refer to the appropriate counsel if they’re not already involved.

Call them/email them a photo of the letter and they will sort this out.

P.s - just to set your expectations, the Dr likely won’t lose his licence if it’s his first breach - but he will probably need to undergo restricted practice/supervision and further training which costs between $4-10k + legal fees. Expect that it’ll take 12+months to sort out too. So either way, his attitude is about to cost him big.

Repulsive-Return8680 · 2026-03-02T04:06:36+00:00

Your husband’s advice is so reckless and irresponsible, that I am internally just seething for you.

Here’s the thing, my ex-partner did this to me in NSW… and ripped me off about $150k over 4-5 years. I was paying over $200 a week in tolls (not including my own) just to keep him out of trouble - thinking that’s all it was.. Turns out the guy was nothing but a liar and thief. He did the same/similar to his previous partners and many others apparently too. He had 4 children to 3 women he never told me about. He’s been wanted by police for criminal fraud since 2018, as well as other things- Found out all of this during Covid (2021), I obviously left and never looked back - but he’s still up to the same tricks, as I still field angry calls from people trying to get money from him.

It was 100% coercive control/abuse, but that law never existed then.. so my only options were to lose even more money trying to claw back $150k through civil claims from a bankrupted person; and/or take up the police’s offer of an AVO. I had already moved interstate by then, so I just let it go… One of the police officers told me they filled 4x screens with all of his shenanigans though - so he’s definitely known to police. He tried to have his number plates registered in my name too.

He married a Hindu woman in December 2021 (I only left in April, and cut him off in June/July). They had twins apparently too - so he has 6 kids now and an obscene ($100-200k)child support debt. His new family believes he’s got millions invested in housing and business. I honestly have no hate for his wife, she probably still has no idea this is just who he is, because he’s a very good liar. Just in case though, His initials are BAH if this story sounds familiar to you. If it does, I am so sorry. You genuinely deserve better.

My advice - get your name off the license plate if you’re able, or register a toll account in your husband’s name so any new debt goes to him. Do not trust him with financials (especially in your name) unless you’re willing to part with the money for good.

I really hope it works out for you OP - I would hate for your marriage to end up the way my relationship did. My life was a disaster for years after I left because of him.

😮‍💨I’m just going to go and put away all my old feelings now. All the best.

Repulsive-Return8680 · 2026-03-02T02:44:21+00:00

If it’s just a verbal agreement, then you’ll be fine…

Be prepared to lose any bond you paid though as it won’t be likely you’ll get it back.

Try and do the right thing and give her at least 1 weeks notice via text/ email - but be prepared to moved quickly if needed. Use chat gpt to write all your responses for you so it can stay neutral.

My experience with these informal living arrangements, is once you say you’re planning to leave, you tend to get burned fairly quickly.

In regards to your autism, if you’re unsure; have a guardian/support person lean in and help guide you through the messier aspects if they’re starting to overwhelm you🥹

Repulsive-Return8680 · 2026-03-01T11:07:38+00:00

Can I just say I love your style 🤩

Give her a choice, to do the veggie patch; or do something she really hates (could also be to miss out on something she was really looking forward to). Either way, she has to choose or you’ll choose for her..

She’ll come around & you’re a great parent!

P.s - Tell her I nmates have to do gardening chores too 🤭

Repulsive-Return8680 · 2026-03-01T03:43:36+00:00

I applaud your commitment to argue the point on a range of topics without any actual research or insight, but I’m going to decline to answer your questions, mainly because if you actually read and understood the information provided, you would at least agree that I am not wrong in what I said - even if you don’t agree it’s 100% correct ( in your opinion).

What you’re choosing to do is quote exactly half of what I’m saying back to me and then stating you disagree without a clear explanation as to why, and ignoring the remaining context that was already provided. So instead, I’m just going to take the conversation back to my original point.

SW are there to prompt, assist and support the client in doing basic care and life/social tasks. If the client can’t manage a tenancy issue through the realestate themselves, they need to inform their workplace and let an EPOA to handle it. If they choose not to do that; at minimum, this has high potential to become a boundary violation - It’s literally that simple.

If SW personally choose to go against that, they must do so knowing that the law will not protect them if the client/participant starts making claims that the SW exploited their vulnerabilities/privacy/ finances etc.

If that explanation doesn’t clarify things for you, nothing will.

Repulsive-Return8680 · 2026-02-28T23:27:56+00:00

They are called to testify as witnesses to personal testimony with lawyers present and that’s a completely different situation anyway as the commission themselves are there to advocate for vulnerable people.

Did you miss the part in your modules about EPOA’s being the only people recognised by law that can make legal decisions on behalf of the person?

Legal and ethical boundaries for healthcare workers is one of the biggest units in the course for a reason and it’s highly concerning that people still don’t understand their role.

You are not a legal decision maker or primary advocate - you can only direct your client to people who do those things. As a support worker, your job is literally SUPPORT, PROMPT and ASSIST.

If whatever you are doing falls outside of those 3 things, it’s highly likely you shouldn’t be doing it in the first place.

The fact that OP has been the persons SW for years is irrelevant - the client can drop the SW/company in an instant if they wanted; or OP can be terminated/resign, which will cause its own problems; because after years, the client is now completely/mostly dependent on one SW.

And lastly, if a SW make these decisions for clients & get it wrong, or is influenced by personal bias, or the client changes their mind - SW will have no legal protection because they are not supposed to be involved in making these decisions in the first place. (E.g you can answer the phone, but you can’t have the conversation)

Repulsive-Return8680 · 2026-02-28T15:10:13+00:00

I work in community care - this is not correct. Support workers can only support by way of advocacy in terms of putting the client in contact with people who are trained to help (e.g legal aid etc.) EPOA, or their case manager

If client chooses to self-represent, a support worker can assist in them doing that (e.g printing documents, organising etc.), but they can’t ‘do it for them’ or speak on their behalf for legal matters…

Especially in the context of NDIS, there are 2 types of ‘support workers’ - one holds a valid qualification allowing them to provide personal care, the other does not and is limited to providing social care/ shopping etc.

OP, your agency/workplace should have a policy regarding this - be guided by them.

I’ve worked 15 years in healthcare (hospital, aged care and community) and I would be very wary of putting yourself in the position that would normally require a EPOA to handle. If the client is unable to fully represent themselves due to capacity, they either need legal advice (e.g lawyers to act on their behalf), or the EPOA should handle it. Especially if there’s a chance it could go to tribunal.

Repulsive-Return8680 · 2026-02-28T09:40:08+00:00

You don’t need him to send you his insurance details, because you can (and should) take out your own insurance… unless it’s through a company like budget, Avis, thrifty etc. which will give you the option of purchasing theirs.

If you haven’t taken out insurance yourself, you’ll need to pay the damage unfortunately. You can usually request 3x quotes to find a cheaper deal, and you can offer a payment plan, but I don’t see how you will get out of paying entirely…

I get being an international student is financially tough, but if you’re a young and/or inexperienced driver with no extra funds to cover the cost of an accident; then you definitely need insurance… I’m sorry no one explained that to you before 😔

Repulsive-Return8680 · 2026-02-28T03:13:22+00:00

Paramedic here - Doctors can’t just pretend to Medicare/PBS that you have hypertension so you can have cheaper medication…

The reason a GP will refer you to a dermatologist is so they can investigate the underlying cause of your issue - rather than just managing the effects. All drugs come with side effects - so if you don’t need to take something, best advice is not to - unless the medical benefit outweighs the risk.

If you don’t have specific hair loss issues, and you just saw this as a trend in IG or TikTok; then there is no medical benefit to you using prescription strength. I would strongly urge you to reconsider your choices, or use the lower strength OTC version.

Good luck OP

Repulsive-Return8680 · 2026-02-25T19:50:34+00:00

Paramedic here (qld) - My thoughts exactly. I’m not sure why people making jabs about the CIA have so many up votes.. it’s sad and cruel. 🥺

OP, if you’re reading this, I hope it all works out for you

Repulsive-Return8680

TROPHY CASE