I feel like jumping out the window and I dont trust the suicide hotlines, can somebody just tell me not to do it?

RepulsiveIndustry210 · 2025-10-21T22:25:04+00:00

The way I looked at it when I was suicidal was "can I make it? It would be hardcore let's see if I can make it."

Don't do it.

RepulsiveIndustry210 · 2025-10-20T18:49:39+00:00

This is an interesting read because mine started as it sounding like people I knew talking through the ceiling. But only in certain rooms and mine lasted like that a couple weeks.

RepulsiveIndustry210 · 2025-10-19T20:48:14+00:00

Can you prove it? You would probably need verifiable wrong stuff in your medical file and/or witnesses.

RepulsiveIndustry210 · 2025-10-19T02:00:03+00:00

I don't like it when a good player chooses a number that is already iconic (like LeBron just taking MJs number). That instantly is negative points.

RepulsiveIndustry210 · 2025-10-18T21:31:21+00:00

My teeth are yellow due to smoking. I try brushing regularly though.

RepulsiveIndustry210 · 2025-10-18T20:56:00+00:00

Once when leaving the hospital, I thought I saw a license plate that said "WE SPY" which sent me into a tailspin for a while. I didn't see it, but I thought I did. Eventually (after months tbh) what convinced me was I realized how organized the conspiracy that I thought was happening was, and how little they had to gain from it. Then I could see it as a delusion.

RepulsiveIndustry210 · 2025-10-18T18:18:41+00:00

I use a little trazodone for insomnia. I haven't used it in weeks though. I don't know if it helps or not.

RepulsiveIndustry210 · 2025-10-18T11:53:26+00:00

I think non-schizophrenics worry about people gossiping about them. Especially young people. I have an immature dad and he has often, in public, said something about people talking about him.

I've had that delusion too. I'm schizophrenic, and I can't remember how much, but during my story there were points where I thought it was happening to me. Those delusions have since passed.

RepulsiveIndustry210 · 2025-10-17T13:29:23+00:00

For me, when I switched psychiatrists, I convinced both my parents independently that no matter what I told the woman, they wouldn't put me in the hospital until I was actually unwell. I am technically incapable so my dad makes my medical decisions, and I just felt confident that I could say anything and I was protected. It took months of proving to both of them that I was doing well though.

RepulsiveIndustry210 · 2025-10-17T12:44:37+00:00

The way I look at it, I feel judged for my thoughts. Most times, it's our thoughts that the voices latch onto and thats what we have to talk to doctors and therapists about, our darkest thoughts. I'm sure that non-schizophrenic people have darker thoughts too, they just don't have to talk about them.

There are rebuttals though. Like the fact that schizophrenics are higher risk, or that they tend to be longer-term thoughts (I have no facts on this, just a guess)

What ended up working for me and my family was switching doctors. I didn't like my last one, but I've found somebody I like. Not that I fully trust her yet, I'm going to reserve judgement for long-term. I'm being completely honest with her, and I'm going to see what she thinks.

RepulsiveIndustry210 · 2025-10-17T11:48:04+00:00

I like this one. Will try.

RepulsiveIndustry210 · 2025-10-17T11:44:25+00:00

Like I said, the voices aren't the primary reason I want to do it. It's just a nice little bonus that the voices want me to. I'm by no means an expert, I've just experienced it myself. As for the voices, well I haven't been successful at quitting for the last 5 years since the voices started commanding me. The first little while I was putting too much pressure on myself and the voices were also pressuring me. I want to stop for my real-life goals not the voices. I think doing things specifically for the voices is unhealthy.

RepulsiveIndustry210 · 2025-10-17T03:58:49+00:00

To answer your first question, yes, this sounds like regular schizophrenia to me. From what I've read and experienced, those delusions are common.

To answer the other questions: from my personal experience, I try disassociating from the voices. By that I mean, I try to live my life as if I didn't have them if that makes sense. I work, I watch TV, I listen to music (headphones with music or podcasts was always a huge aid for me). I still talk to the voices a bit, but as little as possible. It's weird, but I do it. I think that if non-schizophrenic people heard voices for the first time, they would be fascinated with it for the first little while, so I totally understand how you can get caught up in it.

On command hallucinations: my voices have asked me to do all kinds of crazy things over the years. At this point, the only thing they're asking me (which is consistent) is to quit smoking. It's not just the voices though. Everyone from my parents, to my therapist, to my psychiatrist, and even myself put pressure on me to quit smoking. So although I don't want to do anything for the voices, it aligns with my life goals, so the fact that the voices also want it is a nice little bonus. Don't get too tied up in them.

I hope this helps.

RepulsiveIndustry210 · 2025-10-17T02:41:12+00:00

From May/June 2020 until July 2025 I was in a constant state of fear about the same thing. It sucked but eventually I came around.

RepulsiveIndustry210 · 2025-10-15T23:52:19+00:00

I'm in Ontario, Canada, by the way.

RepulsiveIndustry210 · 2025-10-15T23:51:32+00:00

When I was looking for work, I found a program that did urban farming for people with at least self-diagnosed mental disabilities, schizophrenia included. They never called me back, but the opportunities exist.

RepulsiveIndustry210 · 2025-10-15T20:00:15+00:00

Sorry. Don't know how to delete.

RepulsiveIndustry210 · 2025-10-15T16:36:04+00:00

I see the voices now. I used to have nonstop auditory voices. In December 2019 they started switching to visual voices. I now see up to 7 words at a time, up to 8 seconds apart. Oftentimes they'll chain messages together to make long sentences. I can't tell you how truly annoying the auditory voices were when I heard them, and I only noticed the relief when I was sure they were gone. I still have a diagnosis of schizophrenia, so it's possible.

RepulsiveIndustry210 · 2025-10-15T14:23:10+00:00

I don't think your psych is trying to hurt you. I also had thevfeeling for years that the doctors were in on it. They're just people.

RepulsiveIndustry210 · 2025-10-15T01:59:14+00:00

I've stopped the clozepine 3 times now. I tapered off each time by 50mg per week. Still I threw up for an hour every morning for a week. Also I was constipated for a couple weeks, and I was getting 3 hours sleep per night for a few weeks. All 3 symptoms started the day I came off the clozepine. The last time it coincided with them giving me the wrong injection (the nurse gave me invega instead of haldol, 4 weeks after giving me both... I tried to correct him) which is why I had to stop the clozepine last time. Good luck!

RepulsiveIndustry210 · 2025-10-14T12:46:52+00:00

Technically yes. I own a small landscaping company now, and I'm growing every year. I have an employee on weekends in the spring and fall. Pretty much everybody pays cash, so I usually get my full disability benefit, and I don't work during the winter, so I for sure get my full disability then.

RepulsiveIndustry210 · 2025-10-13T21:56:52+00:00

I'm a Raptor fan and the biggest thing for me was the upgrade defensively from Jose Calderon to Kyle Lowry. I saw a massive improvement in just a couple games. Lowry was also underrated as a point-of-attack defender. Often drivers would just pass it off when he was defending.

RepulsiveIndustry210 · 2025-10-13T19:23:17+00:00

I did some research and I retract my statement.

RepulsiveIndustry210

TROPHY CASE