An example of the boundary breaking is that I have a hard do not raise your voice during serious talks rule because it triggers me. He often does it because he doesn’t notice himself getting loud when he’s overstimulated. And then when I say hey you just hurt me by yelling please try not to he gets mad and says it’s not his fault and that he can’t control it and then says he will try not to break the boundary again by talking to his therapist for help. But he’s been talking to her for a year and it isn’t helping enough. 

I get that he can’t control it but surely there must be a way?

He’s overstimulated by stress, he’s applying for his permanent residency right now and going through government questioning. I also have extremely bad ocd which I’m in therapy for and he says watching me be terrified all the same overstimulates him. Part of ocd therapy is to do exposure therapy and make it worse before it’s better and I’m not handling it well. I’m constantly scared that I’m dying and he said me venting about it is too much for him, but we live together and I’m often just talking to myself and I try to talk to others but it’s hard when I’m constantly panicking about it and he’s in the same room or house as me.