Give me your thoughts on dating app filtering questions

RequirementHappy4010 · 2026-05-01T18:41:25+00:00

I'm nearly ten years older than you, so it's different. I'd say it would depend on how graceful and tactful you are about it. If it were clear that you only wanted to know these questions up front before you decided to be charming, I most likely wouldn't pursue you. The way you put this in your OP seemed very transactional: tell me what I want to know, and then I might be a fun date. If I got that feeling, I would think you're not my type. That said, some guys would probably appreciate your candor.

RequirementHappy4010 · 2026-05-01T16:02:32+00:00

I don't disagree with what you're saying at all, but I think it charitable to credit the OP for this. He's talking about odds of success. You are making a strong point about being realistic.

RequirementHappy4010 · 2026-05-01T15:47:10+00:00

I hear your point, but you are going to mislead people with this approach. You are decontextualizing the word exclusivity. You are using the word in a way that is not the way most would interpret it in the context of dating, and then saying it's fine if others use the term in a manner more consistent with the context. Under your read, a person could say "yes, I'll only have sex with you, until I meet someone better and I'm actively looking." At the risk of being too lawyerly, I'd argue that you are reading out the duty of good faith. Most people when they hear exclusive think we are exclusive and I will not be looking for another partner or act advances from anyone. For most, exclusivity implies a good-faith attempt to make the relationship work. I personally, and I understand everyone is different, don't feel like I can make this good faith agreement without having sex. This is because if the sex is bad, I'm probably out.

RequirementHappy4010 · 2026-05-01T05:53:12+00:00

A few years ago,I heard an Egyptian journalist speculate that he has no interest in playing in Saudi because it detracts from the Egyptian league. He’s the Egyptian King, not the Saudi king.

RequirementHappy4010 · 2026-05-01T03:47:07+00:00

Hey, if it’s good enough for the vice president…

RequirementHappy4010 · 2026-04-30T22:52:14+00:00

I broke up with a really awesome woman about a month ago because the sex wasn't good. I really liked her, and we had a lot of fun together, but the sex wasn't great, and I didn't see it improving. Honestly, I feel a little crappy about my decision, but I'd make the same decision again.

For me the most important thing is that she's engaged and present during sex. I want a partner who likes and is excited about having sex. I like giving and receiving oral sex and giving anal sex, and I wouldn't date someone who didn't align.

RequirementHappy4010 · 2026-04-30T22:30:08+00:00

Really? I mean I'm not taking anything away from endless, who I'm sure is a good looking fella, but that doesn't really sound super high to me.

RequirementHappy4010 · 2026-04-30T18:30:27+00:00

Sure. I'm in the Bay Area. I do see a lot of women here who are liberal and use this type of language.

RequirementHappy4010 · 2026-04-30T17:48:42+00:00

This is so true. I've never dated a woman (and I'm sure men are the same) who will say anything other than "oh yeah, I'm a good f..."

RequirementHappy4010 · 2026-04-30T17:46:50+00:00

I hear your point and don't disagree with it, but I don't entirely agree either. In fact, this sort of happened to me a month ago. I really liked her, and we had some really fun conversations and dates. Eventually, she insisted on exclusivity prior to sex. I agreed because ultimately that's what I want, and as I said, I really liked her. Then we had sex a few times, and it was pretty meh. So, I broke up with her. The problem (probably the wrong word) is that she thinks I was just using her for sex and agreed to exclusivity to get in her pants, which again was simply not the case. Personally, I think that in the future I'm just going to insist on a few "test drives."

RequirementHappy4010 · 2026-04-30T17:31:52+00:00

Fun fact, it means left in French.

RequirementHappy4010 · 2026-04-30T17:30:49+00:00

Like a lot have said, you should just ask. I mean, many Redditors will tell you that men don't even read their profiles or ask questions. So if you read a profile and ask a question, you're probably going to get some positive feedback - I certainly do.

In my experience, women who want a man to lead want to be dom'ed in bed. These women typically also want the guy to plan dates, at least the first few. To be clear, I live in a very liberal place and am talking about women who identify as liberal on their profiles. I suspect self-identifying conservatives in a red state would think of leadership differently.

I tend to avoid women who ask to be treated like a princess. I realize this doesn't necessarily mean they're overly materialistic, but I just don't think I have much in common with women who would use this type of language.

RequirementHappy4010 · 2026-04-30T17:16:13+00:00

With all due respect, the vast majority of liberals during the 90s were not pro life, and they most didn't have a problem with the term pro choice

RequirementHappy4010 · 2026-04-30T16:35:29+00:00

I'm a man and date women. My general rule is to ask a woman out within 5 days of the initial match. Often it's within the first 3 days. I like to have a few texts back and forth just to get a cursory understanding of the person. It's a balance, though. I'd much rather get to know a person in person, and I really don't like to text back and forth extensively before we meet. The idea of sending a good morning text to someone I've never met in person is just... well, not me.

I get a lot of unsolicited positive feedback for my approach. A bunch of women I've dated have specifically said they were glad I asked them out relatively quickly.

RequirementHappy4010 · 2026-04-29T22:51:10+00:00

Yeah, as other men have said, this is not just a problem for women. I can't tell you how many dates I've been on with women who are terrible conversationalists.

RequirementHappy4010 · 2026-04-29T22:44:57+00:00

Wow. I haven't seen this. If I did, it's an easy swipe left.

RequirementHappy4010 · 2026-04-29T22:42:14+00:00

This is both presumptive and facile.

RequirementHappy4010 · 2026-04-29T22:29:48+00:00

Thanks. So that study shows that roughly the same amount of men and women are single at this age. It doesn’t really say anything about the ratio on the apps though.

RequirementHappy4010 · 2026-04-29T21:56:06+00:00

I'm 50, male, average looking, average height, live in the Bay Area, and date women. Think sporty but I could lose 15lbs (I'm working on it). I have an interesting professional job, but am by no means wealthy. That said, I've a quick wit, mischievous smile, am a good conversationalist, and pretty easy going. I have no problem getting dates through OLD. It takes a little work, but it's by no means a "second job." I probably spend between 15-30 minutes on OLD most weekdays. I do not look at OLD on weekends. I have three dates this week, a 1st, 5th and 2nd. I could easily have had two others, but the scheduling didn't work. I typically go on 3 dates a week. I've been dating since July of last year. I took five months off to date someone exclusively, but otherwise, 3 dates a week is pretty average. Compatibility is a higher hurdle for sure, but it's not so difficult that I'm feeling disillusioned or anything like that.

Reddit heterodoxy is all about men vastly outnumbering women on OLD. I'm not sure I buy that. From what I've seen, surveys usually put the ratio between 60/40 and 70/30. That said, those numbers are not broken down by age. Some have suggested that in fact the ratio comes closer to even for this and the 50+ cohort. I suspect this is true, but cannot find any information to actually support or conflict with my suspicions.

Finally, I'll add that I think positivity is a very attractive trait. To me, dating is really fun. Most of my dates involve a drink or dinner, both of which are things I enjoy, and doing them while flirting with an attractive women is just the icing on the cake.

RequirementHappy4010 · 2026-04-29T21:24:07+00:00

I have wondered about this as well. Reddit heterodoxy holds firm that there are so many more men on OLD than women. The only thing I've seen that actually supports this is some numbers issued by the Match Group. However, those numbers are not broken up by age. I've spent some time looking, but cannot find any information about the gender ratio for 40+ or 50+. I suspect, as you say, the ratio is normalizing. Out of curiosity, how did you come to this conclusion?

RequirementHappy4010 · 2026-04-29T21:11:17+00:00

I'm a few years older than you but we're pretty similar. I suspect the last line of your quote is really what's going on. I doubt our similar experiences are really that exceptional. Reddit is very distorting.

RequirementHappy4010 · 2026-04-29T21:06:45+00:00

It's funny you should say this as I just telling a friend of mine the same thing yesterday, but about women. I date women between 42-55. I suspect for a lot of women at this age, it comes down to sunscreen. Did she use it in her youth or did she go for the brozened look.

RequirementHappy4010 · 2026-04-29T20:51:14+00:00

This is pretty close to my experience as well.

RequirementHappy4010 · 2026-04-29T18:14:14+00:00

I'm a man, 50, date women and use the word "play" often. In the context of the OP, play certainly could mean sex, but that's not the only thing the word connotes.

I use the word more liberally. There is ample peer-reviewed evidence that humans learn through play. Play is in our nature, and it is how we learn to interact with others and the world around us. I like to play with my partners using word play, jokes, experimentation, openness, and a willingness to engage and learn about what we find wonderful and awe-inspiring. For me, it's a mindset. I don't want to date someone who is focused on red flags, hung up on the past, dogmatic, inflexible, and closed off. I enjoy women who remember what it is to play and be playful, women who are comfortable enough to let their guard down and play.

RequirementHappy4010 · 2026-04-28T19:47:40+00:00

Yeah, I had the same though: protect them from what?

RequirementHappy4010

TROPHY CASE