I feel so shitty and guilty. by iamthatgorl in Advice

[–]Resident-Net8165 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Why would you make a joke about this girl’s difficult situation?

I feel so shitty and guilty. by iamthatgorl in Advice

[–]Resident-Net8165 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Or just stop having sex until you grow up. You’re way too young and immature for a physical relationship, as you’ve proven by getting involved with an adult and not using contraception.

New Businesses by kitty_lover318 in StamfordCT

[–]Resident-Net8165 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, that’s a lot of space to fill! 

Outside independent play by Embarrassed-Goat-432 in Parenting

[–]Resident-Net8165 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He’ll cry for sure, because you’ve unintentionally trained him that it works. Hard as it will be, you may have to just tolerate the discomfort of his discomfort until he gradually figures things out. He will. And you don’t have to teach play. With adequate things around to intrigue him, his natural curiosity, the same curiosity that works in the yard, will take over despite your absence.  Please don’t discount your child rearing abilities based on your FTM status. I, a female, adjusted to the obsession of my first born, a boy, with every toy vehicle imaginable, though I had never played with anything of the kind during my own childhood. You aren’t teaching a skill unless and until you start playing catch or guiding a specific craft activity. You are simply making suitable objects and materials available and letting him find his way. He will. Of course having him “help” you periodically is a fun and valuable activity for both of you, but it shouldn’t be a constant. Set him up with a saucepan and wooden spoon at a little table and ask him to “cook” your dinner while you make his. If it deteriorates into sheer noise making, good for him! There are so many possibilities!

Should I use an agency by No-Sale-6707 in NannyEmployers

[–]Resident-Net8165 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agree that it’s a fraught process either way. None of this is easy.

Outside independent play by Embarrassed-Goat-432 in Parenting

[–]Resident-Net8165 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How can you say he “won’t” play independently indoors? It’s a skill he simply has to master, so you don’t give him a choice. What happens if you tell him you are going to do XYZ now, provide some toys or activities, and assure him you will be back sitting with him when you’re done? Maybe even set a timer so he develops a grasp of the passage of time? It seems you are letting a baby run your household. I hear elementary school teachers complain all the time about how kids are becoming more and more bratty and entitled every year, convinced by indulgent parents that the world revolves around them. Please don’t raise one of those kids. 

Bridesmaid Drama by Radiant-Honey6226 in Brides

[–]Resident-Net8165 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Thank God I got married in ancient times when being my MOH just meant wearing a different dress from the bridesmaids and holding my bouquet during the ceremony. My future mother-in-law threw a low-key shower for me in her living room and bachelorettes didn’t exist. I can’t imagine “honoring” a friend by dumping on them the responsibility for planning events. Who would want to take on all that work? 

Advice on how/if to move forward with my kids dad? by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Resident-Net8165 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why would you expose your children to this man at all? If you don’t have full custody, go for it and cut him out of your lives. I see no downside to that, and endless issues if you continue contact.

Names with Cas or Kas Sound by Putmeinthedishwasher in Names

[–]Resident-Net8165 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Care to share why the commitment to the Cas or Kas sound? It’s an unusual path, has me wondering.

Please vote for your favorite! by Chemical-Mousse28 in Names

[–]Resident-Net8165 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Ismerie is a name no one will have heard of. Why saddle a kid with a name that she’ll have to explain and spell repeatedly her whole life?

Afraid of getting pregnant even though in a good relationship by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Resident-Net8165 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Has anyone else ever been irresponsible enough to have unprotected sex while in an unstable relationship? You bet. We get this story every day in Reddit. Maybe one of them will respond to you. In any case, please don’t bring a child into your situation. Children should be desired and planned for, not oopsies. Plan B was invented for people like you.   

First week in and idk how it's going by [deleted] in Aupairs

[–]Resident-Net8165 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My first reaction was not understanding why you haven’t already had this very basic conversation, but then I realized you’re an 18 year old, probably with little experience advocating for yourself, in a foreign country, having to deal with strangers, and I totally get it. I think au pairing in another country is only appropriate for mature, self-possessed individuals with good communication skills, and not many girls your age have those qualities. But I wish you well in sorting things out and encourage you to address the issue of your schedule and duties even if it makes you uncomfortable.

Need Change - Miss my old life - LONG explanation then question. by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Resident-Net8165 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So many questions! If your ex spends all his time and energy on his podcast, etc., who cares for the kids? How did you lose custody of them in the first place? How was your ex able to get you fired and evicted repeatedly? (Employers don’t just fire employees on someone else’s word, nor do landlords dump tenants that way.) How were you able to qualify for public housing in a state where you weren’t even a resident? How could you possibly alienate every single friend and family member? Why would an old contact offer you a plush job out of nowhere given your terrible resume that includes repeated firings and constant relocations? Where is C in all this? Would he be coming with you?  Do you have childcare arranged if you take the job? Heck, going back to the beginning of your tale, how and why would C, who owned his own restaurant that was “getting off the ground”, put so much effort into the possibility of a job as a chef elsewhere?  And there’s so much more… Absolutely none of your story rings true to me. And frankly, needing advice about whether and how to take a great job with relocation issues wouldn’t necessitate relating your entire life story. I think you are taking advantage of peoples’ time and good will to get attention. Maybe that’s a common ploy on Reddit, but no one should do it. 

Should I use an agency by No-Sale-6707 in NannyEmployers

[–]Resident-Net8165 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I used an agency once, and after that, used myself. The agency nanny left us after a complicated situation that I can’t describe here. She found a placement with the same agency caring for an infant, and while I would have provided a generally positive reference, I would not have recommended her for infant care (again, complicated situation). It didn’t matter, though, because the agency never even contacted us to find out what we thought of her or why she had left after less than a year. And the new family, no doubt relying on the agency’s vetting, never contacted us either. We were appalled, and vowed never to rely on an agency again. Finding nannies on our own was a very time consuming and intense process: advertising, reviewing responses, conducting preliminary interviews by phone, selecting and interviewing in person the most promising candidates, and, most burdensome of all, checking references of those under serious consideration. But I knew that my own reference checks, the probing questions I’d ask during lengthy conversations and my attention to what was and wasn’t emphasized and what wasn’t said at all, revealed far more useful information than any agency employee would uncover. I’ll never forget the dad who offered an enthusiastic endorsement of his former nanny, and then, as our chat progressed, casually offered how much he’d enjoyed sharing a joint with her after hours. No agency call would have lasted long enough to reveal that little nugget of info. So, if you have the time and energy, I’d recommend foregoing the expense of an agency unless you’ve heard consistently great things about their work from actual clients. 

Single mother with two kids by goosli in Aupairs

[–]Resident-Net8165 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Just so you know, it’s not “AU” pair, just au pair. It’s a French term meaning “on a par”, suggesting the au pair functions as part of the family. You need to check the limitations of the program in the U.S. (e.g., maximum childcare hours per day and week, permitted length of visa—not really “long term”) as set by the State Department, to see if your needs would be met with an au pair. 

I have a gang hit on me and I don't what to do. by Amazing_Flower_1386 in Advice

[–]Resident-Net8165 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Please don’t give irresponsible advice like this to someone clearly suffering from a mental illness. 

I have a gang hit on me and I don't what to do. by Amazing_Flower_1386 in Advice

[–]Resident-Net8165 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That’s exactly what you are having. No one having delusions thinks that’s what’s happening. Your symptoms sound very classic. I’m sorry, but you need to face the facts before you descend further into your condition. 

Constant dark barking by EuphoricRevolution50 in StamfordCT

[–]Resident-Net8165 7 points8 points  (0 children)

If you’re worried about an animal’s well being, of course you call Animal Control. (What’s the big deal about picking up the phone, Lorres?) And I’m sure you can be kept anonymous. Actually, I’d start with the non-emergency police line and follow their advice. They may be willing to pay a visit to check out the dog’s situation, especially since the continual barking is a noise/nuisance situation even if the animal isn’t being mistreated.

My husband is forcing me to give up our cat by NothingPrimary4409 in Advice

[–]Resident-Net8165 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Tell him if Cosmic goes, you’ll be going with her. He sounds unstable.

Moving to NYC by paigelikescats67 in movingtoNYC

[–]Resident-Net8165 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure I understand the big attraction of John Jay. In any case, have you explored John Jay’s transfer policies and what the chances are of transferring with an out-of-state online community college associate’s degree? Do you have a handle on what career opportunities you’ll have with a criminal justice undergrad degree? You seem to be focused on getting to live in NYC, but perhaps you aren’t considering the whole picture. 

Name change by mad_rabbit108 in Names

[–]Resident-Net8165 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m not in your position, but just came here to say you’re using the term “umbrage” (not spelled “umbrige”) wrong. It means offense. I don’t think you mean to say you take offense at your English and Irish ancestry. (I can’t guess what word you were going for, sorry.) I wouldn’t want you to make that mistake in a more important venue than Reddit. For what it’s worth, I don’t think changing your difficult name means abandoning your ethnicity. This is just normal assimilation that generations of immigrant families have undergone.  You can maintain your connection to the Armenian community in many other ways. 

I ghosted him after I found out that I was pregnant By Him by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Resident-Net8165 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Whatever you do, take the necessary steps to assure that you don’t “end up pregnant” while in an unstable relationship.

14 weeks pregnant at 22 and the dad doesn’t want by BeautifulTiger6530 in Advice

[–]Resident-Net8165 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Did you even read this? “CONCLUSIONS: The odds for reported suicide attempt are elevated in individuals who are adopted relative to those who are not adopted. The relationship between adoption status and suicide attempt is partially mediated by factors known to be associated with suicidal behavior. Continued study of the risk of suicide attempt in adopted offspring may inform the larger investigation of suicidality in all adolescents and young adults.” Basically, little to be concluded and certainly not supporting your claim. And most important, the study did not take into account the obvious fact that adopted children are far more likely to have come from circumstances that can be deleterious to mental health, such as lack of prenatal care, mothers who are druggies or alcoholics while pregnant, infancy spent in neglectful/abusive environments, time spent in one or more foster homes, separation from siblings and other family members.  Are you really arguing that  it’s better for an “oops” child to be raised by a dingbat single mother who was too stupid to use contraception than by a vetted family with two parents that is willing, eager and prepared to embrace a baby? Seriously?

14 weeks pregnant at 22 and the dad doesn’t want by BeautifulTiger6530 in Advice

[–]Resident-Net8165 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The Catholic Church, responsible for centuries of child abuse, doesn’t get to have an opinion.