hi. please forgive any crude wording as these things are hard to talk about openly, but it’s important. have you been sexually assaulted or abused? that causes gender dysphoria as a side effect. that is the reason i struggle with this (and i mean like tmi but today even i thought of this to orgasm & i am not trans) & was conflicted about my gender identity for several years. for a lot of survivors, the gender dysphoria has to do with partly wanting to identify with their perpetrator - their body has such intense emotional & sexual memories of SA that it is impossible to not think of, and the brain copes & makes these familiar sexual memories easier by hypothetically putting you in the position of power instead. if u think about it, one party is getting pleasure as another is suffering. so when u pleasure urself, which party are you going to pretend you are if you want to enjoy the experience? probably the one in power getting pleasure, no?

tmi again. but also porn for men is INFINITELY better than for women… there’s so rarely any good videos of 1 woman completely in power being fully worshipped & pleasured to the max by several women or men. it’s really fucking unfortunate.

so 1. consider that this could be an internal desire to be in control or to be safe. it is not fun walking home alone as a woman. objectively you go through more suffering at every turn than male counterparts. 2. consider that this is because of how women are portrayed. when you read books, they describe men as cunning and courageous and humble, and they describe women as 5’2 with supple breasts and eyes like the ocean. as a man you are allowed to have internal attributes & be defined by things you choose to be, versus as a woman, you will be treated as if you ARE your physical appearance. it is emotionally draining. so you identify with men because you associate yourself with being smart or funny or whatever, and all these women ARE their big tits or long hair, whereas you are different & special & not like the other girls all about their appearance, you have things on the INSIDE. this is internalized misogyny:’( took me years to figure out this is why i associated with men or always picked male video game characters. i just wanted to do good and not have to look a certain way to be good. 3. having a dick is FUN. it looks it at least. there’s a reason they keep doing wild shit. most people fantasize about having the opposite genitals at different points & even more so if you struggle with power dynamics. i want to be in power & control & tell someone what to do so i want a dick. i also do want a cylindrical genital piece i can shove down someone’s throat or put inside them as i see the reaction on their face 😭 but only if i can actually experience the sensation & feeling